Corporal Punishment for Children

By now it is the conventional wisdom that children ought not to be spanked, and in fact many jurisdictions have laws prohibiting it, or effectively prohibiting it. For the most part I agree with those laws, but there is a nuance there that I think is worth discussing.

In looking for kinky stuff for adults, it often happens that one accidentally chances across an anti-child-spanking piece. I recently bumped into the following entitled "Corporal Punishment".

The two Latina women had both experienced corporal punishment as children and teenagers. Their big theme is that the corporal punishment they experienced involved parental anger and rage, complete loss of control, feelings of being unsafe, frustrations, aggression, and violence. They also often did not understand why they were being hit. They both struggle to understand and forgive their parents.

I also experienced and witnessed corporal punishment as a young child. I recounted my experiences in my blog post Childhood Spankings.

My earliest spanking was given calmly by my Dad for not blowing my nose when told to (over and over again). As a kid I did not understand the connection between my misbehavior and the spanking I received, and I was a bit traumatized by the experience. It's obvious now, in retrospect, and for all I know, it was explained to me clearly, but I was too young to understand.

For my Christmas Spanking, when I did not have a nap when told to and insisted on gabbing even after being put to bed, and was repeatedly warned, including by my sister (we shared a room at the time). The third time Daddy had to come into the room he gave me a little spanking across his knee and over the seat of my panties in front of Sue. He was not angry, and he was not abusive. I cried afterwards, but I did not feel traumatized by that one. I thought it unfair that I was being forced to nap, but I did understand that I had misbehaved, been given plenty of warnings, and earned that little spanking. Sue even warned me I would get a spanking if I didn't shut up, and I ignored her. I was definitely testing boundaries. I was around 8-years-old.

My final childhood spanking was when my Mom spanked me when I wouldn't eat my peas around age 10. I had to miss dessert and was told I had to sit there until I ate them after everyone else had left to go play. I was very stubborn and my Mom lost her patience with me and held a spoonful to my mouth and ordered me to eat them. I got angry and slapped the spoon away and the peas went flying all over, including into Mom's face. Mom can have a bit of a temper, and she showed it then. She took me right across her lap and gave me a bare bottom spanking on the spot. Again, I did not understand why I had to eat peas (I ate other veggies, I just hated peas, and still do). But I knew the moment I slapped the spoon away that I had gone too far. It was no longer a "peaceful protest" at that point. I had crossed a line. I had earned that spanking and I knew it. And I felt Mom's anger was 100% justified. I tried very hard not to cross Mom again for years after that! But it was that spanking from Mom that made her stop all spankings. I guess she felt herself losing control and didn't think it was right. I thought then (and now) that she was justified.

Around that same time I witnessed a boy cousin being belt-whipped over his Dad's one raised knee while in his pajamas. He had been specifically annoying me. Sue told on him, and his Dad was enraged and gave him the belt. It was hard and it certainly looked abusive. The Dad was enraged and scary. My cousin was beside himself and cried for, like, an hour afterwards. In the earliest inklings of femdom, though, I was happy to see him get it like that, and happy that he had been reduced to a crying little baby for bugging me. Sue and I even teased him about it, cruel as we were. In retrospect, he was lucky his Dad let him keep his pajamas up. I wonder if my cousin turned into a spanko in later life? We hardly ever see them now. 

So, I would say a mix of abusive and non-abusive.

And this is the reason why I generally support the anti-spanking laws for children. Even my folks sometimes got it a bit wrong. And there are a lot of damaged and unhinged parents out there, and the only practical way to protect children from some pretty traumatizing and major psychological abuse is likely to ban it almost outright.

The Canadian criminal code states

Every schoolteacher, parent or person standing in the place of a parent is justified in using force by way of correction toward a pupil or child, as the case may be, who is under his care, if the force does not exceed what is reasonable under the circumstances.

However, in a 2004 court case that challenged the constitutionality of the above, the court upheld it but severly narrowed it.

• Parents/caregivers can only use corrective force (or physical punishment) that is minor or "transitory and trifling" in nature. For example, spanking or slapping a child hard enough that it leaves a mark or bruise would not be considered "transitory and trifling" and would not be reasonable.
• Teachers cannot use force for physical punishment under any circumstances. Teachers may be permitted to use reasonable force toward a child in appropriate circumstances, such as to remove a child from a classroom.
• Physical punishment cannot be used on children younger than two-years-old or older than twelve-years-old.
• Physical punishment cannot be used on a child in anger or in retaliation for something a child did.
• Objects, such as belts or rulers, must never be used on a child.
• Any use of force on a child cannot be degrading.
• The seriousness of the child’s misbehaviour is not relevant to deciding whether the force used was reasonable. The force used must be minor, no matter what the child did.

So that pretty much kills it, but it should be noted that my Christmas Spanking (though delivered well before this court case was decided) would likely satisfy all the rules (but is it "degrading" to be spanked over your panties in front of your older sister? Is a red bum considered "a mark".)

Certainly, the limitations are like a recipe book for adult kinky spanking.

As I said before, I do agree for the most part with the Canadian law as it stands now, but I regret that there is a bit of "throwing the baby out with the bathwater" with the court's interpretation of the wording.

What if the spanking is well-earned, and that the child fully understands that the spanking is a consequence of their misbehavior (but not necessarily agreed upon, of course)? And what if the spanking is very proportionate to the misbehavior, is in no way brutal or resulting in sustained injury? And what if the parent is calm when delivering the spanking, and that the child understands that the discipline is delivered with love and for their own good?

If this sort of spanking were accepted by the community, and if the child was subject to this from a young age right up until they leave the nest, then should not this be considered "reasonable". And is exactly that not what the framers of the law had in mind, and not how the activist judiciary interpreted it?

Here is an alternative interpretation of "reasonable":

• A child may only be struck for disciplinary purposes on the most fleshy parts of its buttocks and thighs. This is defined as a Spanking.
  
• A Spanking may not be delivered in externally observable anger.
  
• The child must be old enough and capable of understanding what they did was wrong and that the Spanking is a consequence of that.
• There is no age limitation for Spanking a child, subject to the above.
• Spanking may be carried out by the parent or legal guardian of the child, or such others that the parent or legal guardian has delegated this authority to.
  
• It must be known in advance by the child that a consequence of the misbehavior in question will be a Spanking. Otherwise, only a warning may be given. If the misbehavior is immediately repeated after the clear warning, the Spanking may then be given.
  
• It must be clearly explained to the child before its Spanking what they did wrong, that they had been previously warned that the misbehavior would result in a Spanking, and that the Spanking is a consequence of that.
  
• The severity of the Spanking must be proportionate to the severity of the misbehavior.
• Light marking and light bruising of the buttocks is considered reasonable for more serious misbehavior, however heavy bruising or bleeding would always be considered unreasonable as a result of a Spanking.
  
• The child may have its bottom bared for a Spanking and for any prior or post Spanking timeout situation, which is also considered reasonable.
• While the open hand is recognized as sufficient in delivering a Spanking for most purposes, in cases of physical limitations, or when the severity of a misbehavior warrants it, implements of various types and descriptions may be used for Spanking subject to the above considerations. Such implements may include, but are not limited to a hairbrush, paddle, wooden spoon, kitchen spatula, belt, strap, switch, cane, footwear, martinet.
  
• After the application of any form of Spanking discipline has been concluded, the child must be held and hugged, and told they are forgiven and much loved.
  

I know, it's very hard to enforce this, and you give some crazy parents an inch and they'll take a mile. Perhaps licensing parents to spank? They must attend a course where all of this is clearly laid out, and must be tested on it afterwards before obtaining their license. [And, of course, there should be a practicum where the course participants give one another somewhat more severe bare-bottomed sample spankings before receiving their licenses. 😉]

At any rate, I consider the above, embedded in a societal matrix where all the above is considered acceptable, to itself be reasonable. Anybody violating the above, such as beating in anger, or striking non-spanking areas of the child, will receive the full force of the law and societal approbation.

I think all of the studies that say "spanking" is bad do not distinguish what I would call a reasonable spanking from the abusive crap that the speakers in the above video talk about, which we can all agree to decry.

I don't know, is this just the spanko in me talking? Probably. I can't honestly tell anymore. Don't let spankos draw up these laws? Big caveat that I am not a Mom, but I was a kid, and think I could have benefited from a continuation of spanking into my teens under the above regime. Do others of you share my view that the current Canadian definition is overly constrained? And if so, where would you draw the line as far as children are concerned? And if you say "no spanking at all!!!" I get it and I appreciate that point-of-view as well.