Today I thought I'd share the story of a young man and his successful search for a female spanking partner and wife. Here he is. Poor boy seems to have gotten what he asked for. Ha ha!
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| If this is not one of the finest photos on the Internet of a man put into his place by his strict wife, I don't know what is! Just from the state of his tushy I can hear the begging and crying while the brush was descending. |
I find it absolutely hilarious and soul-lifting that a young man strives and strives and strives to find a partner and then through many trials and tribulations (described below) brings her over, and his reward is that every Sunday morning he's expected to do all the housework wearing only a pair of her lacy panties below the waist with a spanked red tushy!
It reminds me of this clipped article I once saw:
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| "If you get busy with these... ...I'll get busy with this." |
I'll call him Anthony (not his real name). Anthony first contacted me 2 years ago when he was 22. He told me that he had been reading my blog for 8 years or so. This means he was 13 years old???? I scolded him for not obeying the Age Verification. I asked Anthony's permission to share, and he responded this way.
How could I say no to StrictJulieSpanks? If you feel it’s worthy to post go ahead. [...] [Just] let the readers know that this is a real couple in their early twenties. When I was younger and insecure about my kinks it always gave me hope to find my own someone when I read stories of young couples who have spankings in their relationship.
Anthony was concerned that being a submissive spanking fetishist interfered with his romantic relationships. He was having some troubles with his then girlfriend. This is what he wrote:
My name is Anthony and I've been checking in on your blog off and on for around 7-9 years now (which I love by the way). I’m only 22 so needless to say I’ve always had a fascination with spankings. Due to being exposed to internet spanking content early I have spanking needs that make it difficult to find in a girlfriend that’s suitable to administer them strictly. I currently have a girlfriend who I've been dating for 3 years. We are great in all other areas but we’ve been having trouble sexually lately because we both have different expectations. I am a positive and determined person but my spanking fetish always made me feel alone even amongst company when I was a teenager because I knew it wasn’t what many consider "normal". I’ve embraced it as I've gotten older though and am proud I no longer feel insecure about it. Lately the tension between my girlfriend and I has given me a tiny glimpse of that misunderstood alone feeling again. I’m finally reaching out to you because many of your personal qualities I've always looked for in a woman when dating and I'm hoping for some maternal guidance through conversation. I'm a big fan of yours and lately I don't feel there’s anybody around me who can understand the feeling of yearning for spanking discipline. I’d love to open up more and learn from you and David as well. I hope to hear from you.
Isn't that just adorable? Join the club, young man. And hey, did I get blamed there for Anthony's kink? Forget my blog, many of the older spankos will say that having access to a dictionary was sufficient to develop a spanking fetish!
I'm just kidding, sweetheart Anthony, I know what you meant. It gave me a little thrill being turned to for "maternal guidance". Us spankos know what that usually entails.
Here was my advice back to him. I put it here in case others could benefit as well.
Hi Anthony!My goodness, I'm doing the math, and you must have been around 13-15 years old when you first started reading my blog!!! Did you just flat out ignore the "sensitive content warning???" :-) It feels like you've grown up with me.Open and honest communications is the only way to go when it comes to relationships. Realize that you are mostly dealing with your girlfriend's insecurities. I once knew a girl in school who was very mean to me. My Mom told me that she acted that way because she was insecure. I guess I was ready for that, because just knowing that totally changed the way I thought about everything she did and said from then on, and I worked on building her up, not knocking her down. We became great friends. Since then, I've noticed that insecurity is at the heart of most conflict, and if you want to get along trouble free you drop your own ego, you drop your own wants and needs, you realize the insecurities your partner has, and then you change the way you behave to build her up. What goes around comes around. Don't ever accuse her of being insecure, of course. Just figure out what makes her insecure, and build her up. Here's a silly example. The first guy who ever went down on me, I was very self-conscious of how I smelled and tasted to him, and was not enjoying it as a result. I think he knew that, because he looked up at me with a wet face and said my scent was intoxicating and I tasted delicious. It's just what I needed to hear right then!Give her what she needs from you for now. When the relationship is more solid, you can discuss your kinks and she will be more receptive. And then realize that if you play, it won't be at all what you want exactly. Not at first. But just be encouraging of her attempts and lie about it! When things are moving in a positive direction, tell her how great something was, and then say, "you know what would make it even better? If you were to ..."If you have not already, then when the time is right, be sure to send her to my "Advice for Wives" page. It's for girlfriends also! It may open her eyes to how important your kink is to you.Does any of this seem sensible to you?Julie
He responded.
Yes I did skip that content warning haha. I think I actually was 13 when I found your lovely blog. So in many ways I really did grow up with your blog. It’s so crazy that I am emailing you because I’ve literally quietly been a fan since I started learning about sexuality. I feel more emboldened to be open about my desires now after keeping them bottled up for so long. I know from relationship like yours that I can find what I need in a relationship it just takes patience.
Your explanation is helpful for me. I’ve only followed that train of thought half way and it’s where I’ve been getting myself stuck with my girlfriend. I am aware of how the problems stem from her insecurities and have stupidly made the mistake of saying that. Now to be fair she is a really good sport and has tried many things I’ve asked.
[...some personal stuff about them breaking up for a bit and getting back together...]
Thankfully that experience changed our relationship for the better and I had much less freedom with her and we were more open. I moved in with her a few months later. I had gotten little spankings but nothing real. When COVID hit and we were home a lot that’s when I began getting real butt beatings and it helped. The problem was I was instigating so that I would get a spanking. I had never gotten one without trying until Sunday this week. It was a moment I won’t forget. She was perfect and I had an overwhelming emotional feeling that I was over my Wife’s lap, it was a beautiful feeling. I think this experience is part of what led to me reaching out to you. We have also tried pegging twice but she doesn’t like how submissive I get. She does like chastity though and does her best to control when I orgasm.
We both love each other a lot and are willing to always work on our relationship. [...] She gets uncomfortable with a bunch of sexual things because she says they’re unnatural to her. [...] I have a high sex drive so it can be demoralizing to be shot down every time I try to make her feel good. [...] We both have worried that we aren’t sexually compatible.
Ah, young love and misunderstandings. If only kids knew how common it was. I wrote back.
Well you screwed up royally, Anthony! Glad you got it back on track to the extent you did.
What you describe as "not sexually compatible" I'd describe as perfectly normal. At the ages you are at, your sexual drives will be unequal. When you get into your 40's, she'll be the one wanting it all the time and you'll be the one dragging your feet (I speak from experience!).
You're also learning that women need to be seduced in a way guys do not. Women come at lust by way of feelings of being loved and cared for and closeness. I think it's the other way around for guys.
You have to be careful because she clearly has a picture in her mind of a good mate being a strong, confident man, capable of taking charge, and able to dominate her in the bedroom (when she's in the mood). You need to be that for her, which I am sure you can totally be. So don't let your fetish take over your life. Play out distinct scenes, and keep those separate from your real life and your real relationship. Don't let your fetish dribble into every part of your life with her. When it's time for my husband to kick it into gear like a man, he does that with no hesitation at all. I feel safe and protected. I accept his submissive tendencies, and have a lot of fun with them, without me worrying if I married a wimp.
Anthony wrote back.
Well I definitely need to hear this from you. It resonates much more that way. I understand what you’re saying in regards to knowing when to kick into gear with much needed masculinity and as you mention I am very capable of doing that. I am an overly masculine man in some ways and it seems that the more intense I am in life then the more my submissive nature comes out in the bedroom. I do need to stop letting it dribble into my daily life with her, again I needed to hear that from you because when she says it to me it doesn't quite resonate the same. In many ways I look up to your relationship with your husband. I’ve dreamt of having something of my own very similar. Being an early teenager when being exposed to so many fantasies, from a variety of sources, I’ve had lots of time to build up unrealistic expectations that I now need to correct. She loves me and it shows so I have hope for us to be able to figure out "playtime" that suits us.
What I’m a bit unsure of is how to implement times for "distinct scenes" and get her on board. Since I’ve been way too pushy with my needs I can see her assuming this is just another one of my quick fixes to try to get more and more of what I want without considering her. Which sadly I have done in the past and am doing my best to reconcile.
I just read the entirety of your blog post for wives and girlfriends. I think you express your viewpoints in an approachable way. I am considering showing it to her but the timing would have to be just right. Earlier today she did ask what could make us feel more connected (since we both haven’t been recently). Somehow I can bring back that conversation and lead her to giving this whole post a chance to consider.
Now this part of your email really stuck out to me. "I accept his submissive tendencies, and have a lot of fun with them, without me worrying if I married a wimp." I don’t feel my submissive tendencies are often accepted which causes me to feel uneasy around her. It leads to bottled up feelings of not being able to sexually express myself and experience genuine connection with her. I want to have fun with my kinks and her kinks too but whenever she isn’t in a sexual mood and I show my submissive side in any way she gives me a vibe I’m not fond of (now this is probably because I show it so often since I feel bottled up). I’m no wimp either but sometimes when we are alone and I just want to be coddled by her and get that feeling of being her "good boy" then she almost questions my masculinity and even my sexuality. I’m not homosexual nor am I interested or have a problem with that but it's not my thing. She sometimes seems to interpret my submissiveness in enjoying pegging, spanking or even butt tickles over her lap as a red flag for possible unstable sexuality. Does that make sense? Also other times she will tickle my bare butt over her lap while watching tv or something so she does make an effort. Part of the problem I’m sure is my timing.
Also how do you decide when "playtime" will be?
I answered.
In terms of communicating with her, you just need to be really frank and open. Sit her down and talk. Tell her you have something important that you need to discuss. Acknowledge your mistakes and missteps along the way, of maybe confusing the issue and letting your interest in female domination creep into your lives in too many ways. Acknowledge that it clearly makes her uncomfortable and apologize for pushing it without her buy in. Thank her for what she has done, and say how happy you are with it in so many ways, and that she's already gone above and beyond where most women would.
Tell her you want to be a strong man that she can always rely upon. Tell her that you want to give her whatever she needs emotionally. And, if she wants a more dominant guy in the bedroom, she's got it. But then tell her that you have a fetish, and it won't go away, and that, from time to time you and she need to make time to engage in your fetish. Let's call it playtime. During playtime is when you both can indulge it. But you want to keep that separate from real life.
Then suggest she read my little Advice for Wives blog post. Tell her some of it is "over the top" even for you (good strategy, whether or not it is - people grow into things). But that a lot of it really resonated with you, and that you think she'll be able to understand you better if she reads it. Hopefully she'll agree to it. Thank her for that, and say that you want to talk again after she's read it and had a chance to absorb it. And then that's it for the first conversation. Don't push it. You are taking a first step and nudging her in a certain direction.
As for playtime, just be very explicit about it. Make a date with her, Tuesday at 8pm or whatever, and lay out a little scene that she can carry out.
Some people are really uncomfortable with anything involving acting. So be sensitive to that. At any rate, a first playtime can consist of just her giving you a hand and hairbrush spanking. There doesn't need to be a reason. Tell her you will use the yellow and red safewords, like I suggest in my blog post, and that you might be begging her to please stop but she should ignore that. Her goal is to keep you just under your yellow threshold. So she needs to find it by going harder and harder until you say yellow. If you have a high pain threshold, say yellow sooner than you otherwise would the first few times, and 'train her' to work up to harder spankings while keeping in her comfort zone. DO NOT criticize ANYTHING about it. Focus on what was really good and tell her so. We are building up, remember, and being only positive, never negative.
If she's ok with a bit of acting, next time during playtime have her act out the role of a strict girlfriend punishing you for not doing a chore when you said you would. Hopefully it's an easy role for you both to slip into, and it trains her to think that way, and maybe over time spontaneously "scening you" over something a bit real.
And your commitment to her is to be more sensitive to her needs, and be whoever she wants you to be outside of playtime. You promise not to dribble playtime into real life, but let her know that she is perfectly welcome to do so whenever she gets the urge to spontaneously "scene you".
Just some ideas for you. I don't know your situation of course, so take that into consideration. Let me know how things progress!
About a month later Anthony wrote back.
Hey Julie,
I took your advice to heart. I stopped letting my fetish dribble into every aspect of life and now I can proudly tell you I’m a spanked fiancé (about to be husband tomorrow).
About 7 days after the last email you sent me I found a big and thick wooden bath brush that looked like a perfect equalizer for my girlfriend so I bought it "for showering". About 2 days later we were getting along well and while in the bathroom I popped a innocent "can I ask for a little favor". I asked if she could give me one spank with the bath brush just so I could know how it feels. She said yes with a smile! I was about to shower so she removed my towel while I stood bent with my hands on my knees and she gave the spank. In that position my butt cheek was a bit loose so the spank landed perfect. She didn’t stop, though, and gave me a full blown spanking for the fun of it. I was almost in tears but the dog came in and was a bit shocked to hear me "owing" and making "begging" noises so we stopped. Poor doggy walked in on mommy spanking daddy lol.
Wasn't that sweet? I know exactly her feeling. Spanking is fun! Making your big strong man jump around and yelp is fun! But the relationship needs to be strong, and she needs to know you will be there for her as a man when needed.
He went on to describe a more punitive spanking soon after.
About 2 weeks later I had been digging myself a bit of a hole for a few days. On thanksgiving morning my girlfriend decided it was enough out of me. She called me out of the kitchen and when I got past the wall I saw her through our bedroom doorframe standing with the brush in one hand, her other hand on her hip and a stern look on her face. She’s so beautiful she takes my breath away.
I sheepishly entered the room with my head and eyes down. I begged a bit but it was no use. I was bent against the bed with my clothes pulled down but still standing so my butt was not flexed or stretched out. Julie this was the best/worst spanking I’ve ever received.
She started with her right hand and spanked powerfully hard. At one point she rested her left hand on the back my neck while she spanked me. During this spanking she lectured me about everything she expects from me especially because we are getting married. I was informed that I will be a spanked hubby. I felt like a child. I listened to every word with reverence. I took it all to heart and did what she said after.
By this point she switched to the left arm. I was beginning to really beg and my "ows" were starting to resemble crying. As she spanked unmercifully I turned my head to the left so that we made eye contact. I was so in the moment I didn’t even care that my facial expression was a sorry vulnerable pouty face. I was about to burst into tears. This was the moment I always wanted and hoped for with whomever would end up being "the one" for me. As we maintained eye contact she kept spanking me. Her eyes were stern but also deeply loving. Like her eyes were saying to me "you need this and I love you enough to do it". Looking deep into her eyes removed all my inward walls and I vulnerably started crying.
She was visibly satisfied in a caring way. She encouraged me to cry more. The spanking continued a bit longer and I never felt any embarrassment just intimacy with the love of my life. When she stopped spanking she pulled me close and held me as I cried it out. As she guided my tearful face against her clothed chest she instructed me to be on my best behavior at thanksgiving dinner. What a lovely memory to be thankful for.
Very nice! Relationship established. He sent me a photo of the aftermath of this spanking.
Amongst anything else, Anthony has a very cute 22-year-old man butt. What a bootie! Anthony adds,
This bottom section is just some praise I’d like to say about you and your husband. I am so thankful for your husband and his willingness to let you post the things that he has. If it wasn’t for his cooperation your blog couldn’t be as awesome as it is. He let me know as a teenager that I’m not the only guy out there who has these kinks. That it’s okay to have them and that you can go out into the world and be a successful man and still come home to your wife’s loving discipline. I thank him for that. I thank you for your investment into his kink that has paid off in your relationship and for sharing all about that. You’re both awesome.
Awww! So sweet.
Anthony sent me a note after reading my last post, Spanked for Masturbating - part 2, where I described our "caught masturbating" game. He recounted a game he and his wife play.
I just read your blog post on masturbating tonight. It sounds like a fun and costly game you two play! I let out a laugh when he said you grazed him with your teeth on purpose and after your own question on if you purposely did it you put a tiny "yes". I saw my own naughty kinky self in that statement. There’s been a bit of time since your last kinky post so I’ve been checking your blog for a new post everyday when I’m laying down and in the mood to “do the deed”. There is a deep part of me that envy’s your position as a woman. Being able to be an elegant woman who is spanked, fucked and put into submission like that is a fantasy I had from the beginning of recognizing my own sexual triggers. It’s such a curious question as to what it’s really like to be the opposite sex. I sometimes fantasize about being able to switch bodies with my wife for a day and being able to experience the female perspective on life and sex.
I think that is a very common fantasy. I want them same, to be a powerful man for a day and to put my husband into a powerless, hyper-sexualized female body. I collaborated on a short story with that theme, Sexcationing. I can certainly see the appeal from the man's point of view. My hubby is like that too.
Anyways, since you posted about this agreement with your husband I wanted to share a fun little agreement my wife and I have made. As a relationship we continue to make progress in all areas and she’s begun to allow me to request "pretend time" when I yearn for it. It’s basically our role play but it’s a big deal to me because it’s opening up a bunch of scenario options. Our most recent and best yet happened a few days ago.
For a while now I’ve been doing house chores while wearing a pair of her panties. It makes me feel cute like a girl while performing domestic duties. So imagine a young 220lbs muscular man in tiny little white laced panties doing chores such as vacuuming and dusting. That was me on Sunday morning. Throughout my chores she would feel up my ass cheeks. Anyways made me in need of submissive attention so I subtly let my wife know I need some "pretend time".
She asked "Okay honey, what did you do?"
I said "Well I really upset my wife. She is so frustrated with my behavior. She is fed up and going to give me what's coming. She said I need to wait in the corner while she gets ready to take all her wrath on my bare tushy" (I hate that word tushy because it embarrasses me and sounds so childish but that’s exactly why it’s such a turn on).
Different words are triggers for different people. "Tushy" is not one of mine, but I respect that it is one of Anthony's, and would happily use it in correspondence with him.
My wife caught the gist and came up with a whole scenario of how I am the stay at home husband whose wife is the authority of the house. Even the kids know I'm spanked. In fact they are going to hear the spanking and lecture I’m about to get!
Well the kid part isn't exactly what she said but that’s a kinky fantasy that would've caused me to precum and get extra punishment. She did come up with a good wife and husband scenario though. In those vulnerable laced panties I got a good long spanking draped over one of her thighs on the bed. I begged for her to stop. I was vocal just as I imagine a wimpy husband dependent on his strict wife’s income would be. She gave me a real stinger style spanking and I felt the rawness for days. Even days after every time I knelt or sat down my bottom ached. The pictures don’t do it credit but I get a naughty thrill from showing them so oh well.
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| He says "just imagine it", but no need... |
Very nice!
Anthony is now looking for ways to get a spanking from his wife in front of other women.
Will that be Anthony in the near future? Imagine how embarrassed he will be when another woman finds out about his kink and sees him being spanked across his wife's knee on his bare tushy. And from the above it sounds like his wife can spank! I don't imagine he'll be let off her knee until he is bawling like a little baby. Will it then be right into his lacy panties for a good round of housework while the women laugh? Oh I hope so!
