This is how he phrased it (the comment was on my Christian Domestic Discipline post). My comment response in red.
I think we all kinda react to cornertime differently. What’s you’re take on it Miss Julie? You’ve been there... How does it make you feel ? Humiliated? Ashamed? I already know what it will cause your most sensitive areas to do, so you don’t have to answer that part ;)I then provided my theories which I shall restate and elaborate on further in this post, and then there was some post-comment email followup which was... titilating...
Yes, all of those things! Very humiliating to be "put in your place" like that. Very visceral. Very childish. I do get wet though, as you allude to!
Miss Julie, have you ever been able to figure why there is a direct nexus between humiliation and you getting wet ? Or anyone getting wet for that matter ? Not a rhetorical question. I’m asking because I don’t know.
Thank you for the posts and re-posts regarding the use of humiliation in scenes Miss Julie. I knew you’d be just as curious as I am about the topic. I could never quite understand or explain it either.As I mentioned... titilating! I thought I would reply in kind.
I’ve had the pleasure of being able to “play” with some sensational women in my day and bore witness to their faces becoming as red as their bare bums when faced with healthy doses of humiliation.
The power suit, power heels and power strut, corporate executive...Being made to wear a yellow gingham dress and knee socks, cute little Mary Janes with bows and pigtails. Made to stand in the corner with her bare bum on display...I haven’t even touched her yet...
But she’s dreading the moment I come up behind her for a “wet check”. She already knows the insides of her thighs are completely soaked and can’t explain why. Her current predicament is so embarrassing and humiliating for an adult woman...but her naughty girl parts won’t lie...
I’ve seen it happen without fail, multiple times over. That’s why I asked you Miss Julie...I don’t get it...but I love the shameful, involuntary reaction of a naughty girl. ;)
Oh dear! "Wet check"He responded with assurances that it goes both ways...
Do you think we are just to be bent over and have your large manly hands swipe themselves over our pussies for our "wet checks?"
No doubt a wet-handed slap to our bottoms afterwards as well!
Not at all Miss. I’ve been in the corner with “chastity tears” before too...and subjected to a “wet check”...So yes, it is undeniable that there is a certain portion of the population, both male and female, for whom a certain type of humiliation is indeed very sexy and can promote a noticeable physical response.
But the nexus between humiliation and shameful, involuntary arousal? Anything? Your idea to blog about it might be a good one Miss?
Maybe speak to your own experience in the corner and davids as well? Involuntary shame of wetness?
In the case of my husband, the other day I had him standing facing the wall with his spanked bum on display and a dildo up his butt while three other women and I discussed my theories of male training. As I discovered subsequently, this caused a real "leakage" situation that even went so far as to create sticky strands dripping out of his cocktip and multiple drops of pre-cum on my hardwood floor. This display was put on full view, of course, discussed and commented on at length, to allow for a full and complete shaming (see Husband Spanked in front of Feminist Lesbians - part 5).
The only other major "leakage" incident was immediately after he had received a legit massage from his regular massage therapist. In his post-massage relaxation, after his therapist had left the room, he touched himself a little (ostensibly thinking about me - do we believe him?), and his penis began spontaneously leaking pre-cum which he could not stop. While he was able to contain most of it and clean it up with tissues, he inadvertently wound up leaving a small stain on the sheet which was discovered after he left, and he was confronted with it at his next massage. This entire incident was incredibly humiliating for him, especially the gentle "talking to" he received from his massage therapist. I documented it (and his consequences) in Husband Diapered for Real Punishment. So I cannot imagine anything much more humiliating then that, but despite that it aroused him terrifically.
In general, david is very turned on by humiliation of any sort by women (but not at all by men). Anything a bit degrading makes his cock hard. This is especially true if we involve other women, especially in more vanilla circumstances where his humiliation is absolutely maximized. We do a lot of humiliation play as a result of this fetish of his.
For my part, I can totally understand, as I too find it to be be very sexy to be put in this type of a humiliating position. But for me, it can be either men or women on top of me, which I think reflects my bi-sexuality. There is a certain gut-wrenching, abject, butterflies in tummy, humiliation that really just turns my crank. This is especially the case if I am to be spanked, or if I am to be used sexually in degrading ways.
I was extremely aroused the first time I was placed in the corner by my friend Tracy. I was just beginning to really explore my submissive side. She and I (and her husband as it worked out) had a series of several extremely intense sessions. Tracy was assisted in her first session with me – where I was to be severely paddled by her – by a letter from my "Paddle Daddy" who made the paddle expressly to be used on my butt (This was all documented in Julie Paddled!). The letter suggested a full stripping, a "before" picture, and then ten minutes facing the wall in timeout before my paddling. After that, an "after picture" holding the instrument of my correction. Here they are (BLUSH!),
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| That's one well-paddled blogger! |
And here is an excerpt from that post, how I captured my thoughts at the time.
I got a little bored standing there. And I started thinking about what had gone on up to then, and what was yet to come. And standing there in abject humiliation... so... My hands were down and crossed in front of me... so... I rubbed my pussy. Just a bit... I guess that's why an experienced Dom makes a girl put her hands on her head in timeout. So I pushed my nose more into the wall, and i stuck my butt out, and i rubbed my clit, and i sort of gyrated my butt a bit (yes.. on purpose... I'm a brat, aren't I???)That was my first "real" timeout. I was so embarrassed, and got so wet! But as bad as that was, it got sort of exponentially more humiliating when her husband got to witness it as well.
"Are you... Are you... playing with yourself?" she asked in mock outrage.
"yes ma'am.." i said in a meek voice.
"You do not play with yourself while in timeout, missy! Get those hands to your sides, where I can see them!"
"Ohhhhh..." I said, sounding disappointed.
"You're finding this sexual, are you?" she asked.
Just the way she asked that, it was like a rhetorical question. I mean, Duh!
"We'll see how sexy it is when I start using that paddle on your butt!"
GULP!
"Six more minutes..."
...
"Three more minutes..."
...
"One more minute..."
"Ok. Times up. Get over here."
Phew! So that's what a timeout is like? And that was only ten minutes! Felt like a very long time to be cooling my jets. But towards the end I sort of sunk into it and the time went faster. There is NO preserving any sense of dignity when you are bare assed naked in the living room (I mean, totally bare: ass, tits, pussy, tummy, back, legs, ...) nose in the corner, waiting for your spanking!
On my second session with Tracy, Julie's Belt Licking!, her husband was invited as well. Tracy had made me go out with her to the store and help her to select a belt to use on me. While there, she bought me a little onesey she thought was cute. When I had to bare my butt for her husband that first time it was soooo mortifying!
Afterwards, he got to watch as Tracy gave me a belt lickin' on my bare bum!
The third time it was a "schoolgirl" roleplay and they were my Mommy and my Daddy. This time her husband John would be allowed to SPANK and FUCK me!!!
Before we started, Tracy took some pics of me. She did a series of three increasingly humiliating ones WHILE HER HUSBAND WATCHED!!!!
As I wrote at the time in Schoolgirl Punishment - part 2,
First I was told to kneel on their Ottoman. They made me arch my back and stick my bottom out. Tracy came behind me and fidgeted with the hem of my skirt. Pulling it down, smoothing it. Patting my bottom on top of it. Her husband was watching the whole show. Then she stepped back and she took a photo.It's so humiliating for an adult woman to be dressed like a schoolgirl and shown off like this, especially knowing that I was about to be SPANKED, bare bum, in front of and then by a strange man!!!
I felt her hands again on the hem of my skirt, and then I felt it being lifted and draped across my back. She arranged it so that skin was showing both above and below my little red panties. She pushed down on my lower back and made me hold my arch. She stepped back and took another photo.
"Your panties are very pretty, Julie," said John. That made my heart flutter a bit. A handsome man I barely know pointing that out.
I knew what was coming next. Tracy gleefully announced it: "They are pretty, but it's time for those panties to come down, little missy!" she said.
Oh no! With my butt presented like this, I knew my pussy would be in plain view!!!! I am an exhibitionist, clearly, but it's still embarrassing, I can assure you. Maybe that's why I show myself off like this? Am I a shame slut?
Tracy pulled my panties down slowly, slowly, and then arranged them as a band around my thighs for another photo.
"Very Nice!" John said. Oh my gosh! At this point I was hyper-ventilating!
Yes, I knew I was in for a paddling. This was the perfect position for it. It's the perfect position for something else as well...
After the photo, Tracy came back to me. She gingerly pulled my panties back up and arranged them to cover my private parts completely. Her handling of me was exciting. The pussy show was over. For now.
I was relieved to no longer have to display my vagina for her husband's perverse amusement. Tracy had owned me with that panty lowering. She demonstrated that if it was her will that my pussy be displayed to her husband, it would be displayed to her husband!
She helped me to my feet. She looked at my face. She could see I was flustered and breathless. "You poor dear!" she said and she hugged me. "Did your little show for John excite you?" she asked with a laugh in her voice. "yes..." I whispered breathlessly in her ear.
And here I was, over John's lap, spanked!
And believe me, his hand certainly did "stray"!
So yes, both my husband and I have experienced the sexiness of this kind of humiliation. But why?
Here is my theory. Please be kind to me. I have zero academic credentials in any of this and am TOTALLY speculating. Have not even read anything about it. I would really enjoy a followup discussion in the comments section where you criticize my view and propose some of your own.
For my part, I think it starts with evolution and genetics. A successful mating strategy for a woman was to appear meek and submissive and sexually available towards the strongest, most dominant man she could attract: a man who stood a good chance of protecting her and her offspring. The successful strategy for the man was to display dominance over the most fit woman he could attract.
Women who became sexually excited by being put in these submissive situations by a dominant man, who enjoyed it at some level, and who lubricated freely, were more successful at breeding, and those genes spread. Likewise for men with their dominant streak. If they got turned on by being dominant, they would want to do it more often, their cocks would be stiffer, and their ejaculations quicker and more copious. Obvious breeding advantages.
But genes aren't so smart. There is a lot of spillover. So, for example, if a woman is dominant towards me it sort of accidentally has the same effect.
Being humiliated is to accept your submission in some sense. And women are wired to be sexually turned on as a result. Of course, there are many environmental factors that mitigate and control this, and our brains can resist our drives very successfully if the right conditions do not line up (e.g., an obnoxious guy I would definitely NOT want to mate with!).
But then how to explain male submission and female dominance?
I think it is actually similar. Because the male and female genes get all mixed up with one another over time, I think that basic drive to be submissive and dominant exists in both sexes. The Yin and the Yang as it were.
For a man, who is expected to be dominant in society, he must suppress these opposite urges. But the more we suppress something like that, the more it wants to come out and play, especially as these particular urges are tied to our sexuality. This also explains why if a man is heterosexual, being dominated and humiliated by a woman is particularly important, as those two things get so tied up together in their genes.
For a woman, it is really amazing to be able to fully exert her dominant side. But I think that nowadays we are being called upon more and more to do that within society as it is, so it takes a special woman!
Anyways, those are my tow cents on the topic. What do you think?
I recently read that in terms of mating strategy, the female pairs with a male who will stay with her and raise her offspring. However, in many species, perhaps including ours, the female will seek out the strongest, most fit male for mating to produce offspring. I think your idea that a strategy to motivate a male to mate is to act weak and submissive makes sense. More likely, the strategy is to appear available.
ReplyDeleteI know that I'm aroused by a meek female displaying her spanked bottom. Exposure and humiliation are turn ons for me. I'm turned on when I'm put in a humiliating position as well. I can't explain that in terms of a reproductive strategy. Does seeing me humiliated turn on a woman? Or, does it produce scorn?
Turns ME on! I think it’s just genetic crossed wires for males subbing to females, which is what makes it fun to play with.
DeleteGreat to see those pictures again, especially the last one :D
ReplyDeleteThat email was VERY titillating. I have a strong desire to put my girlfriend in a gingham dress and pigtails and spank her bare bottom the moment she gets home from work.
Indeed! It inspired my post and reliving some of my subbier moments.
Deleteso are you going to get david into a sissy baby costume for halloween this year? He should definitely get a full makeover at the very least with you in preparation for the Holiday
ReplyDeleteSarah
I think he should go as a girl.
DeleteYour theories sound reasonable to me. I don't have any academic credentials either. To answer the "Why?", on the one hand there are scientific theories that try to show demonstrable biological and social connections of universal cause and effect, and then for those of us who are actually turned-on by spanking and humiliation, we have our own personal feelings that we try to make sense out of from connections to our own personal experiences. I think our kinks are complex, certainly influenced by culture and evolution, but also unique to each of us. So I speak for myself with a layman's education.
ReplyDeletePart of it is that I had a lot of ideas growing up that didn't necessarily make good sense or reflect reality, many that were influenced by a culture that was often hypocritical or confused, and some that were maybe solid universal truths. Out of that mix came the feeling that spanking was severe humiliation. In at least some ways, I'm still that child.
Why was it so humiliating to me and not so much or at all for others? In answering that question, the answers for which may be different for me than for other spankos, I can then begin to see a broader range of humiliations relevant to my sexuality. Then I can try to understand, Why? What is the connection between humiliation and sexual arousal? I tend to think of it as kind of a kink or "mistake" in my wiring. Not a bad thing, but also not needed to foster the preservation of the species. That could just be my own ignorance.
I'm sure I could write a book about the aspects of spanking and associated experiences that elicit in me feelings of embarrassment, shame, and humiliation. Submission, emasculation, exposure, helplessness, immaturity, failure, inadequacy, crime and justified punishment, conformity and the pressure felt to be accepted or respected by peers, sexual control or perversity, focus on the buttocks, indignity and basically anything that forces a demonstration of vulnerability. As a boy, all of these elements were a tidal wave of forces pulling and pushing me to and from the flame that was spanking. Why? Though all about humiliation, probably interconnected and related, I think each aspect also has a somewhat different explanation. Maybe I should try to write that book. :)
Only if you make it more sexy!
DeleteYes, I tend to be clinical and pragmatic when thinking about these kinds of questions, but then I also have no academic credentials supporting my notions. Even if I found the time for it, no one would want to read such a book.
DeleteHa ha! Just teasing... MOST of your stuff is sexy, brent
DeleteHumiliation like pain stimulates an area of the brain that remembers social rewards. It’s an anxiety rush. Like going on a roller coaster for the first time. Scary but exciting. This stimulation in the brain is common to most mammals. So nearly everyone exerierences it but only a few choose to seek it out in kink. Not necessarily connected to reproduction.
ReplyDeleteInteresting! Thank you for the insight.
DeleteWhy indeed? I’ve mostly stopped asking and just go with the flow.
ReplyDeleteBut some of my earliest memories involve being fascinated with what under girls’ skirts. So near and yet so far and so naughty or so I was told (by somebody).
Today, being spanked (and tied up and lectured and pantied and further humiliated) is the best relaxation imaginable. And when Irene puts her ample bottom on my face, all my senses are wholly overtaken.
Our “dates” take place about one a week now that we are in our sixties, but the rhythm of them controls all my emotional space,
I wanted to add a bit to my comment. I don't know how David got interested in this. Julie, you, like my wife Irene, got into it because your husbands brought it up - and you both took to it with relish.
DeleteMy interest dates back to when I was five at least - possible before - because I remember fantasizing in my bedroom before we moved across town. It was already an intense obsession that I shared with no one, but it skyrocketed at puberty.
But there was no internet where I could see all these other folks with similar interests and I didn't feel normal. I had one powerful experience at 13 but never felt comfortable asking my girlfriends until I got together with Irene at 24 (though looking back I think I missed a few opportunities).
But how it entered my psyche when I was very young I will never know.
-Rosco
Same here. It goes back to very early childhood.
Deletedear julie,
ReplyDeletethanks again for another great post.
I too am not a pro psych major but would gladly share what makes humiliation a powerful force in my life. i can tell you i had feelings of submission from a very young age. i can remember being a 4 year old and watching a popeye cartoon where he was forced to go through a mechanized torture course where he was punched, spanked and kicked by the machines. Even then i found my pre-pubescent penis standing at full attention.
i had another incident a year or so later where during a party at my house my female cousin who was 3 years older than me helped me change into pajamas. she pulled my pants off and promptly pointed, laughed at me and woohood. i liked it so much i asked her to do it again.
i can say also that i grew up in a house where my mother was the dominant force in the family. This is true on my wife's side of the family as well and i can say that all her brothers 6 of them married alpha females. for my wife to have grown up being subjugated by her brothers taking a dominant role over me wasn't a hard transition.
Humiliation now for me is like a drug that i crave. as our marriage grew and we shared each others desires my needs became apparent over time. what started as smelling, massaging and kissing her feet, just morphed to be more severe over time. Being hung by my underwear off a doorknob getting an atomic wedgie while she laughed at me morphed into my begging to be allowed to wear her panties and from that to a bra, nighties, onesies, stockings etc. this eventually moved into her putting on a strapon, looking down at it and asking if that was what i truly wanted... i did :) spanking only recently came into play and what started as soft swats on the ass turned into me begging for her to hit me as hard as she can. this coupled with corner time. I can say when she does it that her face gets flushed and she gets aroused, knowing that it hurts like hell but both of us don't care.
finally being in the corner of our bedroom fully femmed out with a pair of her worn panties on my head suspended by my balls while i wait for her just dries me into subspace. i get the butterflies in the stomach, full on nervousness and anxiety of whats to come and a fullblown hard on with leakage.
sorry for rambling but i guess in the end i am hardwired this way and thank god has a partner that takes care of my needs.
thanks so much for letting me share.
regards,
sgirard
And we can, as a result, have so much more fun than normies!
DeleteYou are overthinking this. The action of spanking and humiliation releases pleasant endorphins. No deep theories of social mating rituals involved. It’s simple science. You obviously weren’t paying attention in science lessons so pull your pants down, bend over and give yourself 12 hard ones. You’ll feel good afterwards.
ReplyDeleteHow about you start by first saying, “thank you Miss Julie, for treating us to your most vulnerable and lovely gallery of naughty bum images.” ?
DeleteI disagree that it’s a simple matter of endorphins. I think that is probably true for some people, but not for all. I know some spankos for whom spanking is a purely physical thing. They enjoy the physical act, but they don’t see it as humiliating, so they aren’t interested in the wonderful psychological intricacies of shame and humiliation the way some of us are. Your theory may account for them. But for some of us the rituals of humiliation surrounding a spanking are as important as the actual physical act. I don’t think that is explained by simple brain chemistry.
DeleteGood discussion! I don’t at all mind the “direct approach” I may very well be overthinking it!
DeleteYes, the action of spanking and humiliation releases pleasant endorphins. The question Julie is asking is why?
ReplyDeleteI think it may have something to do with intimacy. Things which would be humiliating if done by a stranger may seem intimate if done by a friend or lover. For example, some languages have two words for "you", one used with strangers (French "vous", Spanish "Usted") and one used with friends and relatives (in both French and Spanish "tu"). Using the "tu" form with a stranger is very impolite and can cause humiliation, but using it with a friend expresses intimacy. Maybe it is the same with spanking, etc?
I have a question of my own. Do other women enjoy spanking or humiliating their partner in front of other women? If so, what do they like about it? When my girlfriend started spanking me, I was at first not sure if she was really into it that strongly. Then one day while we were out, I made an uncomplimentary remark about her new hairdo. Suddenly: Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! She swatted my bottom hard several times, in view of a woman who was passing us by. Since then she has swatted me in front of other women a number of times, and she suggested that we contact other couples where the woman spanks her partner.
richard
For sure! I enjoy showing off my control over my man. But mostly I enjoy him enjoying the double extra humiliation he feels. It’s also an intimate form of bonding between women, which is nice.
DeleteIt is interesting that spankings in their own way bring sexual satisfaction. I as a male always have an erection when knowing a spanking is coming. My wife will make comments as I stand either naked or just pants and underpants down and my penis erect. It does hurt the longer I wait for the spanking, but having to masturbate for her I dread the most. For a male the erection does go away during the spanking and then the spanking hurts the most and my wife knows that. Those times that nothing is done prior to the spanking about the erection are really the worse. A male can handle a spanking as long as the erection is there, once it is limp, the spanking is truly felt and no matter what this male acts like a little boy kicking, squirming, pleading, begging all to no avail.
ReplyDeleteSo this is how a male reacts to a spanking. Jack
Yes, I reserve the “limp spanking” for serious transgressions!
DeleteIt’s got nothing to do with intimacy or any other pyschobabble nonsense. Many of us think we’re special and complicated and so we flatter ourselves into thinking answers to our questions must also be special and complicated. They’re not. People like pain and humiliation because a chemical reaction in their brain gives them pleasure. Otherwise they wouldn’t do it. Simple as that.
ReplyDeleteWhat causes the chemical reaction?
DeleteYes, I think it begs that question...
DeleteYou’ve heard of runners high right? Your body naturally releases chemicals in response to pain or extreme exertion to cause a chemical reaction to take the edge off and make you feel amazing. This release occurs when you eat chocolate, make music and many other situations including having your ass spanked. “Endorphins” are one of a group of “neurotransmitters” such as dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin that are all responsible for our happiness. So you enjoy being spanked because it makes you feel good just like running or eating chocolate makes you feel good.
DeleteBut not for everybody with spanking?
DeleteVirtually all. Pain and humiliation = natural release of endorphins.
DeleteAnonymous, there are some problems with your theory that simple brain chemistry explains our eroticization of spanking and humiliation.
Delete1. As Julie pointed out, not everyone is turned on by it. The things that turn us masochists on would be experienced by non-masochistic people as abuse.
2. Even for us masochists, most pain and humiliation is undesirable. It only becomes desirable in certain contexts where it is eroticized.
3. Even in an erotic context, not all masochists respond sexually to the same stimuli. E.g. Some of us are turned on by the humiliation of being spanked, but serious physical pain would turn us off. Some spankos are turned on by the physical sensation of being spanked, but humiliation turns them off.
4. I have experienced "runners high" from pushing my physical limits. Yes, there is a feeling of well-being, but there is nothing sexual about it.
4. Most of us masochists have rich fantasy lives and can get very pleasurably aroused by imagined pain and humiliation. In fact, we can get turned on by imagined pain and humiliation that we would NOT want to experience in real life.
I don't believe these psychological subtleties can be reduced to simple brain chemistry. That is not to say that endorphins don't play any role, just that they are not the entire story.
You wouldn’t engage in any of these activities if you didn’t find them pleasurable and chemistry makes them so. The majority of the population finds other ways to get their pleasure hit. They go to an amusement park, watch a horror movie or eat chocolate. People like to think they’re special and look for complicated answers like “psychological subleties” to a simple question.
DeleteQ. Why is spanking enjoyable? A. Neurotransmitters. If you find it sexual so much the better but like all mammals you crave the chemical rush.
I have to agree with Anonymous (the 5th one... PSA: please sign your comments with at least a made up name! :-). I think it’s more subtle and genetic and psychological. Sure the chemicals are at the end of the chain, but it hardly explains matters.
DeleteThe trouble with saying the sexual response of masochists is due to neurotransmitters is that such crude reductionism has no explanatory power, which makes it useless as a scientific hypothesis. Sure, pain and humiliation cause a release of endorphins. But why then is pain and humiliation only erotic and pleasurable for some of us, and why only in certain circumstances that are somewhat unique to each individual? As you say, Julie, “chemicals are at the end of the chain,” but they explain nothing.
DeleteDJ
Dear all please open your minds to the possibility that science may provide a better explanation than pyschobabble to Ms Julie’s question.
DeleteSpend 1 minute and goggle the word “neurotransmitters”. You will see that these fascinating critters play a major role not just in shaping your kinky life but your WHOLE life.
As for your issue with my answer to the question which seems to be “if neurotransmitters are so desirable then why doesn’t everyone want to be spanked?” the answer is obvious. Not all humans are the same. For some the neurotransmitters for pain and/or humiliation are stronger and more prevalent than for others where they are low and barely exist. Those on the strong end of the scale seek out pain and humiliation. The others don’t.
Isn’t this a better explanation than “once I saw a child being spanked?”
Galileo
I still think it begs the question...
DeleteGalileo, you have not advanced a “scientific” hypothesis because what you propose is too vague and lacking in explanatory power to be tested. I suggest you read some philosophy of science. The idea that psychology can be reduced to biology, biology can be reduced to chemistry, and chemistry can be reduced to physics is interesting, but scientists have not actually been able to do any of that. You might as well tell us that David’s desire to submit to Julie in humiliating ways is a result of subatomic reactions going back to the Big Bang. Yeah, that covers it.
DeleteAnd here’s a more interesting question about men’s penises. Why do some men desire to submit to the humiliation of having their penises locked in steel or plastic cages so they can’t enjoy the pleasurable sensation of touching themselves or having orgasms without the permission of a woman? Explain that sadomasochistic behaviour by means of nerve endings. Lol.
DJ
This is what those blind to the truth said about Newton and his apple. “Too simple” they said. “Not in line with our myths” they said. “We’re special so the answer must be mysterious” they said.
DeleteAs for your question those who lock their penis in cages do so because they enjoy the pleasant neurotransmitters released when humiliation is experienced. Not complicated. No pyshobabble required to understand it. Do some reading. Neurotransmitters are the key to understanding much human behaviour. Galileo
As an addendum here are more questions and an answer for you. Why is a kiss pleasant, why do we feel good after exercise, why do people like chocolate and coffee and why do they want to be spanked? Answer is because they like the effects of neurotransmitters (especially serotonin and dopamine). A monkey learns doing something feels good so the monkey wants to do it again. Galileo
DeleteWhy do people like to talk about spanking and humiliation and why they feel the way they feel. Probably neurotransmitters, but that explanation doesn't satisfy, so apparently talking about neurotransmitters doesn't produce the chemicals we want. IOW, we get it, but you're boring us.
DeleteYeah, cuz we really know how it all works now, don't we?
Delete100%
Delete110%!
DeleteJulie, it is always fascinating to speculate about possible evolutionary reasons for our sexual kinks, but we can never know whether our speculations are true. In any case, I like your theory on the origin of female sexual submissiveness and I have a theory of my own on the possible evolutionary origin of male erotic submissiveness.
ReplyDeleteA short answer to why some men are sexually submissive is that in a primitive state of human development, where the strongest males would rule and claim sexual privilege with all the females, submissiveness would have a survival value for weaker males. Submitting to the sexual privilege of the strongest male would be a safe course of action for weaker males, and learning to derive erotic pleasure from jealousy and humiliation would be an adaptive behavior.
There would also be an evolutionary advantage for all concerned for beta males to be submissive, not only to alpha males, but to females. Think of a community of primates in which the alpha male has sexual privilege with all the females. The females would all want to breed with the alpha male for genetic reasons, to get the best genes for their offspring. But in order to raise children, the females would need to enlist the aid of a male to be a father in a domestic way. According to that theory, females may have an evolutionary instinct to mate with alpha males but to bind beta males to themselves as mates. (Interestingly, there is psychological evidence that women have the strongest urge to cheat on their husbands at the time of the month when they are most fertile. Some only fantasize about it. Some do it). There would be evolutionary advantage for everyone in that arrangement:
- the alpha male would get to mate with all the females and leave the domestic role of fatherhood to cuckold beta males
- the beta male would get to have a sexual relationship with a female by trading domestic service to the female and her children in exchange for sex, as long as he accepted the right of the alpha male and his mate to cuckold him periodically. Deriving sexual pleasure from that "humiliation" would be an adaptive behavior.
- the female would occasionally get to have sex with the alpha male, with the genetic advantage that entails, but she could also use her sexuality to bind a less dominant male to herself as a fulltime "mate", to provide domestic service to her and her offspring. (I believe there is psychological evidence that many modern women don’t view the most sexually desirable male as the most desirable mate).
That theory explains why cuckolds would get turned on by their partners’ infidelity. And the masochism involved in being a cuckold could develop into a more generalized kind of masochism, like getting erotic pleasure from the humiliation of being bossed around by one's mate, or the pain and humiliation of being punished by her.
Julie, when I began to explore my erotic feelings about the humiliation of being spanked, I couldn’t imagine desiring to be cuckolded. That seemed like a humiliation too far. However, spanking and cuckolding are commonly linked in femdom erotica, so one fantasy led to the other for me. It is possible that my spanking fantasies led to my cuckold fantasies, like going from one drug to another as I began to desire a higher level of humiliation. But if one accepts an evolutionary theory of male submission, it is possible that being cuckolded is the most primal humiliation and that F/M spanking fantasies derive from that.
As a final note, I don’t believe that the terms “alpha” and “beta” male are actually very meaningful in modern society where brains dominate brawn. The guy who would have been an alpha male in a primitive society may now find himself waiting on the table of the guy who would have a beta back then. And, as you said, genes get “all mixed up” over time, so a guy who has many of the characteristics of an “alpha male” may find himself turned on by fantasies of sexual submission.
Very nice, professor! Love it!
DeleteI posted my evolutionary theory of the origin of male submissiveness above. Now I will give a non-evolutionary theory.
ReplyDeleteIntrospection has led me to believe that my eroticization of spanking may derive from two contradictory elements of my “education” in early childhood. On the one hand, like most kids in North American society, I learned very early that nudity was something to be ashamed of, especially nudity in the presence of the opposite sex. Specifically, I learned that the parts of myself covered by my pants should be hidden from girls and that it would be very embarrassing to be seen by girls with my pants down.
I should also say that I had sexual feelings about the opposite sex from a very early age. I didn’t know what sex was, but I knew there was something about girls that excited me in a way I later came to understand as sexual. I suppose I felt that the shame of being seen naked by girls was linked to those feelings. So already there was a link between shame and embarrassment in sexual feelings.
In contradiction to my socialization to feel ashamed of nudity in front of the opposite sex, my parents sometimes punished me by taking my pants down to spank me. This was sometimes done in front of my sisters, or even in front of other girls or women outside our nuclear family (cousins, aunts, friends of my sisters). I suppose that in my parents minds, it was no big deal to expose me that way because I was a little kid. But to me it was intensely embarrassing, and that embarrassment was linked to my sexual feelings about the opposite sex.
I somehow learned how to masturbate very early (perhaps by the age of five), way before I knew what sex was, and the fantasies that always accompanied my erotic touching of myself involved the embarrassment I dreaded: being spanked on the bare bum in front of girls, especially girls I liked. Eventually, the fantasy evolved so that I imagined being spanked BY the girls I liked. In that way, sexual desire and humiliation became inextricably linked in my mind at a very early age.
I saw a boy cousin get spanked once (with a belt).It was fascinating for me...
DeleteHey, maybe that was me! ;-)
DeleteJulie, have you written about the experience of seeing your boy cousin get spanked with a belt? If so, could you point me to that post? I’m interested because I experienced that from the perspective of the boy cousin, and it had a big impact on me.
DeleteI have, search in my own little search box for “Childhood Spankings”.
DeleteThanks, Julie. Interesting. Is there any point in commenting on old posts like that, or are they finished business at this point?
DeleteSure! I receive notifications and will go back to engage (as I just did, in fact). Though few others will see it, I imagine.
DeleteWhat a beautiful butt!!!
ReplyDelete-d
That composite before-and-after corner-time photo showing a pale, unblemished bottom on the left, and on the right submissively holding the paddle behind her back over a very red-paddled behind, is one of hottest images I've seen. Miss Julie should blush nicely when she looks at it. :)
DeleteThank you!
DeleteI look so calm standing there holding that paddle. You should have seen me five minutes earlier!
Dear Julie, I'm going with Freud on this one. I think your feelings of being humiliated go back to your father spanking you and the love he had for you,and that is why you have your daddy fantasy also. I think mine go back to having a strong mother and the spanking I received from her and the lectures and corner time. As far as switching roles I'm a middle brained individual, and most people are either left or right dominant, and I believe this feature of my brain allows me to switch roles and enjoy. Julie which part of your brain is dominant?
ReplyDeleteJohn
For sure my Daddy fantasies play into all my sexuality, more than for most I expect. I’m not sure which side dominates. How do you tell, is there a test?
DeleteYes there is a test here is one:one.http://www.rit.edu/imagine/brain.php
DeleteJohn
Sent you a PM with a possible scene.
DeleteJohn
Thank you!
DeleteTook the test. I’m solidly “both-brained”!
DeleteI’m wondering if that does correlate to being a switch. It does give us an advantage in the business world.
DeleteJohn
I wonder if there is any correlation to being both-brained and being a switch. It does help in business being able to switch back and forth between qualitative and quantitative thinking. This test made a major impact in my successful career.
DeleteJohn
I think being balanced is a good thing we should strive for. Interesting hypothesis regarding switches. Somebody needs to do some research on it!
Deletei wonder if the procreation angle will apply to dominant ladies submissive men in so far as the lady will want to procreate with him. where it falls down is in a cuckold relationship. i am rarely allowed such activities with my wife. perhaps that is the example of how the 'strong' survive as shes doing that with someone else.
ReplyDeleteas to the why its a hard wired thing. we discuss everything we do. all involved including myself agree to the activity. it could be months before we do it. doing is random / spontaneous. i may be being forced to do it but i have prevuously agreed to it.
being put in situations or forced to do things have a natural glowy feeling to them. the nervousness of jumping off a high diving board is similar to the nervousness i feel knowing im going to be whipped. its a delicious feeling
the clothing accentuates the scenarios. the helplessness of being a baby. the ridiculousness of wearing lingerie or panties. all add to my distinct humiliation. but also my pleasures.
my wife found doing this stuff to me funny at first. she came to anticipate and enjoy over time. the cuckold thing she really likes as she gets the pleasures she wants.
Sissy snow, I see cuckolding as a form of erotic humiliation play that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with “procreation”, since modern methods of contraception allow us to separate sex from procreation. I also think that many of us discover the pleasure of cuckolding after many years of marriage, when our children are grown up and procreation is no longer an issue. It would be interesting to know how often the F/M spanking kink is associated with cuckold fantasies.
DeleteDoes not particularly turn my crank to cuckold my husband, though I would do it for him...
DeleteI don’t think cuckolding is for everyone, Julie. I don’t think I would enjoy it if I thought my wife was doing it only for me. We found our way into it by talking to one another about our fantasies. After I revealed to my wife that I found cuckold fantasies hot, she revealed that she had fantasies about extramarital sex. I think the naughtiness of the fantasy turned her on. Also, she had not had very much sexual experience before we were married, and she was curious what sex might be like with other men. We played with the fantasy for a long time, and that was exciting, so when the opportunity eventually presented itself for her to have sex with a guy she found sexy, we talked about it and agreed to play it out. It was super exciting for both of us, and it deepened our own relationship. When she would tell me how great the sex was with the other guy, I would get turned on by the jealousy, but it also made me happy to see how much pleasure she got from the sexual variety. Also, having a lover as well as an adoring husband made her feel really sexy and confident, and that confidence caused her to become more dominant in our FLR, which was a bonus for me. I know it’s not for everyone, but it has been great for us.
DeleteJulie, You have cuckold David with both a man and a woman.
DeleteJohn
Interesting, thank you.
DeleteBoth David and I have had sexual experiences with other men/women since we were married, but I would not say it was a “cuckold” as there was no element of not both of us wanting it or of humiliation.
Julie, if you and David allow one another to have sexual experiences with other men and women, I guess you could say that you are to some degree practicing “open marriage.” The way I view the experience of being cuckolded by my wife is that we have a marriage that is open for her but not for me. That one-sidedness feels wonderfully submissive to me, but my wife does not have sex with her lover to humiliate me. She does it for her own enjoyment. Mind you, I think she likes the fact that she can have a lover while I am entirely faithful to her. And since she knows that humiliation turns me on, she does push those buttons sometimes. I am a lucky man.
DeleteI would not at all characterize as an open marriage. I can be fearfully jealous. He’s my man and hands off, bitches! When I am feeling solidly in control, I allow some supervised play. He is fine with me sleeping around, not a jealous bone in his body. But I don’t (much), because I believe in the sanctity of marriage.
DeleteJulie, maybe “open marriage” is the wrong term for what I and my wife have. What I meant is that I am not possessive of my wife’s sexuality, which is similar to David when you say, “He is fine with me sleeping around.” You say David allows it because he doesn’t have “a jealous bone in his body.” On one level, I’m not jealous either. On another level, I can feel jealous, but in a way that turns me on. Incidentally, my wife and I also believe in “the sanctity of marriage”, taking “sanctity” to mean requiring total commitment. We have been married for 37 years, and for us it really is “until death do us part.” Like you, my wife doesn’t “sleep around...much.” She is very picky about sex, so she has only had sex when the emotional and physical chemistry has been totally right for her. So our marriage isn’t “open” in a revolving door way. But I think you will agree that the freedom David gives you and I give to my wife would be incomprehensible to many men, whether you use the term “open marriage” or not. Final point, I think it is very generous that you “allow David some supervised play.” If my wife offered me the opportunity to have sex with another woman or to be spanked by another woman, I would probably take the spanking. So it’s wonderful for David that you are open to that kind of supervised play.
DeleteDJ
That all sounds right to me! Supervised play is as much fun for me as for him. Tee hee.
DeleteI have found myself asking “why” about my desire for and arousal by humiliation when seeking to understand or “fix” myself. But as many times as I’ve asked why, I’ve never arrived at an answer. If anything, for me, asking why only resulted in reducing the unique, unexplainable pleasure that humiliation brings. So I quit asking!
ReplyDeletesubmissively,
david
No need to fix what ain’t broke!
DeleteAn important piece of information missing for me is about numbers. What percentage of people, male or female, are turned on by humiliation - feelings of degradation, humility, shame or embarrassment? If that number is not substantial, then theories about evolution of the species, adaptation for survival, and natural chemical processes are not as compelling.
ReplyDeleteI don’t think it’s huge. You would have thought my and others blogs would have attracted all in North America, which would amount to a tiny fraction. Wonder how many distinct viewers SpankingTube has?
DeleteIt's good that even a small percentage of spanking enthusiasts should make millions of people in this big world. And spanking is a fairly large umbrella under which many kinks stand, whether it's about smacking a sexy ass, or humiliating a bad boy or girl, or any number of other motivations. To me, at least part of the draw to spanking is that it's not too common a scene or turn-on, or else conventionality would kill its piquancy.
DeleteJulie - out of curiosity, how many distinct viewers does your blog draw, say, per week or month? Any way to get a rough idea of distinct annual viewers? Unique IP addresses might be the best you can do, though would overstate number because of people who view at home and other physical locations with different IP addresses...
DeleteBest,
-T.
I don’t think the numbers are that small. Look at the huge success of Fifty Shades of Gray among women. I also read a book about sexual fantasies by a psychologist once, and it said that a very sizeable minority of men (perhaps a third, I forget the exact figure) report in surveys on sexuality that they are turned on by the idea of submitting to a dominant woman. Unfortunately, submissive men far outnumber dominant women. You also have to figure that this kink runs counter to our social conditioning, so many people probably repress these fantasies, or at least keep them secret, sometimes even from their spouses. But then, I suppose Brett is right that piquancy of this kink—its delicious shamefulness—is in part derived from its unconventionality.
DeleteAccording to Google Analytics I have 350K distinct users per year, 90% new; 36K last month, 85% new; 8500 last week, 75% new.
DeleteNot sure how representative that is of reality!
Julie, I think your numbers show that the interest in these things is widespread. Those big numbers on your page are the tip of the iceberg. Consider that I have been into this stuff for years, and I only discovered your blog recently. And for every person exploring their sado-masochistic fantasies online or in their relationships or with professional dominatices, there are probably several others repressing similar fantasies.
DeleteOnline is a pretty anonymous way to explore what turns us on, so I think repression is less of an issue than in "real life." Google makes information easily accessible. If someone is really into dominant women who spank, I have to wonder how they haven't found this blog. But, apparently, new people are discovering it every day.
DeleteWith regard to what turns us on and why, it's the perception that matters. Regardless of the percentage of people who are actual spankos, as long as most are too embarrassed to live it publicly, it retains its power. If it ever became mainstream, or an expected form of expression regardless of age or gender, then what would make it different than any other form of conventional sex? No feelings of humiliation, nothing to be embarrassed about. Who wants that? :)
Good points!
DeleteBrett, you seem to be saying that spanking is only embarrassing because it is kinky, i.e. outside the sexual mainstream, and that if it became more mainstream it would become less embarrassing. I’m not sure that’s true. When I was growing up, spanking was a very “mainstream” form of discipline, and I imagine most people thought there was nothing sexual about it. Some of us, however, responded to it right from early childhood in a way that can only be described as kinky. I can’t see myself failing to have erotic feelings about spanking no matter how commonplace it becomes.
DeleteThat's a good point, but adult and childhood experiences are very different situations. Childhood spanking was especially humiliating for some of us because it was not sexually motivated, it was forced on us, and there was the shame derived from the situation where punishment was required. If it must be endured at a time of life where one already has insecurities, is trying to be "adult," expects to be treated as more mature, wants to be tougher, cooler, more independent, then the seeds are planted for a lifetime association between spanking and humiliation.
DeleteA large factor in the humiliation felt was that spanking really wasn't "mainstream" where I lived as an adolescent. My perception was that the practice was becoming controversial, and really associated with a punishment used for small children. My perception was that to be spanked was to be emasculated. Early on, when I was just a little kid who got spanked like most little kids, humiliation was part of it because it was punishment, but much less so.
So my point is that embarrassment comes from the feeling of being treated in a way, or to have desires revealed, that don't match how one wants to view themselves. How one wants to view themselves tends to come from what society deems as "normal" and attractive. As adults, nothing is forced on us. If most people like getting spanked and openly express that it's just normal sexual expression, then what's embarrassing about it? It's not punishment. It's not kinky. Nothing unusual, no secret is being revealed. For a male, it doesn't challenge a view of masculinity. If adult spanking became commonplace, other erotic aspects of it would remain erotic, but I wouldn't understand why you'd be embarrassed by it.
Brett, you make good points. I was spanked until about puberty. Once I became a teenager, my parents used different kinds of punishments, like grounding, loss of privileges, loss of allowance, etc. I found spankings embarrassing as a child, so I can hardly imagine how humiliating I would have found it to be punished that way as an adolescent. You’re right, that wasn't “mainstream”, even back then.
DeleteI agree with your point that when a grown man is spanked, it feels emasculating in one of two ways. Either I feel like I am being stripped of my adult status, or I feel shamed by the awareness that my wife “wears the pants”. (Such a wonderfully emasculating metaphor). So you are right that part of the humiliation is that the man I am revealed to be when my wife spanks me (in her eyes and my own) is one other people might regard with derision if they knew. My wife sometimes pushes that humiliation button: “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself, a grown man who has to spanked like a naughty little boy in order to do as he’s told.” I love that button! Lol. So I can see that you would not want to lose that aspect of our kink because of it becoming too “mainstream”.
That being said, I can’t imagine ever losing the wonderful feeling of humiliation I get from being spanked. I once asked my wife, “Would you be embarrassed if our families and friends found out that you spank me?” I figured it might embarrass her as much it would embarrass me because of the “kink” factor. She laughed and said, “Why would it embarrass me? You’re the one who gets spanked.” I found her response incredibly erotic because of the additional level of power exchange it implied. Knowing that our lifestyle is shaming to me but not to her makes me feel that I am even more thoroughly at her mercy. It isn’t her embarrassment that prevents her from outing me.
Anyway, here’s a thought experiment, Brett. Imagine if adult domestic discipline were as mainstream as spanking children once was. Imagine you knew lots of people (male or female) got spanked by their partners because DD was a common pop cultural theme. Would being spanked really cease to be embarrassing?
To demonstrate, imagine a specific situation. Remember how embarrassed we felt as children when people knew we were going to be spanked? I can still hear my mother’s blush inducing words, “Just wait until we get home, mister!” I guess I could have asked myself, “Why be embarrassed? There’s nothing unusual about a boy your age being spanked by his mother.” But it WAS embarrassing because it wasn’t just any boy. It was ME! Doubly embarrassing, I knew people could speculate, based on the commonness of the practice, that it might well be a bare bottomed spanking over my mother’s knee. (Actually, given my sisters’ big mouths, that would have been more than speculation. LOL).
Imagine now the same situation in the imagined era of normalized adult/adult spanking. You are at a party with your wife, and you do or say something that annoys her. Because there is nothing especially kinky about DD, she tears a strip off you right in front of your friends, then makes that age old threat, “Just wait until we get home, mister!” All around you there are giggles and knowing smiles because everyone knows exactly what happens at home when a submissive husband incurs the wrath of his wife. Would it really lessen your embarrassment to know spanking was common?
DJ
What a wonderful world you describe, DJ! Still incredibly embarrassing I agree!
DeleteDJ, it's not an easy situation to predict because it's not the reality. However, our feelings of embarrassment are created by our perceptions of the world we live in. We've never experienced the world you describe, so would our feelings not be different?
DeleteAgain comparing to childhood, a spanking was to have our power and autonomy taken away from us, so that will never match an adult relationship that is not only consensual, but what the male seeks out and desires. If we stretch that to a world where most men crave spanking for punishment, and we see examples of it happening regularly, then I'm not sure why anyone would be giggling about it at the party. The male is being treated as he wants, and there's nothing unusual about it. In fact, the very fabric of society has been shaped by this widespread male desire to be under the authority of a woman. Contrast that to the reality. If a wife threatens her husband like that today, he's in a situation most people are not used to, or don't even understand. Some might giggle because they do know about DD, and it's amusing to see a husband dominated in such a way by his wife because it is contrary to what we expect in most adult relationships and with conventional masculinity. For some at the party, they don't get it and are simply shocked, which to me is more embarrassing than the ones who find it amusing.
Brett, I guess we just have different sensibilities about spanking. You seem to process humiliation very rationally, i.e. if I want it, why should I feel embarrassed about getting it? I see your point. But the fact is that when my wife spanks me, I do feel embarrassed, even in the privacy of our bedroom. It’s a primal feeling for me. Consent doesn’t change that.
DeleteIncidentally, you have misunderstood the world I imagined in my thought experiment. It is not a matriarchal world in which all men are submissive to women. I simply imagined adult/adult domestic discipline becoming common enough that it would no longer be considered a kink. That doesn’t mean that everyone would be in D/s relationships, just that many people would be. And there would be every variation of D/s relationship, just as there is today: M/F, F/M, M/M, and F/F. In this world, Strict Julie wouldn’t just be the Internet personality we know and love; she would be a minor celebrity with her own cable TV show on the Discipline Channel. You got it? Adult/adult spanking is common enough not to be considered “kinky”, but that doesn’t mean that all couples would choose to practice DD. Extrapolating from today’s spanko community, M/F would be the most common form of DD (all those Fifty Shades readers), but a sizeable minority of D/s couples would have an F/M orientation.
Thus, when the woman at the party signals publicly that her husband is going to get spanked when they get home, nobody thinks “Whoa, kinky!” But they might smile and giggle the way children used to do when someone was going to get a spanking. And if were that husband, I would be blushing, even though I was consensually submissive to my wife, as I am in r/l.
My point: spanking isn’t embarrassing because it’s kinky; it’s embarrassing in a more primal way, and I don’t think that would change (at least for me) no matter how mainstream it became.
DJ
DJ, I agree our kinks are not all cut from the same cloth. However, if we're posing "what-ifs," where we try to imagine how we'd feel if things were different, then it allows us to look more closely into the possible motivations for why we feel the way we feel. I don't actually know the answer to a what-if.
DeleteYou may have missed the point with regard to a "matriarchal world." That extrapolates to an extreme but, for all we know, that could be what we have if fundamental ideas of male and female roles and relationships wasn't what we perceived it to be. My point was that our culture changes if we'd all grown up knowing that many men are submissive and get spanked by their wives. That was absolutely not the case where I grew up or in any representation of other cultures I was aware of. An adult male under a wife's authority and spanked was way out there. I see it as a game changer for life in general.
As an adult, for me the humiliation centers on the idea that men are not expected to be submissive, and being spanked is not "manly." And because it's not *normal* punishment for any adult. And to some extent because kink, any kink, is still a very private thing to have exposed to the world-at-large. When was the last time, in a vanilla setting, we heard a male s ay he gets spanked by his wife as punishment? Or a female admitting she gets punished likewise? That's why we're all bloviating (or blogivating?) here, because it doesn't happen and we have to imagine it. :) If we take an example of an adult female being threatened with spanking as punishment, I see her in a possible state of humiliation only if that's how she actually feels. If she chooses to be spanked, if it's the relationship she wants, if she says, yeah I'm getting spanked, you have a problem with that? -- then it's not humiliating. Many of us would just think it's sexy. If she's embarrassed about it because adults are not supposed to be treated the way she's going to be treated, and she feels her private and unusual kink is being exposed, then she and I have something in common. That's what embarrassment tends to be based on.
That's what makes sense to me. The humiliation you derive from spanking may be based on different criteria. If it's based on what I base it on, then my argument is that growing up with spanking understood and accepted as a form of mainstream adult sexual expression changes it, for adults, in a fundamental way. If today it became a common, accepted practice, nothing really to do with a child's idea of it, for me personally there would likely be a lingering sense of humiliation, but only because I couldn't escape my own past.
You make good points, Brett. I agree that “what if’s” are problematic. It’s difficult to know for sure how we would feel if circumstances were different. My feeling is that even in a totally matriarchal world in which F/M domestic discipline was common, I would still feel as embarrassed to be spanked by my wife as I did to be spanked as a child. But it could be that, as you say, I am unable to “escape my own past,” even in my imagination.
DeleteI have appreciated this exchange of ideas with you because it made me see that when I talk about the “humiliation of spanking”, there are four distinct strands of humiliation. (Actually “embarrassment” may be a better word for some of them).
1. As an adult, I find it embarrassing to be punished like “a naughty little boy.”
2. As a man, I find it emasculating to be subject to my wife’s disciplinary authority, i.e. to have it clearly demonstrated that she “wears the pants” in our home.
3. As a child I found it embarrassing to spanked, especially if girls were witness to my spanking or even just knew about it. I eroticized that feeling of embarrassment very early. Being spanked in front of or by girls is my earliest and most enduring masturbation fantasy, and being spanked as an adult projects me back into that childhood fantasy.
4. I would find it humiliating to have my kink (masochism) publicly outed because it is a big part of my sex life, and sex is a private thing, and because I fear many people would consider me “a pervert.”
The first three levels of embarrassment are intertwined and extremely erotic to me. The fourth one is not erotic. The humiliation of being reviled as a pervert by unsympathetic people wouldn’t turn me on, it would hurt me, and I fear it. One of the nice things about websites like the wonderful one Julie provides here is that we can discuss these things with sympathetic fellow travellers, without worrying about the fourth kind of humiliation. It is especially nice to see that there are women like Julie who value submissive, masochistic guys like us. I love it that she is able to so thoroughly humiliate David, and to get erotic pleasure from that, and so obviously love and respect him at the same time. I think she allows David to feel “humiliated” or embarrassed in those sexy good ways, without feeling humiliated in that bad way.
A further thought: I think some of us guys fantasize about female dominant societies in which F/M domestic discipline was considered “normal” because in a world like that the fourth type of humiliation, the kind I don’t find erotic at all, would be eliminated.
DJ
DJ, it sounds like our kinks are practically identical. Humiliation is the association with spanking to punishment for a misbehaving child, emasculation, and exposure of our humiliation, especially to females, the object of our desires. Those are the embarrassments that were (are) so painful, yet sexually arousing. I'm also not turned on by having my kink exposed. As an adult, that actually detracts from the embarrassment that is exciting because it shifts the focus away from punishment and reveals the true nature of the game. In fantasy, the witnesses have no idea it's my fetish or that I want what is happening to me.
DeleteRationally, we know it's just the way we're wired sexually. There's nothing really humiliating, and Julie obviously doesn't feel David is degraded by the games they play. It's about emotions we don't control in the moment and showing vulnerability. For me the kink comes from certain specific kinds of actual humiliation, and so it has to relate to that and feel real to be erotic. As you say, one humiliation may be erotic and another not. The reason I believe the eroticism would change so much for me if the F/M scene was too common is that the kink becomes the focus. Everyone knows it's just adults playing games. I would feel humiliated because of my past associations with spanking, but I would also have to imagine that any witness would not be seeing it in a way that's erotic to me. The humiliation I feel in that case is not the kind that's exciting or attractive.
A female dominant society is another scene altogether. If we lived in a world where females were in charge, and corporal punishment for misbehaving adult males was practiced. to me it would be similar to experiences of childhood spanking. As actual punishment, and not kink, my kink would be partially realized. The missing pieces would be that spanking is not associated as strongly with juvenile discipline, and because the ideas of masculinity I grew up with no longer apply, emasculation probably isn't even a concept. A witness to such a scene would see the basic shame of punishment, which may hold at least some erotic power, I don't know. When we imagine this different society, we can't actually see it as members of that society. For example, we want to imagine the girls giggling at us or feeling scorn for our shame, but the more likely reality is that women who grew up with the knowledge that they are actually in charge of things don't feel that way about it.
Yeah, we have very similar kink profiles, Brett, as this discussion has revealed. I hope Julie doesn’t mind us going on at such length. Oh well. If she does she can take us out to the metaphorical woodshed. We wish, eh? Lol.
DeleteA couple of comments on our imaginary female dominant world. I imagine that in a society where corporal punishment was considered an appropriate and effective way for wives to discipline husbands, boys would probably be spanked too. So that juvenile aspect would not be lost. Now the thing that would be embarrassing for boys and men alike is that, although spanking would be fairly common, it would not be universal. Some wives and mothers would believe in spanking; others wouldn’t. Some women would be stricter than others. Some women would believe that boys outgrow spankings at a certain age; others would think that men never outgrow the need for a good dose of the hairbrush. And as with boys, some men would find it harder than others to behave in such a way that their wives never felt a need to spank them. Finally, some women would be scrupulously private about disciplining sons and husbands, whereas some would think nothing of embarrassing them if they were angry enough...or had a sadistic edge. Considering all these factors, there would be a potential for large doses of embarrassment in our imaginary world.
Incidentally, just because something is “normal”, that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be embarrassing to have that aspect of your life revealed to others. For example, how would you feel if someone walked in on you while you were masturbating, something that has undoubtedly happened to many a guy growing up in a house with sisters. Imagine your mortification as your sister walks in on you, gasps, then bursts out laughing. Imagine your further embarrassment when she tells her girlfriends what she saw! And yet there’s nothing kinky or unusual here. You were only doing what almost everyone does. But does that diminish the embarrassment and shame? I don’t think so.
DJ
I suppose Julie could just tell us to knock it off. Really no need for anything so draconian as the old-fashioned woodshed. Let's be realistic here. LOL.
DeleteI think you're right that embarrassment doesn't rely entirely on our sense of what is abnormal. Fortunately, masturbating in private was the norm, because it's a private thing, so to get caught was embarrassing. If we got caught many times, I suspect it would become less embarrassing as just a matter of routine.
Your description of a female dominant world definitely works for me, as far as spanking and humiliation go. As I said before, that would be like it was growing up. If it really was like that, where some women in authority used spanking to discipline adult males like some parents used it where I grew up, the scene would be set. Whether that's a realistic expectation for such a world, I don't know. In the male dominated world I knew growing up, adult women were not spanked publicly other than as entertainment in the movies. Those women were not really depicted as being humiliated, but rather as playing a role in a kind of courtship ritual that revealed the woman as feminine and sexy, and the man as strong and in charge. She may have been embarrassed, but it was temporary and not close to the depth I see inherent in femdom spanking.
I agree with you that humiliation looms larger in F/M spanking fantasies than in pop cultural representations of M/F spankings. The musical Kiss Me Kate, based on Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew, sometimes includes a spanking of Kate as part of her “taming”. Kate has to be tamed because she is a proud, strong willed, sharp tongued woman who threatens to reverse gender roles that were seen as natural. Thus, Kate is “humbled” but not “humiliated”, and ultimately she submits because deep down she wants a man to be “strong and in charge.” That, I believe, is the thematic template for pop cultural representations of M/F spanking, and I have spoken to women who say their desire to be spanked has nothing to do with humiliation. (Unlike Julie and some other women). F/M stories, on the other hand, are always humiliating. Essentially, they are about men who, being unable to tame the shrew like a “real man”, are tamed by her. Interestingly, I don’t believe in traditional, fixed gender roles, yet they play a role in my erotic fantasies.
DeleteGreat exchange!
DeleteI’m pretty sure that in a matriarchal world we would still figure out a way to maximize your embarrassment!
I’m pretty sure YOU would, Julie. Lol.
DeleteI have been reading the exchange with great interest.
DeleteAs regards attitudes to DD in society, what do you people think of depictions of F/M spanking? My girlfriend and I have a couple of pictures on the wall in the bedroom. One shows a fully-clothed woman spanking a fully-clothed man across her knee with her hand, the other one is a drawing showing a woman swatting her husband's bottom, both of them standing up. We have thought about putting one or both of them in another room where visitors will see them. What do other people think of the idea?
I would love to see those pictures, Anon. The couple being fully clothed dials down the kikiness of most spanking pictures. Are they humorous or serious? If someone did a gender reversed version of that famous 1952 Chase and Sanborn coffee ad with the husband spanking the wife, I would put it up in a heartbeat. In that case people wouldn’t know whether you put it up because you had an F/M spanking kink or because it was a witty commentary on sexism. I think it might be liberating to put up a picture that outs you in a way that isn’t too obtrusive. That may do it. I am sometimes tempted to put a copy of The Sexually Dominant Woman in one of our bookcases where people might spot it.
DeleteIncidentally, although part of me fears being outed, another part wants to be liberated from that fear. It might even be a turn-on to be outed to people who are sympathetic. That reminds me that my wife sort of outed us to another couple with whom we occasionally go on vacation. We were at the table with our friends, and my wife and I disagreed about something. I asked our friends what they thought, and they agreed with me.
I guess I smiled a little too smugly at my wife, so she said, “Don’t be annoying. Do I have to spank you?”
I think my jaw probably dropped in amazement that she had said that. Our friends hooted with laughter, and the other woman said, “Whoa, tell us about that.”
I laughed along with everyone and said “very funny,” as though it was obviously a joke. Then I steered the conversation away by saying “seriously though” and going back to the original topic.
The moment passed and no more was said about it. Our friends must have thought that either it was just a joke or it wasn’t a joke and I was too embarrassed to admit it. My wife later told me she thought it was funny.
In retrospect, I sometimes regret that I so deftly deflected from the initial embarrassment. I think it may have been liberating and exciting had my wife acted on our friends’ invitation to tell them about it.
Wonderful ideas here. It seems the embarrassment for us is always a key ingredient in these scenes we flirt with or want to imagine, and of course it's not just limited to males. With spanking, there are many possible arousing aspects besides humiliation, but if the shame and embarrassment isn't a significant part of the kink, it's a different kink.
DeleteNo matter the kind of world we live in, with this kink, wouldn't we always be looking for the next level? When I was growing up, the mere mention of the word spanking in mixed company was embarrassing to me, even if it had nothing to do with me. I think that suggests a quite specific fetish focused on spanking, and also why my punishment experiences were so powerful. The idea that we could be outed to others can be frightening and exciting, but then once people know, I assume simple awareness would no longer be embarrassing enough. As adults we would wonder what it would be like for other adults to actually witness a spanking, maybe just a few swats. Then a full spanking, but probably limited in scope and fully clothed to keep it manageable. If it happens, we suffer the humiliation, but then how about we get it bare in front of those witnesses? Once we've become accustomed to that, to get to the next level we may need it to be more sexually explicit, or possibly to show in more depth how much control our disciplinarian really has over our lives. So I think embarrassment, the power it has to sting us, and to excite us, may rely heavily on context and what we're more accustomed to and therefore more comfortable with. Someone who is completely in the closet with their spanking fantasies, or within their closed intimate relationship with a single partner, is only at the very beginning of imagining what real public exposure would be like. Even small steps seem big.
Thanks for your reply Anonymous (2 October 2018 at 13:51). The drawing that shows a woman swatting a man standing up is humorous. The photo of the woman spanking a man across her knee is serious, it looks like a scene from a domestic discipline relationship. Unfortunately I don't have the website addresses, I downloaded the pictures some time ago. Your idea with the gender-reversed coffee ad is good, although I don't know if people would necessarily see it as a commentary on sexism if they were not familiar with the original ad?
DeleteYour account of your wife nearly outing you is amusing! I think you are right that it would be a turn-on to be outed to people who are sympathetic. Maybe the next time you see the couple you could bring up the subject of spanking again somehow? Something vaguely similar happened with me, though it was more case of self-outing. I occasionally exchange e-mails with a woman I went to school with, who now lives several hundred miles away. I concluded one mail by saying that I had to sign off and get some household chores done, otherwise my girlfriend would spank me. I thought she would take it as a joke, however in her next mail she said "Did you get the housework done? Or did you deliberately leave it unfinished in the hope of getting a spanking?" It made me wonder if she is into spanking herself, she seems to be fairly dominant with her husband.
- John.
Good points, Brett. I think that erotic humiliation can be like a drug that some people need in bigger and bigger doses to get the thrill. I find that many F/M spanking stories are boring because the writer pushes humiliation scenarios to unrealistic extremes, and many guys get off on reporting such fantasies as r/l stories on the internet. Take, for example, a story in which a guy’s wife takes his pants down and spanks him at Thanksgiving Dinner right in front of their extended family, then makes him stand in the corner with his bum on display while the family finishes dinner. That would never happen, but guys push their fantasies to that extreme because the kinds of subtle embarrassments that are realistic don’t give them a big enough jolt.
DeleteAs it happens, yesterday I experienced an accidental outing that I have to share because I find it exciting.
I went to the mall to see if I could get a watch repaired. As I was walking by a Bell Mobility outlet, I decided to go in to look at phones. I didn’t actually intend to buy a new phone on the spot. I just wanted to see how much it would cost to upgrade from my crappy, old phone.
The salesperson who engaged me was in her early twenties and breathtakingly pretty. I know it is sexist to remark on her looks, but if I am honest, the way her pretty smile made me feel may be the reason I walked out of the store with a new phone.
Because my wife and I already had our cell phone account with them, she could see on the computer that my wife has an expensive, up-to-date phone. She asked me if I wanted the same phone as my wife. I told her I wanted something simpler and less expensive.
I should point out that the disparity between my wife’s phone and mine is a direct result of our D/s relationship. Every time I have suggested updating my phone in the past, she has vetoed the idea. In her mind, I don’t need a fancy phone that gives me Internet access, as long as she can text me.
[Need to break into 2 Parts. Part 2 follows]. DJ
After the young woman had walked me through the different phone and plan options, she made a recommendation that would result in a $30/month increase to our phone bill. I really wanted to go with it, but doing so without my wife’s permission could actually be a spanking offence.
DeleteI told the young woman that I should probably talk it over with my wife before deciding. She smiled politely and said “okay”, but I could see she was disappointed at failing to close the deal. I also felt a bit embarrassed about revealing to her that I needed my wife’s approval. I told myself that there was nothing unusual about consulting one’s wife about a budgetary decision, but I was actually thinking that my wife might spank me for not consulting her, and I had a feeling this woman might read my mind.
“I guess you get paid on commission, don’t you?” I asked. If I got permission to get the phone, I wanted to make sure she would get the commission. That was partly simple fairness, but partly that she was so damned pretty that I wanted to please her.
My question revived her hope because she immediately went into killer close-the-deal mode. “If you need to talk to your wife, that’s fine,” she said, “but I’m not sure how long the special price on this phone will last. You should hurry.” I knew that was a BS sales tactic, but hearing her suggest I “needed” to consult my wife embarrassed me. It also gave me a subtle erotic jolt. So I surrendered to her sales pitch and got the phone, plus accessories.
I sat across from her at a counter while she activated my phone and began to take the accessories out of their packaging. God she looked pretty! Then the phone, which was lying on the counter in front of her, buzzed. She glanced at it. Replaying it in memory, I think there was a flicker of surprise then amusement on her face. As she extracted the screen protector from its cover, she asked, “Would you like to answer your message before I install this?”
“Sure,” I said. She handed the phone to me. The message had appeared in a bubble on the screen. It was from my wife at work. It said, “Did you clean the fridge like I said? Or do I have to spank you when I get home?” She frequently sends texts like that to push my buttons.
I think I blushed. Had this young woman merely seen that there was message, or had she seen the actual message? It was certainly clear enough to be taken in at a glance. And if she did see it, what context that would give to the discussion about "consulting" my wife! I quickly texted “Yes, dear”, then handed the phone back to the young woman.
Now, I may have imagined this, but it struck me that her smile was no longer just friendly, but amused. Maybe it was even a bit of a smirk, restrained by a professional sense of discretion.
“Enjoy your phone,” she said at the end, handing me the bag.
“Thank you,” I said, still feeling sheepish.
“I hope your wife doesn’t mind,” she added with a smile.
“Me too,” I said. I may have blushed. I think she giggled as I left the store.
Post script: I haven’t yet told my wife about the phone. I was going to tell her last night, but I didn’t. I will tell her today.
DJ
Ha ha! How wonderful!
DeleteJohn, it’s too bad you don’t have the website addresses for those spanking pictures. Do you still have the downloaded pictures on your computer? If so, maybe you could email them to Julie to post?
DeleteI did a search to see if I could find them, but I couldn’t find a single F/M spanking picture that doesn’t involve some degree of nudity. I find that interesting because there are M/F spanking pictures with fully clothed couples. I think that reveals attitudes about gender roles in society. It reveals that M/F domestic discipline has a certain pop cultural cachet, so there are non-pornographic representations of it, whereas F/M spanking is invisible outside the domain of femdom porn.
DJ
How do you feel about the idea of me posting the pictures to you, Julie? They may well be copyrighted. I guess the owners do not object to people copying them for their own use as screensaver etc. but they might object to having them posted on another website. I can try looking for the original sources again, might take a few days though.
DeleteI have found a couple of pictures of F/M spanking fully clothed.
Deletehttp://www.cfshots.com/galls/men-audrey-pov/large/006.jpg
https://www.femmefatalefilms.com/preview/film/665/photo/P1060403.jpg
If you visit the websites you might find more, but you have to look hard.
Julie
ReplyDeleteI think it’s biological (in the genes) and through our life experiences that we end up enjoying certain intimate activities, of which can include activities such as punishment and humiliation. I also think that it can come from things that may have been missing when we were raised. In my own particular case I lacked structure and control when I was a young. I saw glimpses of families where those things existed but those things weren’t there for me. I turned out fine, work hard and pay my taxes. I’m not a dominant personality, but I was attracted to a woman who is more dominant that I am. So, I think its a big part of the reason I’m attracted to wearing a chastity device today and occasionally hearing a little humiliation about it. Both things are consensual and harmless really, But they can be used to put me in my place when I actually do get out of control. I’m sure I have fewer orgasms than some, but I have the structure that I missed growing up. We’re actually pretty happy and my wife is a major consideration in what we do and how we live, which is how it should be. We’re also adventurous when it comes to our intimacy, otherwise I wouldn’t be wearing this confounded chastity device to begin with ;-)
I think for me it’s a lot about Daddy. I wanted sexual attention from him (never got it! Hmph!) and also wanted to twist him around my little finger!
DeleteFor me, there is nothing so humiliating and exciting as being my husband's cuckquean. That is a woman whose husband openly has sex with another woman with the wife's sort of reluctant approval or even encouragement. In my case it is with my sister. My husband says I am pretty and still has sex with me, but he says my sister is beautiful, and she is sexier than I am. She is bi, and usually prefers women, but when she is in need of a man she uses my husband. It is so humiliating when she calls and tells me to put fresh sheets on our bed and then shows up for sex with my husband. I sit outside the closed bedroom door and listen to them sometimes for two hours. I get so humiliated but I also get so wet. I try to look through the keyhole and just try to stay quiet so I can hear them. The best part is when my sister belittles me. One time she made me bring a towel when they were done and wipe them both down. She told me that if I were one of her lesbian friends she would make me do it with my tongue but I'd probably enjoy it too much. Julie, I have never touched another woman sexually, but I would probably do that, just to add to the humiliation. She also says things like, How did you ever get a am like him? Get a man like him? They don't include me in the sex or even let me watch unfortunately. They also don't spank me or physically punish me, although that would be a great addition to my humiliation. I tell you all this because after reading your blog I think you might hate/enjoy being a cuckquean for David and sue. Maybe she could spank you before going to the bedroom with your husband and make you stand naked in the corner with your red ass showing while they have sex. And maybe she'd make you clean her afterwards. And worst of all, no cumming for you.
ReplyDeleteWow! Have never heard of cuckqueaning before! Does sound sort of exciting...
DeleteAnonymous, I find your description of "cuckqueaning" interesting because your description of your feelings is almost identical to the feelings some of us men get from being cuckolded. Jealousy and humiliation are both eroticized. When your husband tells you that your sister is sexier than you, he pushes both of those buttons. In a cuckolding situation, the equivalent is the husband being told by his wife that her lover is more manly, has a bigger cock, and has the stamina to pleasure her in ways the husband cannot. Weirdly, the feeling of unfairness at being excluded from the sex and denied gratification is also powerfully erotic. Cuckold fantasies are fairly common among men (even though most couples would never act on those fantasies). I wonder whether cuckqueaning fantasies are as common among women?
DeleteIt turns me on a bit...
DeleteJulie, this is timmie Jo, a variation of my real name. I am the cuckquean who wrote to you a few days ago. I see the idea of cuckqueaning is exciting for you, and it is. But just a word of caution. You might find yourself wanting to please the cuckcake, that's the other woman, as much as you want to please your husband.
DeleteThe last time I was cuckqueaned, about a month ago, I was just getting something out of the refrigerator for dinner when my big sister called and told me to change the sheets because she would be here in half an hour. She showed up in a stunning blue dress, low cut, short to show off her long legs, and four inch high heels.
She wanted a glass of wine -- she drinks red so I always keep a bottle or two -- and I brought it to her as she sat on the couch reading one of my magazines. She told me she needed her toenails to be painted because my husband likes to see them, especially when they are pointed to the ceiling. Of course I know that. That's why I have so many different colors in a makeup caddie in my bedroom. I showed her the choices and she picked out a blue because she said it would match her lingerie.
Then she handed me the bottle, crossed her legs, nodded to her foot and picked up the magazine. So there I was, dressed in the khakis and polo shirt I wear for work, kneeling in front of my gorgeously dressed sister, removing her pump and painting her toes. Of course she wanted two coats. As I was bending down to blow on her toes to dry them, my husband came into the house from work. . . .
I have to stop here because my boss is headed this way. Will continue later.
Timmie jo
Sorry for the interruption . . . My husband sat down on the couch next to my sister, and she told to get him a beer and refill her wine glass. I heard her tell him to enjoy the beer while her toes dried and after a little while they headed to the bedroom and closed the door. For the next 45 minutes or so I paced around the house, getting dinner ready, straightening things that didn't need straightening, until she called me to bring them another beer and the wine bottle. They were cuddled under the covers, but her big breasts with my husband's hand on them, we're showing.
DeleteShe told me to get dinner ready, and when they came to the table that I had set she was wearing one of my most revealing nighties and he was just wearing boxers. I stood in the kitchen while they ate and talked, but I could see her running her blue toes, the ones I had polished, up and down his leg. Julie, I should have been angry and jealous, and I was, but I was also getting extremely aroused and was afraid to touch myself in case it showed through my khakis.
Sorry, I have to go again, but I'll finish my oint soon.
Timmie jo
Sorry, timmie Jo again. My boss, I have to kiss her ass all day . . .
DeleteAnyway, they went back to the bedroom, leaving me to nibble at their leftovers and do the dishes and put my hand into my pants. After another 45 minutes I heard the bedroom door open and someone go into the bathroom. My sister came out, fully dressed this time, and said thanks for the toe service, maybe I'll try a different color next time. Then se left.
I went into the bedroom and saw my nightie on the floor. I took off my clothes and put the nightie on. It still had her perfume on it.
I noticed my husband was snoring on what is usually my side of the bed. When I lay down I knew why: I would be sleeping in their wet spot.
That got me even more excited/humiliated, and as I lay there, I kept thinking of two things: I got to touch her, even if it was just her feet; and she said "next time."
Nice description. Thank you!
DeleteThis sounds far fetched, but I always thought it might be in the D.N.A. I figure there are a billion or so switches (both mental and physical) in D.N.A. and some start on, some start off and some are in the middle.
ReplyDeleteI always been amazed how people all over the world who are into spanking from a young age (my first memory of fascination was at 4 years of age) have similar experiences i.e looking up the word 'spanking' in the dictionary, tingly feelings from movies or television at the mere mention of the word 'spanking' much less seeing one. Myself at eight and on, would go to the library and look through psych books looking for references to spanking (which I wouldn't recommend, as during the late 60's and early 70's you would see 'abnormal behavior'). I figure my switch was on early.
Most people have the switch turned on with environmental stimulation such as witnessing a spanking or having someone triggering it ie spouse asking to spank or be spanked. Actions and responses are similar all over the world, corner time, 'don't rub that bottom' etc.
It's just a theory and a feeling, but hey D.N.A. seems to be responsible for any and everything living. I figure it's just a procreation thing.
RFH
Yes, such an interesting kink we have. Feels like a club!
Deleteto me hontest i am still trying figure out why spankings or being spanked turn me on and why i want female to spank me. sometime i wonder why people like me are like this or adult into these things
ReplyDeletei do think would be humiliating to actually be spanked by female but that turn me on as well another thing i am trying figure out as well. i just need experience it more i guess to know why
Yes. Keep doing it until you know for sure! ;-)
DeleteYes i agree just have keep doing until i know for self i shouldnt be embrassed either
Deletei will let female who lap iam over being spanke or who paddling me help me decide and know her self
Julie, when will you submit to being on the receiving end of some diaper humiliation?! I'm guessing either Sue or Tracy would have no problem putting you back in Pampers after a sound spanking! It would certainly add another level to corner time!
ReplyDeleteI don’t know, sounds comfy!
DeleteRogering here. Very nice to see your sexy bottom again juile (both marked and unmarked)
ReplyDeleteAs regards the topic, agree with the posters who say we are hard-wired from an early age.
To this day, many many years down the road, the reading,seeing,or acting out of spanking, still provides my greatest sexual excitement. cheers.
Nice that we can have our lives enriched like this.
DeleteMy submission and need for humiliation comes directly from being molested by our parish priest. I was ten years old. Its a story to long to tell here. I blamed myself. I believe I should have done more to stop it. I am now 60 years old and have spent a good portion of my adult life paying men and women to hurt me and humiliate me, to punish me for my sin.BDSM holds no pleasure for me. My name is Samuel.
ReplyDeleteSamuel, I am so sorry to hear what happened to you as a child, and how unhappy it has made your adult life. What happened to you was a terrible crime. I hope there has, at least, been some kind of accountability for it and that you have had some sense of justice being done.
DeleteIt probably isn't any consolation, but many of us share your masochism even though we were never abused. Its source is a mystery to us, although we speculate about it. The overwhelming desire to be hurt and humiliated by our sexual partners can be a hard cross to bear. It certainly complicates intimate relationships, sometimes damaging or destroying them. That's why so many people have to pay to have their masochistic needs met.
Some of us have been lucky enough to find partners who are able to accept us for who we are and to provide us what we crave within loving relationships. But I know people for whom masochism is a terrible burden that alienates them from potential partners.
In any case, I wish you well, Samuel, and I hope you are able to find inner peace and happiness. You aren't alone.
Hi Samuel, I trust you have sought out professional counselling? If not, then please do. I hope you enjoy some pleasure from kink, or find your way to it. If you are a reader of my blog, which is pretty fun, loving, upbeat, I have hope for you! You may be just kinky all by itself, as many of us are, but have mixed in that terrible experience with it, which is preventing you from truly deriving fun pleasure from our kink. Please email if you wish to discuss more. I’d be happy to be a sympathetic pen-pal.
DeleteYour Darwinian theory is piquant. But you are never as strong as on the phenomenological level. I think as you that "Being humiliated is to accept your submission in some sense". And I agree also with the commentator that says that « learning to derive erotic pleasure from jealousy and humiliation would be an adaptive behavior. »
ReplyDeleteMaybe we can say that her erotic situation of passive object makes that the woman is more solicited than the man by the masochistic temptation.
Masochism appears when the individual chooses to be constituted in pure thing by the consciousness of others, to represent to oneself as a thing, to play to be a thing.
Frigidity is a punishment that the woman inflicts as much on herself as on her partner. The self continues to assert itself; to make of this self the thing of a male then appears as a fault. The woman is guilty only because she is an object.
Finding herself guilty of delivering her self to others, the woman punishes herself by voluntarily repeating humiliation and servitude.
Out of fury for having consented to the alienation she will wish to be humiliated, struck more and more deeply.
But I realize that I'm not very interested in« why ».
I prefer how, where, when, with whom, under what circumstances.
One thing intrigues me. In one of the pictures, you wear a pair of panties, we call it (after a short search in google images) rather « whore panties » than « slut panties ». WHY did you choose this kind of panties to wear (show) under a schoolgirl outfit?
Had to look up the big word. Very philosophical sterny!
DeleteAs to my panties, I wanted to look sexy for Tracy and John...
j.stern sounds like a typical male. He starts off all intellectual talking about pheno whatever it is, but ends up asking you about your panties!
DeleteClearly he’s a well balanced individual
DeleteLots of WHY...
DeleteYou chose these panties in your drawer to be sexy but why this one? You had to hesitate between several panties, to imagine the effect they would have on Tracy and John, what they would reveal about you? Why did you prefer this panty to others? What did you like in the colors, black and red? Why black lace? And the size, half of your bottom naked?
Did you feel like a schoolgirl putting under her skirt a pair of panties that she hopes will excite her boyfriend? Panties that evokes sex, whores, fucking, lust.
When you bought it, why did you choose it, do you remember? Did you choose it or David?
Select your « pheno whatever it is » skill and let the language do, because as a great pheno said
« Man acts as though he were the shaper and master of language, while in fact language remains the master of man. » (and of the woman too...;))
(Perhaps you will find a bit unbecoming to see so many questions about your ... panties, but isn't it the function of the fetish to represent the person you love?
I was once in a laundromat. My love had left me a few weeks before and I had decided to wash the clothes she had left at home. I put everything in the machine, a huge machine for 10 kgs of laundry, and I launched it. At the end of the wash, after spinning, I saw the clothes flying and slowly unfolded behind the glass. What was most moving was to see unfolding all HER panties that all reminded me not only a moment with her, but her, herself)
Panties flying...
DeleteThanks for the lovely, poignant paragraph about watching your love's panties in the washing machine, j.stern. You give lyrical expression to your evident panty fetish, a fetish that many of us submissive men probably share to some extent.
DeleteMy wife has dozens of sexy panties of various colours and styles. Who knows what goes on in her mind when she settles on one particular pair of panties out of a drawer full? Is she guided by an aesthetic judgment that shifts with her moods, or is she calculating the panty's effect on me?
You are right that panties can represent the woman we love. What submissive man has not taken the panties his love has carelessly discarded for him to pick up, lifted then to his nose, closed his eyes, and inhaled the intoxicating fragrance of her?
My wife's panties have also come to symbolize her dominant status because they are both an enticement and a barrier to me. One day when my admiration of the new panties she modeled for me led to a tumble on the bed, I hooked my fingers under the waistband of the panties to drag them down. She grabbed my hand to stop me and asked sharply, "Did I give you permission to take my panties down?"
"I'm sorry," I said. "I just thought..."
"I know what you thought," she scolded teasingly. "But it's presumptuous to think you can just pull my panties down without my permission."
So I apologized and asked her very politely if I might have the honour of taking her panties down.
"You may," she replied with a giggle.
Ever since it has become a strictly enforced rule that, however heated up things get, I must make a formal request to take her panties down. That is a wonderful symbol of her dominant status because she requires no such permission to take my underpants down. Mind you, her intentions are often disciplinary when she does that.
DJ
Only proper that a subby male must ask...
DeleteHello miss Julie,
ReplyDeletedifficult to say how the human brain works, especially when it comes to domination, humiliation and sex drive.
From a male point of view, and I can only tell you what I've heard or have experienced personally, is the following:
To be dominated is really to let go and to let the other party, in this case my wife, drive the wheel. It's a play that both participants need to play in honesty, giving themselves open in the most intimate matter. I mean, there's no coming back from telling your loved one that you like to be spanked by her, over her knee. There's no coming back from telling her that you want to be tight down by her. There's no coming back from telling her you are into BDSM.
The partner, in my case my wife, had to appreciate her role too. She is the one in charge, calls all the shots and has to figure out what's driving her man, when he's in 'slave mode'?
She has to commit wearing sexy stuff, whipping, flogging, playing roles.
Both participants cannot fall out of this role, because it would be humiliating for both, knowing this 'dark secret' from the other.
A male is the one who's normally 'on top'. The gender sign (the erect arrow) indicates 'potential'. He 's the potent one, he's the one that brings the food on the table, he's the one that mounts his partner and he's the one that drives the sex-game.
When he fails in this in his 'potential', whatever it may be, he fails as a man.
In his mindset, he well become a loser. He did not deliver.
Now, a powerful lady, or his wife (as a dominatrix), can take this 'potential' away from him in a safe place and put him in a 'slave mode', without the risk of being humiliated forever.
Just my 2 cents here.
Best wishes,
Marco (from Lindsay).
Seems righ, and consistent with my thoughts. Humiliating men is a bit fun, regardless.
DeleteDifficult to understand how Julie with such an ass has slender legs.
ReplyDeleteHey!
DeleteYour legs don't look as slender as in the pic in the other post Julie.
ReplyDeleteSure thing your feet are a bit large for your body, so nice spanking slipper for naughty bottoms.
Or kissing, licking, smelling and massaging them after that 50k bike ride 😎
DeleteI find it humiliating to have my body parts discussed like this amongst you all. Carry on!
DeleteWhat about the front : she still has a good pair of tits !
DeleteTee hee
DeleteSince we’re playing Let’s Objectify Julie, let me say that Julie has a very sexy...mind.
DeleteNot to mention her astounding bare brain.
DeleteI don’t know... I think I prefer being objectified for my body!!!
DeleteThe spanking that comes to mind with me is when my wife was soundly spanking me in the bedroom, a voice spoke out during the spanking, "I let myself in dear, hear you are busy", it was her mother. "Done in a few Mother". When it was over, I was told to pull up my underpants and was taken to the kitchen. My mother-in-law smiled as we walked in, I was told to face the wall. The punishment was not over, my wife pulled my underpants down to my knees to show her mother my very red bottom. "Very nice dear", my wife said "Oh I'm not done with my naughty little boy, bedtime is going to be early and another spanking. A spanking that I have a hard time forgetting. I think my wife enjoyed it, especially when her mother or anyone for that matter heard the spanking and saw the results. She told me later the next time I would not be wearing underpants when taken from the bedroom. Jack
ReplyDeleteHow deliciously humiliating for you! Especially the bare bottomed corner time in front of your mother in law. Since then, has your wife carried through with her “no underwear” threat? If so, were you limp or erect? Which would be worse??
DeleteShe has, a month or so later, I really messed up. I was thinking how lucky I was no one was over, but shortly afterwards her mother showed up, always at the wrong time. I'm always limp after a spanking, I sometimes get erect facing the wall. My wife when erect I'm taken to the bathroom, told to sit on the toilet and masturbate for her, she is in no mood to clean up afterwards. I must clean myself, then and only then will I be spanked and it hurts like hell.
DeleteBack to my mother-in-law, I have learn my wife calls her mother after a spanking, mother-daughter thing. What I recall the most and wish it never to happen again, after my face wall time, my wife decided to go out for dinner. I was squirming so much, hoping not to be seen, and my mother-in-law on this occasion was with us, she told the waitress he okay, he just got a spanking. The waitress just smiled and then said to me have you been a naughty little boy, I said Yes Mam and could not wait for the evening to end. Jack
I’m glad you’re being so thoroughly humiliated.
DeleteA famous spanking implement is the Canadian prison strap, do you have one Julie?
ReplyDeleteOr even during your visits to prodoms, did any of them try it on David's ass?
No! Need to try it. We are Canadian..,
DeleteI'm Canadian too. I'd like to get one of those regulation school straps teachers in Ontario used to have when I was a kid.
DeleteHere's bit of Canadian spanking trivia. Hand strapping was a common disciplinary measure in Ontario schools until the early 70's. I witnessed a few school strappings as a kid, and got the strap once myself. Actual spanking (hand or implement applied to bum) was rare but not unheard of. I witnessed the spankings of 3 classmates throughout my school years. Needless to say, they had a huge impact on me. In the late 90's I met a young woman who had just finished her teacher training. She had applied to teach in a private Christian school in Alberta, and she was shocked to be asked in the job interview whether she had any problem with spanking as school discipline. I believe that corporal punishment is still theoretically legal in Canadian schools, but public school boards have all banned it.
The legislation mandating use of the dreaded Canadian Prison Strap in penitentiaries was only repealed in 1975. I don't think I would want to get anywhere near one of those things.
DJ
I grew up too late to see any school spankings. Shucks!
DeleteYeah, you would have liked it, Julie. But I’m sure there was always a girl like you in the class, one who was turned on by it. I could see the pleasure and the amusement in their eyes. Later those girls would haunt my imagination, where I would be the one whose spanking gave them such evident pleasure.
DeleteIs there a way a lady knows that a certain man will submit to her spanking him without much previous close interaction between them?
ReplyDeleteI am 35 years old, a neighbor of mine who us around 55 years but looks much younger, I once helped her in carrying some items, she invited me for a cup of tea and kept chatting for a while, then as I was leaving, she said I want to thank you my way and spanked me around 7-8 times rapidly with her hand, when I tried to stop her, she held my hand and continued spanking me for around 20 or so whacks.
I left without a word, how did she know I will not shout or push her away violently.
An interesting incident. Does anyone else spank you? If so, could your neighbor have found out about it somehow?
DeleteNo one else spanks me, and there is no way she knows about my internet activities.
DeleteThis is really confusing me.
Do you spank your self? She may have heard something.
Delete"I say Holmes, have you read about this case of the man whose neighbor spanked him, although there was no apparent way she could have known that he was into spanking?"
Delete"Yes Watson," he replied. "I have been following the details in the blog known as 'strictjuliespanks'."
"It seems inexplicable," I said. "As the gentleman concerned remarked, how could his neighbor know that he would not react angrily and push her away?"
"You know my methods Watson. When one has eliminated the impossible, what remains must contain the truth. It is possible that the man visited spanking sites on the Internet using an unsecured WLAN router and that his neighbor noticed this. Or perhaps she had access to his computer and saw spanking sites in the browser history. Perhaps he made a printout of material pertaining to spanking and inadvertently left it in his house, where she later saw it. There are many possibilities. However, it is certainly an interesting case.
John Watson.
Or maybe she just enjoys spanking men and did it as a test. Though it is unusual! Men do it to women also, a playful slap on the ass to test her reaction (once in a relationship or after a good mutual flirt!)
DeleteWow! That's pretty amazing, Anon. What she did could actually be classified as a sexual assault. In fact, if your genders were reversed, it would definitely be seen as sexual assault.
ReplyDeleteAs to the reason she suspected you were the type of guy who would take a spanking as a "reward", it's hard to say. I know gay guys who claim to have "gaydar", the ability to see which other guys in a crowd are gay. If your neighbor has a history of spanking submissive men, I suppose it is possible she has a kind of "subdar", the ability to gauge a guy's submissiveness based on his body language, his mannerisms, and his voice when they interact with her.
I'm also thinking of something a female cousin once told me: that women know from the way men look at them whether they are sexually interested, even if the man is trying to be very proper.
So here's my theory. You said the woman is 55 (twenty years older than you), but that she "looks much younger." Your comment on her youthful appearance tells me that you find her attractive. I'm guessing that if you are a closet spanko/submissive, as you imply, you are actually kind of turned on by her age. And if you are kind of shy, as many of us male submissives are, I think it likely that you may have unconsciously communicated your submissiveness to her in your mannerisms. You didn't mention whether you have ever actually fantasized about being spanked by your neighbor. If so, you may have had an embarrassed, furtive look when she looked you in the eyes. You may even have unknowingly blushed to be face to face over tea with a woman about whom you had embarrassing "naughty boy" fantasies. If so, she may have been able to read you like an open book.
The big question is what do you do now? You say that nobody spanks you and nobody knows about your internet activities. Does that mean you are single? And how do you FEEL about being spanked by your neighbor? Did you feel violated or turned on? Or both? Bottom line, would you welcome more spankings? If I were you, I would make a beeline to my neighbor's door to let her know that if there is ever anything you can do for her--carry her groceries again, rake her leaves, clean her garage, whatever--she should not hesitate to ask. Clearly, she is a very self-confident and dominant woman, as demonstrated by the extremely forward manner in which she "rewarded" you. Offering to be of service to her now would signal to her that she read you correctly and would willing to "play" if she is interested. That's my opinion.
A further thought: she already knows she read you correctly. You could have stopped the spanking if you really wanted to. You could have pulled away and said, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" But you allowed her to overrule your ineffectual effort to stop her after the first few spanks and stood there as she pulled your hand away from your bum, like a mother spanking a naughty boy, and landed another twenty spanks. She KNOWS she read you correctly.
I agree! Or also you can go to her, look at your feet, stammer, thank her for thenspankimg, amd ask her for another...
DeleteThat might be a bit too open. I think it would be better to do what the previous commenter suggested and ask her if she needs help with anything. Make sure to wear tight fitting jeans (or shorts if it is warm enough) and bend over as often as you can.
Deleterichard
I look at her feet often, I love feet and she has very nice feet and takes good care of her feet and hands, always soft with nice nail polish
DeleteI believe a truly dominant women knows whether she can spank a male or not although what was narrated above must be unusual. Submissive males and especially those who can be or have been spanked give off all sorts of clues. What happened here -a series of smacks over his trousers- is of course a sure way to know but something I would not try until a relationship was a little further on. But just casually working spanking into the conversation and getting a quick blush is another sign as is extreme politeness and an obedient demeanor. Also just a submissive males general reaction to an in control attractive women tells volumes. A dominant woman actually has the numbers on her side since so many males secretly fantasize spanking. If you are dominant,they are not hard to spot. Btw, she is ready to "play" and that young man should follow up soon. No women is likely to be so aggressive so early unless she is both very sure and very ready
DeleteBetty
I offered help again, and she asked me to help with bringing down some items she stores in a high locker.
DeleteLike you say Betty, what happened here was something most women would not try until a relationship was a little further on. My girlfriend often gives me a few firm smacks on my bottom, both in private and in public. However she did not get into the habit of doing it until well into the relationship, when she knew that I was into spanking. Maybe the original commenter can tell us some more details?
Deleterichard
Jack, I go with the knowledge that women know more than they let on. They play with the man, enjoy it. Example, my first adult spanking was from a woman in her late 50's. Lived above her in an apartment complex. Well I enjoyed coming in late, loud music, and she would complain, I kept it up. A few times she would mention a spanking with a smile on her face. Well once Saturday morning, a knock on the door, I answered, just in my underpants, she walked in, said nothing at first. Thought I was just talking about a spanking did you. I looked at her and said could be fun, and soon I was across her lap, underpants quickly pulled down and it turned out not to be fun. She soundly spanked me. Thinking it was over told to get dress and get to her place quickly. I did as told, asked how I felt, I admitted it felt good in a way and then said deep down wanted to be spanked. She said she knew that from the first. It what was that came next, she told me it was not the first spanking, that when needed I would do as told. I looked at her, my bottom sore and said i agreed. Well let see if you mean it, drop the pants, underpants, the spanking is not over and I slowly did. Over her lap and what I did not expect was a large hairbrush. Talk about dancing around, rubbing. I faced the wall, and when I was told I could leave the wall, walked up to her, hugged her and thank her, she was rubbing my bare spanked bottom and we hugged for a long time.
DeleteI am the original commented, it happened just like that, after reading all the above comments, the only thing I can add is that I look at ladies feet whenever I have the chance, her feet are nice and always well taken care of.
DeleteI also sometimes spank my self using ladies slippers (I have a few ladies slippers that were left by old girl friends, other people would have trashed them but of course I kept them).
These slippers are kept in a plastic bag inside my wardrobe, this neighbor never entered my house before.
I never tried spanking with any lady before, max. Fetish was some footsie from girlfriends, and one of them used to give me footjob.
i would find a way to ask her for a list of chores. It would be an invitation for her to experiment with your limits. If she is "ready to play" you could be in for a ride!
DeleteA previous commenter said he opened the door to his neighbor dressed just in his underpants. Maybe you try that. Invite her to your place and when you are expecting her, make sure you are wearing just your underpants. My girlfriend says my bottom always looks tempting in a pair of tight fitting briefs.
Deleterichard.
Things are going fast as you most commenters said, I went to help as she asked in getting some items from high wardrobe.
DeleteShe told me it was dusty up there, and I better take my trousers and shirt off so they don't get soiled.
I hesitated, so she told me I am old enough to be your mother and told me better even keep only my boxers.
I did as told, brought down the items, a weird piece of wood around 4 feet tall and 2 inches diameter pierced at its ends with a rope passing through both ends, a rubber hose, a plastic water pipe, a gym training bench with holders for weights.
Then she sat on a straight back chair and said come I want to thank you properly this time, I went to her, she told me don't play shy, you know what you want, assume the position you like, she removed her house dress to reveal her thighs, I went over her knee and the spanking started, then she removed my boxers and continued on the bare
i love how this relationship is developing! Please do keep us filled in about her progress with you!
DeleteYesterday after church, she asked me to help in bringing other items she stored in a heavy box under a bed.
DeleteI went, she told me it is dusty also and advised me to strip to boxers only.
I did and went under the bed to pull the box out, once I pulled it out, she told me to open it.
It was a treasure for someone like me, it was full of old shoes and slippers.
She told me these belonged to her, her mother mother and many relatives of her late husband.
And explained that her husband who died a few years ago liked to be rewarded the same way I like but he got it with a slipper.
He was hiding this box that she discovered a few years after their marriage and he told her that in addition to his spanking fetish, he likes feet as well and that his favourite is slipper spanking combining his 2 fetishes.
He added he used to keep women slippers that he can reach (either trashed by his relatives or even he used to steal used shoes, slippers and sandals from his aunties and neighbors).
So over the years, she added her own footwear and her mother's as well who sometimes joined her in spanking her husband and used to visit him on daily basis when she was travelling for a 6 months job to make sure he us well spanked and doesn't look outside when his wife is away.
She sat one the bed as told me to come get my reward, I went over her knees and she lowered my boxers and spanked me.
After we finished she asked if there is any other kind of reward I want because I did bigger chore today, I kept quiet, she told me, OK keep staring at my feet as long as you like, and started dangling her slipper.
I enjoyed for a couple of minutes, then she told me off you go, she asked me to clean and polish the leather shoes and sandals in the box.
They were 11 pairs, others were rubber and plastic.
I took them home to clean and Polish and bring them back to her next Saturday or once I a finish them.
I am cleaning and polishing the leather shoes, some have toe prints on the inner sole, I am enjoying them a lot.
DeleteI tried spanking myself with them, they all sting.
There is a wooden clog with nice leather upper that hurts a lot.
I totally agree. “Subdar” is a thing. Even “DommeDar”. I’ve experienced it with many women I’ve sought out in the past. Telling signs of the ability to play either the sub role or the Domme role. Usually the quiet librarian types. Get them into leather boots with a crop and they absolutely own the show !
ReplyDeleteWhy ask Why just do some Spankings just get spanked more and give out spankings more rest will solve it self.what i feel
ReplyDeletewe may never be able answer our own question about these thing why were into being punish have our butt spanked when be naughty adult
Yup
DeleteMiss Julie - I’m late in commenting, but this is yet another fabulous blog post. Starting at the top of the post, I agree with the humiliating nature of corner time. It’s probably why it turns me on so much. And I get ‘wet’ as well, particularly after a spanking and nearly always stream some precum. Of course, I’m made to lap up all of it.
ReplyDeleteSuch a great discussion tho about other aspects of our kink that provide that same butterflies in the tummy adrenaline rush. One of mine is being caught being spanked. I remember the first time. I was totally naked, lying across a leather stool on the receiving end of my wife’s cane, when there was a knock at our hotel door. My wife answered the door- it was the maid - had a pleasant conversation and promptly returned to whipping my bottom. I was positioned facing away from the door so, to this day, I don’t know if the maid had a view of my red, bare bottom. And my wife’s not saying (hee hee). My heart was pounding so hard I thought those two could hear it!
Meanwhile, further down in this post you once again bring up Daddy as your turn on. As a switch, I can easily conjure up a session in which you are my wayward, college-aged daughter who just can’t seem to understand you are going to school to go to class and learn something. Not hang out with your friends at the local coffee shop, planning your next party. An OTK spanking begins the process of getting you on a different path, followed by a fully naked session with the belt, while lying in your bed, hips pushed up by pillows. Oh, and then your mother and older sister come home from their shopping trip and the door to your bedroom is wide open . . .
Thanks for this great post! TL
Something very sexy about getting a belt whipping while fully nude and bent over, ass high, from Daddy. Then when I’m cherry red, crying, and kicking, for Mom and Sis to see me in that state as Daddy “finishes up”. OMG!
DeleteThank you for the image!
😄😄. And thank you for such a thought provoking post! TL
DeleteAn interesting post, TL. I also find the idea of being caught being spanked exciting. My girlfriend has smacked me in front of other people several times, but always just a few smacks on my fully clothed bottom while standing or bending over. If the maid realized that your wife was disciplining you on your bare bottom with a cane, it must have been really embarrassing - but exciting too!
ReplyDeleterichard
I’m sure the maid saw!
DeleteMakes me horny just remembering it!
DeleteMy wife has found and only makes it do it when I've truly gone to far, masturbate prior to the spanking. Always naked, kneeling, mostly in the front room, towel on the floor, she holding the hairbrush. Once and only once was I seen by another it was her closet friend and knew I was spanked. I was thankful I had cum, but not yet spanked. She saw me standing, very limp penis, scolded by my wife. The friend just smiled, took and seat, and watched me getting spanked, the naughty little boy coming out and she the friend mentioned that. I stood afterwards facing the wall, no rubbing. The friend I could handle, but masturbating prior to the spanking, my wife enjoying the show, and made sure I saw the hairbrush and what was coming next. Jack
ReplyDeleteNext time she gets to watch the required masturbation as well?
DeleteHave you ever done that prior to the spanking? The look on my wife face I knew she was enjoying and knew it was a great punishment. As for her friend, they share everything, no secrets, would not be surprised, but I wonder about myself, masturbating in front of someone other than my wife. Jack
DeleteYes, very naughty...
DeleteMy last comment on this is after showing this to my wife she reminded me to also tell you this. All spankings I have an erection, male thing. When spanked and not addressing this, my wife tells me when she knows that I'm limp and then states that the spanking will now begin. She is so right. She could care less about having an "accident" that is easy to clean and forgotten. She knows my spanking is not soon forgotten. She enjoys my dance afterwards, rubbing, and always mentions my limp penis just hanging there. Must be a female thing about a limp penis.
DeleteWould you like to keep one of Your followers in diapers 24/7, Miss Julie?
ReplyDeleteIf you would like to be in diapers 24/7, I would certainly not object!
DeleteNot to diss on the diaper fantasy but I’d rather drink your golden nectar Julie
DeleteI’ve heard women tell me that they have orgasmed while relieving themselves in a slaves mouth
In my mind it has to be totally empowering
Respectfully yours
S
When your husband asked to be spanked, was there a reason? Was it something you said?, or was it something he wanted to try? In my case my wife has that “Motherly”, “I’m the one in charge” look. That first spanking, that look on her face, the tone of her voice, meant I was in trouble, found myself feeling like a naughty little boy, in for a sound spanking, which I was wanting from a woman. Boy it did hurt, but deep down I wanted it and I married her because of this. So do you get that response, you have that quality that men look for when wanting to be spanked? Jack
ReplyDelete