Saturday, August 17

Begging for it to stop

In my last post I mentioned how I have trained my husband to beg for his spankings to stop. I thought I would elaborate on that practice in this post.

I have read some accounts and seen some video where the woman insists on the subby being completely still and not make any sound at all as he is being beaten. I guess I can understand that. Self control and all that. But it has never excited me seeing a man beaten like that. What excites me the most is his reaction to being beaten.

Now, is that reaction genuine or feigned? I feel there is a blurred line here. On one end is clear acting. Pretending to be in pain when he is not at all. On the other end is being still and quiet despite great pain. Both extremes are "acting" in my opinion. In the blurry center are various degrees of "letting himself go".

Guys often have trouble showing emotion and vulnerability. Crying and carrying on is a stereotypical "female" thing to do. Being stoic is a stereotypical "male" thing. I believe the stereotypes are more true than not in the emotional realm, but in the physical realm not at all. My how baby complains when he gets just a little sick!

So crying, kicking, begging, and promising to be good while being spanked are associated more with women and children in popular culture than with being a big manly man. That is one reason I like to see my man doing those things while across my knee. I despise the manly man thing. It is arrogant and a violence against women, so the more men are made to act like "women and children" the better if you ask me. I would love to see them all skirted and pantied in the streets, on big tall heels with pantyhose! Fuck them and that fucking he-man attitude.

Yes, I am sure david could take a very hard beating and be absolutely silent and still if his life depended on it. I personally don't want that.

If my spanking does not hurt at all, I want no pretending. If the spanking hurts a little I want a little mewling and ouching. If the spanking hurts like hell I want screaming and begging. And everything in between. I want him to reflect by his actions the pain he is feeling.

A nuance is that for many a subby pain is pleasurable. If I hit him hard I do not want a sigh of pleasure, even if that is what might come naturally to him. I want him to pretend as if he was being punished for real and act, key word here is "act", convincingly and proportionately according to the intensity I dole out. That is what I insist on from him.

I draw the line at him squirming so much that he is unmanageable across my knee, does not stay in position, moves around so much that he throws off my aim, or tries to block me in any way. He mustn't do any of those things. He must control himself to that extent.

Within those boundaries, though, I want and expect vocalization, squirming, kicking of heels, and ideally genuine tears. And I want it proportional to the intensity. There is a certain honesty in that.


This is one area where my subby hubby has some control. If he wants it harder, he need only act out a little less and his wish will be granted according to my mood. I usually enter into a scening discipline session aiming for a certain reaction. So he can make it harder by holding back a little, or lighter by accelerating a little.

If he accelerates his reactions too much, I will know it and I will consider it topping from the bottom. Likewise if he holds back too much. If he does that I stop and he doesn't get any scening for a while. If he apologizes and promises not to again, he might get some boring line writing to drive the point home before I will engage in any more kinky play.

I also want him begging me for the punishment to stop. A little gentle begging for the less intense spanking, a lot of frantic begging and pleading for a more intense beating. It drives home the point that my decision on stopping is mine alone, and no amount of begging or pleading from him will sway me in the least except in one special sense. He knows that the countdown to stopping is the start of his begging. If he is not begging it gets harder and harder until he is. Once he starts the begging it will be up to me how long I keep him at it.

While he still wants, needs and craves the spanking, he must not beg for it to stop. Once he has been "sated" in that regard, and has had his "discipline fix" so to speak, then he knows to start the begging process. At this point it is now me who is getting my "dommy fix", and I take as much as I want before I decide I have been fully satisfied, which means he might be begging for quite a while!

The rules don't change when another woman is watching. He may not act stoic, and he must beg for it to stop. How embarrassing it is for him to kick, cry, and carry on in front of another woman while across his wife's knee. And then how much more embarrassing for him to have to beg me for it to stop?

All of this kicking, crying and begging is good for him. It helps him to release stress and connect with his emotions.


It is also good for me. I genuinely enjoy being dominant, and his reactions make me laugh inside and give me a little thrill.


64 comments:

  1. L. occasionally begs me for mercy - i.e. for a lighter treatment - but never to stop, as he knows only too well that I am the who decides when he has had "enough". In fact, as the session goes on, he often begins to thank me (in a sobbing voice) for treating him as he knows he deserves.

    J.

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    1. That sounds like an excellent method also!

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    2. J. failed to mention that, once the "session" is over, I am expected to kneel at her feet and to kiss her hand and/or the last instrument she was using. "Corner time" (of variable length) often follows - during which, with a bare (and burning) derrière and sniffing up my tears, I can meditate on the appropriateness (and effectiveness) of her ways to enforce household discipline...

      L.

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    3. Much as I feel the need to apply (and gladly deliver) any strict punishment that L. may require, I also - often! - feel sorry for him, even as he stands whimpering, with his nose to the wall.

      Yet, at the same time, should one of my (girl)friends show up and discover the scene, I feel no compunction at having her witness that telling scene - as I rather enjoy letting them know the way I keep my hubby in line...

      J(2)

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    4. I enjoy that very much also. Having another woman know makes me feel very much more dommy!

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    5. I agree - but, then (leaving my sister aside), there are degrees in the way these "other women" know what I am up to! Here, in the US, five of my friends have watched L. being chastised (or, else, standing in the corner after a whipping), and two of them have actually given me a hand - whereas an undetermined number of women (except for that old lady in Calabria) merely heard (and, presumably, figured out) that L. was being paddled or flogged in an adjacent hotel room. Aside from some knowing smiles, I have no way of finding out whether they were titillated -or shocked!- by what they overheard.

      J(2)

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    6. Being spanked, whipped, strapped or caned under the eyes (or within earshot) of other women is something that I have - somewhat reluctantly! - gotten used to, but the thought of it (i.e. of their reactions, and of the way they may spread the tale) is something with which I still have to come to terms... I know that you knew of, and watched me being whipped by N. (and later proceeded to deal the same way), but what is the purpose of having other women watching (or "giving you a hand"!) as you chastise me?

      L.

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    7. I am on a "mission" to spread the good word - and aren't you the main beneficiary of the convincing way N. "converted" me by her example(s)?...

      J(2)

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  2. VS here.

    Excellent post. Comments are on sub's behavior and his mental/emotional state, as well as your (domme's) mental/emotional state.

    Implied here is the underlying concern for sub's physical well-being, that a high enough level of complaining (or physical cues) indicate his limit has been reached.

    Let's face it: he wants some level of discomfort, and you want some level of pleasure.
    Win-win in a perverse sense.

    Viktor Strelnikov

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    1. I like the feedback for sure. That way if I want to take him far, I know that I am doing that.

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  3. Dear Ms. Julie,
    Thank you for explaining your crying/begging rules so clearly. Like you, my wife does not require me to be silent, instead enjoying my honest exclamations of pain. (I'm very glad of that preference, I would have a really hard time keeping quiet.) In contrast to you, she does not permit me to beg for an end or an easing of the intensity--for us, that would represent me questioning her judgement or fairness and draw extra punishment. I've come very close twice to pleading but have managed to hold to the rule. My paddlings and canings usually fall somewhere in between the "scene" experience you describe with david, and the true disciplinary measures of Ms. Dianne and Bob. I must say, I feel some envy of david's being spanked in front of others, but that does not interest my wife at all so I accept it would not be to my benefit nor the relationship's.
    Thanks as always for the look at your life,
    WhMs

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    1. I always say he can ask for it to stop if he wants, but it's me who decides!

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  4. Stopping is her decisions, I kick my feet, I squirm, I cry, I'm not ashamed to admit it. When one bare bottom is being spanked, and spanked as well as my wife spanks it, I will cry, I will promise the world. She is in charge, if she feels good afterwards, so be it. I stand facing the wall, my red sore bare bottom on display, and I know I deserve the spanking she gave. In the time period men show emotions, see it everyday. One time after a spanking we went out to eat, I was squirming in my seat, a gentleman walked by leaving and made the comment I know the feeling, and this told me I was not the only husband who had been put over his wife lap for a spanking, Act like a child my wife states, be treated as such.

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    1. I love reading a comment like yours. It reminds me how you men who are spanked really are just little boys punished by "Mommy". Ha Ha!

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  5. Yes Ms Julie, like you, my strict wife also has rules about blocking / squirming / begging. I am required to stay in position with my hands holding the seat of a wooden chair during my paddling and any attempt to block the paddling would never be tolerated. Some limited squirming is permissible provided it does not interfere with my wife's aiming of the tawse or crop. Discipline spankings never cease until some minutes after my legs begin trembling. I am permitted to beg for my daily maintenance spankings to stop; although the length of begging required is entirely my wife's decision. Whenever I am given a severe discipline spanking my wife buckles a ball gag firmly in place ensuring that all attempts at begging produce only muted gasps of pain. And yes my wife's rules do not change when another woman is watching; although as a token of modesty I am permitted to wear either a satin thong or leather jockstrap depending on whether I am to be given a butt-cheek paddling or a butt hole caning with the riding crop.

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    1. Please do describe how a "butt hole caning with the riding crop" works. What position are you and she in. Does it hurt a lot? Enquiring minds need to know!

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    2. When I am to receive a corrective punishment in the form of a butt hole spanking I am to stand with my feet apart (an ankle spreader bar is used to keep my feet apart) and my knees bent. I must then lean forward and hold the edges of a wooden seat, and raise my butt up. Sometimes, when the caning is to commence I am ordered to use my hands to pull my butt cheeks apart for my butt hole to be fully exposed to the crop. Mistress stands behind me and side-on so that she can swing the crop vertically into my butt crack ensuring that my butt hole and the back of my balls receive a sound caning. A butt hole caning is the most painful belting that I have ever received and is administered harshly and swiftly with no gentle build up as it is always used for corrective discipline (not play).

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    3. I'm sure it's no less than you deserve. I am glad to hear the backs of your balls do not escape their just thrashing, you bad boy.

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  6. My wife stops the spanking only if she sees genuine tears or if my ass bleeds.

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    1. In that case, I suggest you get real good at crying real fast!

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  7. Thank you for sharing your method and reasoning for it! Gaining insight into a Dominant female mind is soooo exciting and intriguing!

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    1. My pleasure. I love that begging!

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  8. I can take a pretty hard whipping or paddling but it gets tougher when I don't get a chance to breathe between strokes.

    I try not to kick or squirm - complaining or whining usually leads to having her panties firmly stuffed in my mouth.

    Occasionally an errant blow will wrap around and get me on the hip bone which takes a bit of the fun out of the whole thing.

    Best,

    Rosco

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    1. Yes, david always says it's a different kind of pain when it wraps around. It takes him out of being subby real fast. But hard smacks to his fleshy bits keep him in subby space.

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  9. Hey Ms. Julie,

    First off let me say I've enjoyed your previous post but I've decided it would be best not to leave any comments on the more fantasy scene blogs.
    But this one I can relate to and so I wanted to give my opinion for what it's worth.
    As you know Dianne only gives me real discipline for bad behavior so going into it I know I'm going to be very sorry for my actions. And most of the time I try to be stoic going into the spanking but that usually doesn't last to long and I'm soon kicking and begging like a child rather than being a brave grown man. And if Amy's present that makes me try harder to not look so childish because its embarrassing to me to have her see me like that. But again I can only hold out so long before I forget about the embarrassment factor and all I can think about is the pain in my backside.
    And like you Dianne does allow some squirming as long as I don't try and cover up or turn away. She tells me she knows she's being effective if I squirm and beg. She tells me that she feels the true punishment begins once I start begging and pleading sincerely. I've tried to fake it a couple of times to get the spanking over with sooner but she's good at reading my actions and faking it only got me extra punishment. So now I just try and be brave as long as I can until I just can't help kicking and begging like a child and realize its only going to end when she feels she's made her point and not when I wish it will end.
    And I admit if she says I'm getting the strap or cane then I'm a little child begging her to use something else before she even starts.
    Yes I asked for this and I admit its done me a world of good. But I also must admit what I once dreamed about and thought would be exciting I've found out its not. It hurts like crazy and its embarrassing to be reduced to a childlike behavior. But I do learn from it and admit I feel better after its over knowing I've paid the price for upsetting her. I really think most men could benefit from this and learn to be more respectful and not try and be so macho.

    bob s.

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    1. Liar, liar, pants on fire, bobby! I know you get off on being beaten by your wife. Don't try too hide it from me.

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    2. Playing it safe, Bob. Smart move...you're learnin' ol' boy!!!

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    3. I've read his wife's blog. A lot of it. She stopped posting two years ago.

      She beats the hell out of him without mercy or concern. She loves it, but not sexually. He gets zero enjoyment--before or after--from it. The fact that you goaded her on really ended up hurting this guy. So, be proud of that.

      He may have asked to be disciplined (although he probably would have just enjoyed role playing), and that doesn't mean he needs to get the living hell beat out of him for every possible thing. He is punished with extreme severity for the most minor of infractions. From everything I've seen, he's a super nice guy who had a spanking fetish, and now lives with an oppressive, merciless wife.

      You've said your husband "craves" the spankings. As far as I can tell, Bob does not. He may crave the fantasy, but she won't give that to him.

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    4. Oh shush you. I have been corresponding privately with both bob and his wife. Trust me, there's more kink going on there than is expressed in their blog. A big part of bob's kink is being punished "for real", and so his blog reflects that.

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    5. I hope you're right. Although, why don't they come out and say it? The impression that's created is awful.

      I only have access to the publicly available information. She adamantly and repeatedly denied that he wants the spankings or enjoys the spankings and talks about how severe they are for the slightest of things (like teasing some college girls about their football team), not to mention involving her sister and mother. She's also made clear there is never a safeword and that she enjoys hearing him cry and plead for mercy.

      If kink is what is really going on there, and with the extent of her writings, it is puzzling why she would not really reveal that.

      She characterizes Bob as someone with a lifelong interest in spanking and indicates that she does not want to indulge the "fantasy." So, she often says "be careful what you ask for", meaning if you enjoy spanking, be prepared to accept harsh, no holds barred spanking until you are bawling out of control.

      You undoubtedly know that she duplicated one of the scenes you did with your husband simply because Bob commented on your blog without clearing it with her.

      But, I guess I don't know what I'm talking about.

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    6. I do the same on my blog where I write about scenes as if they were "real". It's easier to write and more fun for all. They are all just scenes, though.

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    7. Well, kudos to her for concealing it so well. I usually can tell one from the other.

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    8. "I do the same on my blog where I write about scenes as if they were "real". It's easier to write and more fun for all. They are all just scenes, though."

      I have now had a private e-mail from Dianne. Your description is not at all what she did or does with him. It's very real. It was not and is not for fun. It's no "scene," and there's no safeword. In her words, she beats him until he's a "blubbering mess." On her blog she said "I actually enjoy his pleading and crying out."

      Please be careful about who you give your advice about beating men to. You don't know whether they are taking any safety precautions or whether it is really consensual.

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    9. And yet, they consensually pursue this lifestyle. Don't be naive.

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    10. OK, Julie. I thought it was worth a shot. You seem like someone who would feel bad if someone really got hurt (physically or psychologically) or had their limits violated.

      Maybe if someone writes, consider adding a couple of words about making sure it's consensual and using safewords to learn about limits. Just a thought.

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    11. It's a really good point, but I don't want to be a nag about it. Maybe I'll put a perma-page up top right to make my views clear and link a red "disclaimer" to it!

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    12. No need to publish this. I'm not trying to make a big public thing about it.

      Your disclaimer is probably smart, but I was thinking more if someone reaches out to you by e-mail or something. You just can't assume that they are sophisticated and have the same mindset ("scenes" and "playing") you do about all of this. There are people who are doing this for real.

      I just saw what happened with this Bob and Dianne situation when I read her e-mail to your and yours back (and hers to me), and you didn't seem to be on the same page. It seemed like you viewed it through the lens of how David views your play, and that's not what these two were (or are) doing.

      If I didn't think you cared about the impact of your advice, I wouldn't bother saying anything. However, I get the sense that you do.

      Not everyone is that smart, conscientious, or well-intentioned.

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  10. Great words of wisdom. I do tend to tense up and ow a bit when my wife whacks me good. But what I want is some scolding and some 'if you stand up in the middle of a spanking, you will get 10 more spanks on top of what you already have' type dialogue. Any suggestions?

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    1. Sometimes i play the game where I make him count down his strokes and say a complex phrase, such as "5 ma'am, thank you ma'am, I've been a naughty boy and I deserve my spanking. 4 ma'am, thank you ma'am, I've been..."

      When I smack hard he sometimes gets confused on the count. Often enough that if he doesn't get confused I do, and then I think he's confused, and when I'm punishing I'm always right, and then he doesn;t know if maybe he did make an error.

      If he gets the count wrong, I start all over again from the beginning!

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  11. Some female i have heard take to locking the spankee legs over there legs so spankee cant kick their legs during the spankings
    have you done this with david so his legs dont get in the way as he begging or kickng his legs while being punish and get spanked

    to me i think i would beg for spankings to end and cry out to let the female spanker know the spanking really hurt and i learn my lesson and iam not lying when i say i wont make the mistake again but i know be up to her to decide if i am telling truth i wouldnt want her to stop when i start begging and kicking legs unless we agree before hand if iam kicking and crying butt not red enough then i dont want her to stop spanking me even if iam begging

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    1. I do that a lot. Sometimes he needs a little help staying in place.

      And yes, mike, when my man is across my knee and begging me to stop, it doesn't stop, not until I am happy with the state of his sorry little rear end.

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  12. Hi Julie,
    Love your post! I also requiring begging or uncontrollable tears before I stopp beating diaper sissy. It's easy getting into the "Mommy" role when I verbally chastise the big baby before his spanking. Imagine a grown man standing in front of his taller wife wearing nothing but diapers that are so wet they sag down! With his paci in his mouth it makes for a humiliating sight in front of my girl friends. His beatings are so severe he will often pee himself while he is being beaten!

    Goddess Gretchen

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    1. Well that must be very humiliating for him, to be beaten in front of your friends until his pee flows. Ha Ha!

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  13. "I would love to see them all skirted and pantied in the streets, on big tall heels with pantyhose!" Is this your prescription for all men or just the very masculine ones? I have thought there really should be a cross dressing day about the sophomore year in high school. It wouldn't be that much, but might give some males some idea about what being female is like. Like the idea that females think about physical security every day. Nearly all guys never do. Bill

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    1. All men, definitely. And I think we need "reverse sexual harassment day" once a year. Girls are free to feel up the boys in their little skirts!

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  14. Wonderful post, ma'am, have been away and missed you but to come back to this post, just awesome. I love it and love the spankings over your knee. Well done.
    Always
    Ron

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    1. Thank you, ron, glad you are back.

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  15. Hi Julie,
    I am not sure how to classify myself, as I love the spankings only as part of sex and do not take any humulations.
    My wife knows that if she gives me a spanking before sex, she is sure to cum herself as my performance gets at least 50% better.
    She once tried spanking mr in a domination atmosphere but I did not like it & stopped her.
    Although in our bedroom I find difficulty sleeping unless she gives me a hard spanking with the hairbrush or her wooden scholls.
    she once tried spanking me to push me to do house chores but I totally refused to allow her, she slapped my face so I got very angry put her over my knee & spanked her with her own scholls until she cried genuine tears.
    Ever since there is a mutual agreement that my spankings take place only in the bedroom in playful context though could be very severe to extent of making my bottom black & blue and me sobbing & crying.

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    1. I do not at all approve of you beating your wife, no matter the provocation!!!

      If a hard beating is what you want and need during sex, and your wife is willing to dole it out, then the harder the better!

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    2. It was the only way to get her to believe that her spanking me does not mean she can dominate me.

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    3. He was responding to a NON-CONSENSUAL strike to the face. His response was justified. Good for you Anonymous.

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    4. Striking anybody without their consent is both wrong and illegal, period.

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    5. She struck first without consent, giving him the legal right of self defense. However, I do agree that he took it farther than he should have. Once he stopped her from being able to strike him again, he should've stood down.

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  16. I has a girl friend who worked as an engineer, she used to say if a bottom is to be spanked, then the whole bottom must be spanked.
    To do that, used to draw lines dividind my bottom into sectors using a marker pen that are a bit smaller thnn the hairbrush back, then she gives rounds of 10 smacks on each section. If she says I will spank your bottom 50 times, this means 5 rounds of spankings i.e. 450 strokes as she divides my bottom to 9 sections for her hairbrush to cover it all (it could be more if she uses the smaller yet heavier hairbrush).
    Every spanking is usually followed by a hand spanking on my already sore bottom, she like the feeling that a moderate stroke of her hand make me squirm and a hard one makes me almost jump.
    Then she make me lay on my stomach on the floor under her feet as she tells me it is for my own good & she does it because she loves me while rubbing my sore bottom with her feet

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    1. Very methodical and scientific! I am impressed!

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    2. This sectioning remains for some time as i told she makes the sections a bit smaller than the hairbrush back, meaning that the spotalong the edge get spanked twice, so it is more bruised tban the part in the middle of each section.

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  17. Yes, us starting to whine and beg like a little girl does break down our masculinity. Makes is easier for You later! :)
    Sara

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    1. Yes, somehow it makes bending over and taking that big dildo in the ass just a bit easier...

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  18. My wife spanks me with a her spankIng glove.
    A glove to which small flat metal buttons are added.

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  19. "On the other end is being still and quiet despite great pain. Both extremes are "acting" in my opinion."

    I've done that when I start to dissociate and try to make my mind go somewhere other than my body. It's not acting. It's a pain coping mechanism.

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    1. I can see that. It's why I generally don't like taking it that far. I want to see some struggle left in him!

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  20. My only point was that he's not necessarily "acting." I'm not sure how many people can be that still and quiet in great pain without something else going on. The pro I last saw seemed to check for that kind of quiet and stillness more than anything. If I growled, hollered, or screamed, she just went on her merry way.

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    1. I see what you mean. I would also be concerned if he went quiet. And on he other side I can always tell when the hollering is "over the top" (i.e. made up) or just a genuine expression of what he is feeling, which is what I encourage.

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