Thursday, April 18

Cheating Husbands

I know from my pen pals that many of you kinky lads cheat on your wives in one way or another, so here are my thoughts on the degrees of cheating you get up to. My observations are based on all of the pen pals with whom I correspond (my blog generates a lot of male pen pals), and my own experience with my husband.

It's a particular kind of cheating which you are driven to by your kink. I think many of you buried (and/or continue to bury) your kinky side when looking for a mate. Probably a good thing, as it seems that 9 out of 10 women can't handle a kinky boy, and you do have to reproduce after all.

Some of you keep it buried from your wives, and others gradually let on. It seems that some wives just shut you down completely, others will play half-heartedly, and for you lucky few, some wives will embrace it enthusiastically (like me!). But women like me are in the minority. I can understand that some wives want to be dominated more than they dominate, and that also leaves the subby or switchy guy in a quandary. How do you get her to spank you?

I think the bulk of wives do wind up dominating you boys a bit, but as they aren't really into it, it's not that satisfying. God bless them for trying.

But where does that leave you? Do you leave your wife because of sexual incompatibility? I sure hope not! Most of you boys can enjoy plain vanilla sex, and can enjoy a little guy-on-top dom play also that seems to go so naturally with vanilla sex. So you wind up with a wonderful woman who loves you and whom you love, you have great sex, she is no doubt highly satisfied sexually (because you subby boys seem to love going down on a woman!), and you are mostly sexually satisfied, except for this one huge thing you don't get from her. Hence the cheating.

Let's now inventory the various types of cheating, starting with the most benign, I'll give you my thoughts as we go, and I am looking forward to your comments.

1. Cheating With You Own Hand

This is the most common form of cheating. But make no mistake, it is cheating. Once you are married, you have no call to tug on it anymore. There is no reason your wife should not be more than enough for you. And you know it's cheating, which is why you are so embarrassed about it. I mean, imagine if you are tugging on your penis with your pants around your ankles in front of your computer and your wife walks in on you.
Embarrassing!

I believe that other than those whose wives keep them in chastity, 100% of my readers jerk off to Internet porn. My husband does it too. I let him. And sometimes I catch him at it and then punish him with a good hard spanking, which I love doing, especially as he is still very embarrassed when I catch him at it. I usually make him finish the job, with whatever trash was up on the screen still there (he likes young Internet sluts the most - he imagines he is fucking them - Ha! - or getting spanked by them - better!). Sometimes I will stand there with my arms crossed and his hairbrush in my hand until he is finished, and then he gets his spanking, after he's all played out and his cummy is already coating the back of his throat.

But like I say, I allow him this and only use it as an excuse to punish. I have monitoring software on his computer, and I enjoy checking up on the sites he chooses to visit. Gives me ideas!

It might be a problem if I wanted sex from him but he is played out from abusing himself. So far this has never happened. After all, I don't need him to be erect or enthousiastic, pretending to be enthousiastic when his head is down between my legs is fine by me. I almost enjoy the thought of that more for some reason...

2. Cheating with an Internet Pen-Pal


Clearly I have no problem with this, being the "other woman" in many cases myself! I think it's all good dirty fantasy play. The rules are you may never, ever exchange real identities and meet up. And also you must keep this from your wife and not get all guilty and spill the beans (as you men are apt to do when confronted with a wife/mother figure).

3. Cheating at the Massage Parlour


I don't have firm stats on this one, but I am thinking a lot of married men go to the "rub and tug". david cheated on me like this before I started spanking him, and oh boy was I mad! I must say I was very misinformed at the time. I assumed it was straight out prostitution, but since then I have visited one such place, and now understand that with rare exceptions it is limited to a hand job. Nonetheless, I am sure this is a "stepping stone" to a husband seeking a full blown prostitute.

So this definitely needs to be nipped in the bud. This is total and complete cheating, and has little to do with your spanking kink. If you are fortunate enough to have a wife who will take you to an upscale massage parlour for a handjob, then lucky you. Otherwise, stay away or risk your marriage.

4. Cheating with a Whore or Another Woman


Absolutely off limits. If you are married, no other woman should ever touch you in a sexual manner, and you should never touch another woman in a sexual manner. Period. The only exception is if your wife arranges it. Otherwise, divorce and pay up, brother!

5. Cheating With a Dominatrix


This one is tougher. If you have genuinely tried, but your wife still cannot get enthousiastic about spanking you, then, under certain parameters, I think it may be acceptable to seek another woman who will give you what you need.

The parameters are that you need to control your thoughts and not "fall in love" with the dominatrix in any way. You may not have regular sex with the dominatrix. She may choose to fuck you in the ass with a strap-on or make you pleasure her orally, and you'll have nothing to say about it. I think this is ok when it's part of you being dommed. And you absolutely must be discrete. Your wife must never ever know.

I'm sure other wives may disagree with me on this one, but to me it's preferable to you a) leaving your wife, b) never getting dommed.

So those are my thoughts on the subject. Let me know what you guys think!

69 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to that.

    I love my wife, but she has fairly vanilla tastes for sex. She loves being penetrated, giving blowjobs (as foreplay) and does not care much for cunnilingus.

    I have gotten her to spank me, peg me and (good gracious) other anal plays (e.g. sticking a thermometer in when I'm sick), but she does not seem very enthusiastic at it.

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    1. Really?? A woman who does not enjoy a man going down on her? What are you doing wrong, zixi? ;-)

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    2. Touché!!!

      Sorry I haven't read the post completely yet but this comment surely made me grin.

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    3. Well, I don't know. My exes tended to like my going down on them, but my wife finds that somewhat frustrating and prefers penetration + fingers on the clit (plus, I think she does not like the smell of her sex on my face).

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    4. We're just teasing zixi...

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  2. Well I have to admit you finally posted something I truly didn't expect Julie. I honestly thought you would down a Dominatrix and I am very happy that you didn't. I am often the person who is that dirty little secret men hide from their wives and when I first started meeting specific men I felt some things were just crossing the line. Then one day I took a long hard look at the whole picture. I am a woman who truly enjoys either disciplining or Dominating men. For all of those men out there that constantly tell you they don't know why they are the way they are I am probably one of the few women who actually gets it. I feel that some people are literally just hard wired to be Dominant or submissive, Disciplinarian or spankee which ever wording you prefer. I also know that if any of the men I have seen over the past 6 or so years wives found out I would be heartbroken more so for the fact that their marriages would come to an end. I am typically that person that ends up being a last resort for these men because their wives or girlfriends just don't get it or don't want to get it. So I applaud you for not condemning those few women like myself who will help those particular husbands out with either Disciplining them or Dominating them.

    Lady D

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    1. Right on! I think you have likely saved a lot of marriages. I'll thank you for your service on behalf of all my male readers.

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  3. I don't normally leave a lot of comments but this one begged to be written. This will touch many a nerve and yes, wives will see this entirely different from men. First let me say that most men cheat without ever talking to the wife about their needs or kinks. THIS IS WRONG! I'll disagree with the porn searching as I feel that unless you live a FLR and are not allowed to watch porn this will fulfill a need without going outside the relationship. As you know Susan most men lose the need after spilling their silly cum.

    Going outside the relationship is a slippery slope. I think that if you have communicated your needs and your wife can't or won't fulfill them you have a moral choice to make. I also feel that if it's ok for the man then the wife also has the right to go outside the relationship to find what she seeks as well. But she also needs to be upfront about what she is doing.

    The issue then becomes trust. Men will rarely fall in love and after they cum normally can't get out fast enough however women are much more emotional and are far more likely to have feelings which is where many marriages fall apart.

    We have entered into the cuckold area and to this point it is just sex to me and hubbette is well aware of my activities.Hell, he pays for the rooms. LOL

    I think this is a great topic and one that needs discussion. Do you live without and not have your needs met or do you cheat to fulfill what your partner can't or won't. Personally I think a great resentment will build if you are not living your life the way you want.

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    1. Thank you for the comment.

      I actually agree with you about the porn. I was being a bit toungue in cheek. I think it's cute how they lust after women's images on the Internet and rub themselves raw. I also feel it's wonderful fodder in a femdom relationship for some spanking play. A nice thing to "punish them" for. (I don't punish him when he is truly bad: counterproductive with a subbie!)

      I agree with you how it is gutless for them to cheat with a dominatrix without first trying everything to get their wives to spank them.

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  4. First and last time my wife caught me masterbating was enough to tell me never again. She did learn that the spanking is more effective and hurts more afterwards. Now she will give me what she calls pleasure, stroking my erection until I come and then it is over her knee and trust me it does hurt more, stings more, I squirm alot and do a spanking dance to show her she did a good job. Corner time afterwards, and now that dreaded pleasure she gets prior to my spanking.

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    1. And I bet you don't stop that nasty, nasty habit as a result of all that "punishment" do you? Ha Ha!

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  5. Wow, this is a crushing post in a sense, but appreciate your honesty. I have tried many times, my spouse is in the we tried but she is not into it. We have tried on and off for years, so let's get some of these out of the way. No messages or prostitutes or mistress for me. My own hand, guilty and not much to say. It is known at home I do this and she has no issue with it. Beside the blogs, I dabled with this and usually winds up with my hand, so they are related. As for the play mates, whether fee or friends, yes I do and my spouse is aware and sees it as therapy but does not ask about it, does not know when and does not want details but our agreement is no sex at all and all that I play with also are not into sex at all. Not even her taking my bottom with a dildo, I do not do that, just me. When I spank, I spank only, no touching, no nudity except for her bottom and no sex at all.
    Just not sure, very thought provoking, I know what I just did for you this week and do not see that as cheating, just me playing out a role you asked me to try.
    Interesting, maybe too thought provoking but wow, well done ma'am.
    Always
    Ron
    PS: That pic of the dude getting jerked off is just hot!!! LOL

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    1. Interesting. It sounds like you are dissapointed that your wife is not into the kinky play, but you two have worked something tenable out. I think that's fantastic!

      Next time you go to see a playmate, have her give you a hard paddling, and ask her to make you say "I'm a naughty cheater and I love my wife" after each stroke. Ha Ha!

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    2. And don't get tempted to go to the "rub and tug" based on that photo!!! You don't need a little Asian hotty like her doing it. Your dear wife is perfectly capable of giving you a lovely handjob.

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    3. Julie
      I have not stopped thinking about this post, amazing. I am totally disappointed we can't sort this out but I continue to work on that piece, I promise. We have a common ground on the scene for now and she trusts me not to breach the agreement. I will not but also spanking to me is not always sexual so easy for me.

      I love your suggestion totally.

      I would never go outside my marriage and yes ma'am, was do have some quiet time in bed with mutual "rub and tug" while I "rub and finger", just wonderful orgasms for both of us! She gives amazing hand jobs.

      I just so admire your commentary, thank you. You make me think and reflect but also just sit back and evaluate my kink. All good ma'am.

      Wonderful and one of your best posts.

      Always with love
      Ron

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    4. Awwwwww!!! Thank you, ron! You put a smile on my face!

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    5. And you on mine....
      Always
      Ron

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  6. Miss Julie,

    Very interesting post. A few months ago I don't think I would have agreed with you on some of the different types of cheating. For instance masturbating I would not have seen as cheating it was more a form of relief. And yes you are right about an internet penpal and as you know you were one of mine. I didn't spill the beans but as you know again Dianne did find out. I've never done the other two you mentioned except for going to see Dee and I still regret that to this day. That was cheating and I'll readily admit to it.
    I do now see all the scenarios you mention as cheating but then again I'm fortunate enough to have one of those wives who understands me now as you do david. But your right it almost cost me my marriage with what I did so it's definitely not worth it. I'm also not allowed to masturbate anymore which is fine because as you said Dianne is willing to take care of me as needed. This wasn't always the case though but as I've learned to put her needs first and make sure she's satisfied before thinking of myself she is more willing than before. So again it was my fault not hers that our sex life wasn't as good as it could have been.
    Anyway I do now agree with you 100% about all these forms of cheating but I can also understand where as a frustrated male you can resort to these things. I'm so happy I'm past that now and do realize how fortunate I am to have such a wonderful wife. Yes she still allows me to look at your blog and others but under her supervision and with the knowledge there will be no jerking off to the stories or pay the consequences.
    Great post and very helpful!!

    bob s.

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    1. Because you are now in an FLR, and Dianne feels it is inapropriate, you have therefore lost the right to masturbate to the Internet. I would take that very seriously, bob, or you may find yourself locked into a cock cage.

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    2. Julie,

      This is not my thing as I feel it's to much like bondage play. I did however use some of your other advice as far as him having to swallow his own cum and very hard spanking after to break him of this nasty habit.
      You commented above that to punish a submissive man for when they are really bad is counter productive. I would just like to add I think that depends on the man. Just like women have different levels of dominance or some none at all. I think submissive men have different desires as well. Not saying your statement is wrong so please don't take it that way. I have way to much respect for you and your wisdom to say that.
      I just know punishing bob for real reasons has worked very well for me. Once we started he realized his fantasies were nothing like the reality of it. For him it's more an emotional release now that he knows what it is like. To where before in his fantasies it was exciting. In fact he's mentioned several times that if I want we can stop this whole punishment thing. But of course I'm not about to do that because of the results I've gotten. And I know as well as him that left unchecked his fantasy thoughts would slowly take control again. Anyway I just feel it depends on the person and what there needs are as well but that's just my opinion for what it's worth. And I'm sure we're both right with our comments it's just a complex thing with no one right answer.
      And I do feel it's important to let him have some of those fantasy thoughts as well that's why I let him read the blogs. But at the same time it's important to keep them in check so he doesn't go and do something stupid like he did before I figured this all out.
      Dianne

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    3. I agree that the reason bob is starting to behave is because you spank him. I tend to think it's because he's now getting what he desperately craves out of a relationship, not because he is pained by the punishment (which he is!). He is a thorough subby, whether he admits it or not, and needs Mommy to spank him or he will start misbehaving again. Just my take on it.

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    4. Julie,

      I agree with you 100% and you worded it much better than me. He is getting his needs filled whether he enjoys the spanking or not which he doesn't once it starts. But your right he still feels that need to be held accountable for his actions by a female authority figure. It's funny how you say he needs a mommy to spank him because that is exactly what it's like. When he deserves one it's because he's acting like a child anyways. He has accepted that he is a total subby in our relationship and that's alright with me now as well. I now realize how good of husbands subbies make. And he can still be a man's man when he needs to be out in the real world.

      Dianne

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    5. Ah ah... One thing that my wife disliked when we got rid of condoms is the semen outflow, which feels yucky. We normally clean it with tissue or paper towel, but on occasion I've had to clean it by swallowing (she also does it from time to time).

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    6. Only on occasion? My rule for david is down the hatch without exception when he masturbates. Too messy otherwise.

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    7. As explained below, I'm expected not to masturbate at home unless my wife tells me she's not interested in sex any soon — I'm supposed to keep my erection for her and not waste it. :-)

      If I do, indeed, I'm expected not to leave yucky stains on the sheets (so use a towel, paper towel or... swallow it).

      On occasion, she asks me to clean her after intercourse (most times though, she cleans up herself in the bathroom).

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    8. Ah, on occasion, when I was rubbing myself or she was giving me a handjob, she made me wore a condom "to reduce the mess". ;-)

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    9. I like the condom ideal, as long as it includes sucking it dry afterwards. That way, not a drop is missed.

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    10. Naaah... But, hey, I sometimes tease/shame her by asking her to suck my finger or penis after it's been in her, especially when she insists that I'm the one who asked for sex (even though she's dripping wet).

      "But it tastes weird!
      - Hey, you don't think it's an objection when you ask me to go down, do you?"

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  7. Cheating, eh?
    Qui accuse, s'accuse.
    Well, maybe it's OK for you to play around, teasing the (bleep!), out of all your helpless targets, (IOW, flirting) but it's not OK to do the same to your best friend.
    Pourquoi? Je ne sais pas.
    (I don't mean this personally, Ms. Julie, I know you love your best friend very much and would never hurt or betray him.)
    I just meant that as a general comment of some other women's habits, why men fool around.

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    1. You make the mistake, mon ami, of thinking Women and males are on equal footing. Women do as they please. males cheat.

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    2. Oh please....someone's starting to believe her own fantasies...

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    3. Eh bien, if that's the case then,
      Alors, carry on!
      (err, OK?)

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    4. You're right! I talk big but david would never allow me to sleep with another man

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    5. Excusez moi, s'il vous plait, mais je ne suis pas le precedent anomymous qui ecrit anglais seulement.
      Je suis le second anonymous agreeing with your first
      reply.
      Is that OK, s'il vous plait?

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    6. That is very much ok. But I was actually kidding a bit in my answer. Adultery is not on for this girl.

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  8. Hi Julie,
    I've been a "lurker" for the last 2 months.
    I must say that I have really enjoyed your posts and have read them all from the Beginning.

    Also thanks for turning me on to others Blog's such as "All Mine" and WifesinCharge" as they all are different styles of Femdom Relationships.

    As for you asking about "our" opinions on your Post..

    Hmm...

    #1......Masturbating. I feel that if your not in a FLR, then it's the best and safest way for a sub male to satisfy his needs. If on the other hand, like your relationship, having to ask permission is in deed
    embarrassing...and I can not imagine that you will never be in 'Mood" especially if you get to Spank Him...Win..Win

    BTW: No Disrespect to QG...even if I do need to get some relief sometimes, l never loose interest in my Wife after I've had my "Silly Cum". Sometimes She is just to caught up in life...it happens.

    #2.....Secret Internet Buddy ? Never Again. I got my worst Punishment Spanking ever for that. Now if I correspond in that way...The Wife Knows...

    #3....Forget about it...I'd be a DEAD man walking..

    #4....see answer # 3

    #5....Once again QG, no offence, But that is dangerous, and in answering Julie's Question...
    Maybe the Spanking part...if the wife knows about it..
    Pegging....OMG....Never...( We do it and love the power exchange)...Butt someone else...well that is Cheating....Unless The Wife agrees to it.

    Just my 2 cents...Thanks for letting me Post my feelings and I hope to start our own Blog soon..

    Oh...Julie...please go easy on Bob S...He has been through a lot over the past few Months...:-)

    HotBottom in NJ

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    1. bob deserves everyting he gets! What a naughty boy!

      But thank you for your comment! I think that since your wife pegs you, your ass is hers and no other's.

      And in defence of QG (not that she needs ME to defend her!) you boys do tend to lose interest in sex after you cum, and your cumming is indeed silly. It reminds me of monkeys in the zoo.

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    2. Juliesp,

      Yes She owns my Bottom...:-)

      Hey:
      Whats more fun than a Barrel Full of Monkeys?

      A barrel Full of them with Red Bottoms....:-)

      I so enjoy your wit,
      HotBottom

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  9. Hi Julie

    I found your blog by chance and have enjoyed reading your posts. Bob is a very lucky guy. I have repressed my spanking needs for so long following divorce and they were re-kindled long before I met my new wife. I resorted to self spanking which did not do anything for me and eventually visited a Dom. She was the first person who really listened and didn't judge and I enjoyed our time together immensely. If I took my punishment well she would milk me, which was always a pleasure. I have not seen her since my marriage which has fell into a conventional vanilla relationship. My wife is not into the spanking scene even though I have tried to tell her how much the thought turns me on, she doesn't seem to be taking the bait. The net result I have resorted to internet porn and especially F/m sites. My kinky side has been re-ignited and there is so much I would love to experience, in particular pegging after a sound spanking. I am at a loss to see how to move to a satisfactory outcome with my wife and by that I mean a visit over her knee. So it was interesting to see and read your post on cheating. A visit to my old Dom may be the only solution to me receiving what I crave and need. Thank you for your blog Julie and I hope Bob knows how lucky he is

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    1. Visiting a Domme or not will have to be your decision. I have told you how I feel about it, but it's what your wife would think about it is what you need to worry about. It is easy for me to take a hypothetical position because I am not putting my own marriage in the situation where david has cause to see a Domme. See the following comment for an alternative point of view.

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    2. Some interesting points made there Julie, I hope I don't have to wait that long for a visit over my wife's knee. I just don't feel ready to come right out and ask her like your husband did. When I have hinted at it she simply says that "I would enjoy that" taking the plunge and replying that that is exactly right and I want her to spank me seems a way off, I'm not sure how she would react, a difficult dilemma.

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    3. Silly, silly man! Out with it. Who knows, she might love spanking you!

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  10. lill jo here Ms Julie,

    This post made me think of a lot of things. coming from all over the place:
    -I've been married for 25 years; it took me 14 years to have my wife spank me. Now she kinda picks up that edgy 14- cups-o-coffee me that needs to be bent over and tanned. ("patience grasshopper").
    -I love my wife. No cheating, never.
    -i used to get my crazies out by drawing spanking and femmy scenes, Only recently have any seen the light of day (see Ms Julie's recent posts). Most of them I've destroyed over time. [So why bother?] like I said: getting my crazies out.
    -'the drive' , straight or kinky, is a bit like anger. it's how you express it that counts (very Gandalf).
    - Sometimes you just gotta go for a run or somethin.
    - personally I doubt the hard wired subby thing. I saw a councillor once and I said early on I wasn't abused as a kid. Nothin to make me kinky. After a few sessions, about when my councillor said "I thought you said you weren't abused?" I realized myself my childhood was littered with abuses, tensions and traumas. I can feel that fearful child in me that longs to be reassured by loving discipline.
    - hostages identify with their captors, hmm...
    - maybe im just an endorphin junky? too simple. Have you seen "The Secretary" self spanking should work if im just a endorphin junky. plus why is everything ten times better when she orders me to do it or grabs my ear?
    -Sorry, some of this is off topic. All of is rambling.

    Thanks for tyour blog Ms Julie,

    lill (still gettin my crazies out) jo

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    1. Aren't all great artisits repressing something and then letting it out in their art? Your illustrations are a wonderful case in point!

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  11. First the facts: I'm 51, my wife 52. Kids grown and out of the house. She's a breast cancer survivor. I travel 80% for business, she does not work outside the home. Let me apologize for unloading on you, but I've seen other women opine on husbands masturbating, and I always wanted to ask, "Are there really women in relationships with men that are ready willing and able to embrace his sexual impulses 24/7?" This cynical husband observes that his wife will initiate sex once a month when she ovulates, and she'll respond favorably to his advances less than 50% of the time the rest of the month. So the math makes it come down to a simple matter of repressing my sex drive, or self serving. BTW, the best masturbation fantasies are recollections of us engaged in spanking roleplay.

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    1. I think men masturbating is just fine. I just enjoy using it as an excuse to punish.

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  12. You (definitely) flatter Maam, but thanks.

    lill jo

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  13. " But like I say, I allow him this and only use it as an excuse to punish. I have monitoring software on his computer, and I enjoy checking up on the sites he chooses to visit. Gives me ideas! "

    He has to pay off somehow indeed.
    I think we had this kind of discussion before : NO DOUBLE STANDARDS!!
    Check what exact pages he has visited
    - He likes to see women exposed on their four? His turn to do it!
    - He thinks it's ok to see young women humiliated, objectified? Do it the exact same way!
    - A young Lady has to do everything on webcam to pay for her studies? Maybe you can make the same little video of him and post it on a forum (his face covered of course) : )
    I know you are the hand of justice.

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    1. Thank you for the pep talk, alex! You're absolutely right. Whatever those girls are doing, so will david, or it's my strap!

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  14. I admit i cheat with my hands all time but iam not cheating on female or am i but i dont have gf or wife so i cant be cheating on them but when i do cheat with my hands iam thinking about being punish by a female for being naughty boy

    iam type of guy who i know i wouldnt and have no plan on cheating on any female if she my wife or gf i never felt like i would do something like that all female need be told truth and treated with trust hontest and respect too no matter what or they end up loosing the female or being punish by her if she type of female to punish guys

    Mike
    madison ohio

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    1. You single guys are free as a bird to do as you please, including as much self-abuse as your poor chafed member can bear!

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    2. true what you said but there single guys out there like me who wishes we had a strict female to discipline us and spank use and use punishment spankings to control and keep us naughty boys in line

      any female i meet who name is Julie i will for sure think about you and wonder if all female name Julie love to punish naughty boys with spankings iam sure there lot female with your name who does guess can be same with any females names

      mike
      madison ohio

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  15. In our household, we have a form of "mutual discipline": my wife disciplines me if needs be, and I discipline her if needs be.

    We allow self-masturbation as long as it does not hinder marital sex. Thus, we masturbate mostly when either of us is away; also if either of us feels an urge but the other does not want sex, masturbation is ok. My wife has a dildo (clitoral stimulation alone is suboptimal)... in fact, she even used bananas + condoms when traveling (because carrying a dildo in luggage is not very discreet with respect to airport security).

    We however have a rule against realistic fantasies; that is, it's not a problem to masturbate when reading porn fiction, but it's a problem to masturbate when thinking of sex with an actual person (except for the spouse, of course) — including porn actors or actresses.

    We have had to deal with a few incidents of this kind over time. I for instance confessed to masturbation when thinking about a female colleague. My wife spanked me hard with a ping-pong paddle, then we made love with her on top, reminding me that SHE is the only place where my penis should go. The next morning, she put spicy oil on my glans and prohibited me from washing it off until the evening, so as to punish me where I had sinned.

    Last year, my wife confessed to repeated masturbation (dildo included) with fantasies about a porn actor. I spanked her, then gave her a water-and-vinegar douche (to cleanse the offending location). She suggested the use of a chastity belt to stop the "bad habit" but we did not find a suitable model (she wanted one that could be worn for several days, including at work). I completed the punishment by figging her with ginger (vagina included).

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    1. What lovely little kinsters you two are! Very cool!

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    2. Well, these were rather rare cases. Another fun anecdote:

      My wife was busy with something on her computer and would not come to bed. I was horny and disappointed, so I started rubbing myself and ended up ejaculating just before the came back. Problem: she wanted sex too, and soon discovered that I was already spent.

      She took me over her lap for a spanking, then fetched her strap-on dildo...

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    3. Very much a spanking offence! And, yes, when I feel like having a good fuck, nine times out of ten it will be my husband being required to submit to hard anal intercourse.

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    4. Ah! My wife is more into (no pun intended) vaginal intercourse, most of the time; if she wants a hard fuck she may either climb on top or tell me to go hard. This means that it is selfish for me to masturbate (and then be limp) before she comes to bed. This is definitely a spankable offense, and then the double-headed harness was a way to get the action she wanted.

      Not that I take it up the butt only for such kind of behaviour: my wife believes in regular "treatments for kinkiness" consisting in an enema, some spanking, and then anal intercourse. This goes both ways, which I assume is not the case in your couple.

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    5. No "both ways" for me, thank you very much. He likes the spanking and humiliation, I like the dishing out of it!

      Here's a tip next time your wife wants a good fuck. She should make you fuck her from behind, spoon position. She puts a pillow between her knees to keep them apart. She reaches between her legs, and grabs the skin of your ball sac hard with her fingernails. Each time you pull back to thrust, you will be in pain, but you won;t be able to stop. I like making david fuck me under those circumstances.

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    6. We're not into pain except for spankings. :-) But thanks for the suggestion anyway.

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    7. Oh well, in that case, spank away!

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  16. Don't consider that cheating at all! If you inform your Mrs before you wed and then she agrees until the ring is on the finger. Then she's the whore not the man!

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  17. I am fairly sure that L. has never cheated on me (I am not so sure about illicit masturbation), but he gets regularly spanked (or whipped, strapped, caned &c.) 'just in case' - and just for the fun of it - whenever I am in the mood...

    J(2)

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    1. I am hoping they don't cheat on us when they are getting what they need. Castrating them would be sooo messy.

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  18. Very interesting article on cheating husbands. I especially liked the section on visiting a dominatrix, because what you describe is my situation. My wife has tried otk spanking on me, but she really isn't into it. She can deal with spanking as an erotic prelude to lovemaking; however, I need it to hurt, which she can't deal with. My guess is that this is true of many (most?) wives -- it's hard to inflict pain on their husbands. So, your belief that under those circumstances it's OK for the husband to seek a professional dominatrix was music to my ears. But then I thought it through. It leaves me with three options:

    1) tell my wife that's what I'm going to do -- you say absolutely NO to this, and I can see why. That leaves #2 & #3, below:

    2) Don't tell her. But then I'm deceiving her. We're both retired, which makes it difficult for me to leave the house for an extended period of time (even a few hours) without explanation of where I'm going. Thus, I'd have to invent something compelling, which would be a lie.

    3) Don't get dommed -- equally unendurable. A no-win situation, it seems to me.

    Would appreciate feedback from Julie and readers of this blog

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    1. What strikes me as odd is that you have no activities by yourself outside of the home, such as a club or a hobby or a fitness centre for example. If you had something like that, I imagine it would be easier for you to ditch that once every couple of months in favour of getting your bum smacked!

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    2. Thanks, Julie, for taking the time to think about my posting and to reply. You couldn't have known, but it's not true that I have no activities outside the home; the problem is my location. There are plenty of escorts in my immediate area, but no dominas. There is apparently only 1 woman who offers domination services in my nearest city, Savannah in neighboring Georgia, which is an hour away, necessitating an absence from home of at least 3 hours. And she also offers escort and massage services, which is not very promising in terms of domination. The Max Fisch Domina Guide lists only 3 professional dominants in my state (SC) and these are two and a half to 3 hours away. It would take major plans and deceits to pull off a visit to one of these!

      At this point, I'm wondering why I wrote about such a seemingly unsolvable problem. I guess I felt the need to reach out and see if others were in the same situation, and to get some feedback, which you kindly gave me, Julie. I appreciate that.

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  19. Dear Ms. Julie,

    While it's been some time since you wrote this, I just discovered it and would like to add my comments.

    Married over 40 years to a vanilla spouse, I've always had some kinky leanings. In the first decade of my marriage, I mentioned an interest in enemas, and was promptly branded a pervert. OK, something to keep to myself.

    After a mild stroke a few years ago, I realized life was too short to never experience some of the kinks I was interested in, and as my wife had no interest, I spent a few afternoons with professionals who helped me realize some of the things I enjoyed, and some I did not. One thing I had developed an interest in was being spanked, and as it can be difficult to hide the marks of a good strapping or caning, this was something I did discuss with my wife. As my wife's shoulders have been ravaged by arthritis, she reluctantly agreed that I could see a professional disciplinarian for the thrashings I wanted. Happily, she has also consented to me attending a spanking event once or twice a year.

    And yes, I also "cheat with my own hand", often while reading some of the kinkier, and mostly improbable, stories found on the net.

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    1. Good for you! Glad that you have that outlet and good for your wife for being ok with it. It's so not cheating in any traditional sense.

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