Friday, September 8

Am I Sick in the Head?

My own submissive fantasies sometimes scare me.


Am I ill?

A pen pal and I were exchanging emails. He was a sweet and polite man with submissive tendencies. He also indicated he may be a bit of a switch. He asked me if he could write a fantasy about his first meeting with me. Then he said that if I was interested I could write a reply on how I thought our first meeting would go. He wrote it, and it was a sweet fantasy where he got his bum smacked, his cock milked, and then fucked in the ass. Another spanking, and then loving forgiveness.

So I thought I would please him, switch it up, and write him a fantasy with me getting a spanking from him. I guess I got carried away. Here was my email back (edited a bit and images added).



Here is my version... I'll switch it up.

I knock on your door.

You let me in.

"Strip, bitch," you tell me.

"Yes sir..."

I am completely naked. You walk around me, grabbing my ass, squeezing my breasts, pinching my nipples.


You reach between my legs from behind. I feel your fingers penetrating my moist sex, your thumb pushing insistently against my asshole.

"Bend over," you whisper in my ear.

I bend over, your fingers slide more deeply into my cunt, your thumb slides into my asshole. I gasp. Your other hand reaches around and grabs my dangling breast painfully hard. You lean down and breathe into my ear. You say, "I'm going to whip your ass so hard, slut, that you'll be begging me to stop. But there's only one kind of begging that will make me stop whipping you, you dirty little whore. You'll beg for my cock to fuck every hole you've got. You'll beg for my cock in your mouth, in your pussy, and in your ass, one after the other. When I think you're sincere, bitch, I'll give you what you beg for."

You make me stand straight, I am practically lifted off my feet by your fingers in my holes. You walk me like that to the spanking bench. Your hand stays in as I straddle the horse, kneeling on the leg supports. You take your hand out from my wet sex and tight asshole, push my head down, and slap my ass hard. You fasten my wrists and ankles down, and fasten the buckles around the backs of my knees. You fasten a leather strap across my low back and tighten it down which causes me to arch my back for you.


You slowly walk away. You return swishing an evil thin rod. You start whipping my ass with it! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH!

OWWWW! NOOOOO! OWWWWW! PLEASE SIR! PLEASE!!!!

"You know what you have to beg me for, to make it stop, cunt. Are you slow?"

"OWWWW! OHHHH! PLEASE SIR! PLEASE FUCK ME!!!! PLEASE!!????!!!"

"Where slut? What comes first, slut?"

"OWWWW! MY MOUTH SIR! PLEASE FUCK MY MOUTH SIR!!!!"

"You get your wish, you dirty whore, a nice thick cock deep down your throat."

You take your pants off. You are naked below the waste. Your cock is hard from whipping me. You put your cock right in front of my mouth.

"Kiss it first, slut," you say.

Trembling, I reach out my neck and give the tip a kiss.

"Open"

I open my mouth, making my lips into a round O for you. You slide your cock into me. All the way down my throat.


I struggle to relax my throat and not gag. You pull out and then pump it in again. You repeat, over and over and over again. I am choking and gargling and salivating as you fuck my mouth.


You pull out. There are tears in my eyes and running down my cheeks. I am covered in my own saliva. My nicely applied mascara has run down my face.

"That's enough for you, bitch, you seem to be enjoying it too much."

You walk away from me and return with a leather strap. STRAP! Right across my ass cheeks. The strap reverberates through my spread pussy and asshole. STRAP! STRAP! STRAP!


"PLEASE SIR! PLEASE! STOP!!!!"

"You are slow, bitch," you say.

"PLEASE SIR! PLEASE FUCK MY PUSSY SIR!"

STRAP! STRAP! STRAP!

"Convince me you want it, whore."

"PLEASE SIR! FUCK MY CUNT! I NEED TO HAVE MY CUNT FUCKED SIR. SO BADLY! PLEASE FUCK ME HARD AND DEEP. PLEASE SIR! PLEASE! FUCK MY PUSSY!!!"

"Since you've asked so nicely, whore."

You get behind me. I feel the engorged head of your penis at my cunt lips.

"You needy little slut!" you say, "you're soaking wet!"

You push deep into me with a single thrust. You grab my hips and you pump your cock into me. In and out! Hard! Deep! I yell out in a combination of pain and intense pleasure.


You fuck me hard for five long minutes and then you pull out.

You walk away from me. You return with a paddle. A large paddle. A sorority style heavy wooden paddle with large holes drilled into it. You pull it back and swing it hard to slam into my sore butt.

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

"OWWWWWW!!!!! OH PLEASE SIR! PLEASE FUCK ME IN THE ASS! PLEASE FUCK ME HARD IN THE ASS!"

WHACK!!!

"OWWWW! NO! REALLY SIR. PLEASE. I NEED AN ASS FUCKING SIR. I NEED IT NOW. PLEASE!!!!"

WHACK!!!

"OWWWWWW. OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT! PLEASE SIR! PLEASE FUCK MY ASSS!!! PLEASE!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!!!!!"

WHACK!

"PLEASE!!!!"

"That will do, slut. Your ass is a mess. Red, white, and bruised blue. You'll have my marks on you for a week at least.


Do you still want it up the ass, bitch, or more of the paddle?"

"THE ASS SIR! FUCK ME IN MY ASS SIR! PLEASE! YES SIR! YES SIR! PLEASE!"

"Well then I'm happy to oblige such a dirty little whore of a girl."

You put down the horrible paddle. You dip your cock into my pussy. It's all the lube I'll get. You push the head into my asshole. You insistently push it home. I yell out at the pain!


"Take your medicine, bitch," you tell me.

You slide your cock in and out and in and out. The pain is extreme. Both from your cock, and from your thighs slapping into my whipped, strapped, and paddled ass cheeks. You keep pumping harder and faster and harder and faster. I think I'm going to faint! Then you let out a guttural moan and I feel my rectum being filled with your hot jizz. It keeps coming and coming and coming.

You pull out. You walk away from me. You clean yourself off from my dirty asshole. You return with a butt plug. You stuff it into my ass, trapping your copious sperm inside of me. You unfasten me and tell me to get dressed. You tell me I'm a dirty unfaithful whore. You tell me to go back home to my husband. You understand he likes eating ass. "Make him eat my cum out of your asshole, bitch. Make him look at your beaten and bruised ass and stick his nose in your sore fucked pussy as he does it, and show him what you really need from a man."


You throw me out of the door into the street, crying and disheveled.



You see what I mean when I say I get carried away??? I was not intending to write all that. It was just going to be a sweet little spanking for me. But then I just started writing, and this degrading misogynistic filth poured out of my brain. I definitely don't want all that to happen for real, but then why do I obviously fantasize about it? Reading it back makes me wet. I diddled myself and came thinking of that happening to me. Finding and doctoring photos from the web to illustrate it for the blog shames me, but I do it anyways. I do not approve of those things happening to any woman!!!

Do I subconsciously resent my husband for being such a pussy sub in the bedroom? Is this what I want for myself?

103 comments:

  1. Wow another Hot Story!I would not want to inflict that much pain on a woman either but the fantasy version is hot! I'm not surprised you diddled yourself reading it back! I was rock hard reading it! ;-) GG

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    1. How could you be turned on by THAT! You must be a very bad man ;-)

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    2. I know, it's outrageous really! Pretty sure i wasn't like that until i discovered your blog several years ago! The hours i've spent reading and er...doing other things due to you and this blog! Keep it Up (so to speak!) GG

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  2. Question would you ever wish to be spanked by another female?
    I'm in a relationship with an older woman, she is like a second mother to me, but more, if you understand. She understands me, and at times she has taken on the role of Mommy. We have a great sex life, more than any man has given. When she takes on the role of Mommy it is when she knows I need a spanking. It is always over her lap, always a naughty little girl scolding and she bares my bottom. Spankings are not always private, some of her friends have witness and a couple of mine. Once the spanking and corner time is done, she soothes me, consoles me, like a Mommy. We just needed one another she tells me, why this works and I so love her and her spankings proves she loves me. Carla

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    1. Oh yes, I have been spanked by a woman or two and enjoyed the surrender of it. In fact, woman were my comfort spot for this and men on top scared me until recently...

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  3. Dear Mistress Julie,
    "It's just a fantasy. It's not the real thing. Sometimes a fantasy is all you need!" In the distant past, I've had the (pleasure?) of being strapped down to a spanking bench like that. So helpless, vulnerable, exposed! But I've never been abused like that and I'm not sure I'd really want to! So why am I so aroused thinking about it? I also get jealous of submissive women because they have one more hole than me to abuse.

    Sure, we can get all self-psychoanalytical and ask why we think and fantasize as we do, but that question really doesn't have to be answered, if there even is an answer. I think it's best if we just stay in that delicious moment for as long as we can whenever we can.

    Yes, Mistress Julie, I think part of you wants this for yourself, but you aren't ready to lose control. Whether in fantasy or reality, you still want to write that story, not have it written for you.

    Submissively,
    david

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    1. Goo insights, david, from one who should know!

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    2. Ha! Yes, my insights are quite frequently very "gooey"! As soon as I sent this, I started thinking that you giving your character a choice over which hole would be assaulted first, second, and third was a sign of you keeping control even when taking the submissive role. But now I'm thinking it might be worse mental torture to be forced to participate in your own destruction. For example would you choose what you thought would be most exciting to him first, hoping he would lose control, cum, and preserve the other two? Or keep what you least wanted taken for last, desperately hoping it wouldn't happen? Regardless, I cant help revisiting this fantasy over and over in my own twisted mind. At first I considered ways to make it even darker and more miserable for your character, but I quickly shifted gears and put myself on that spanking bench with horrifying, yet arousing consequences. Not cumming for 10 days with no relief in sight will take my mind to dark places!

      Submissively,
      david

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    3. Well get on that weight loss, young man, and then I'll let you masturbate!

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  4. I love your honesty! I admit it made for an interesting read, but I can't imagine treating a women as you described. But fantasy is great, and thank goodness we are free to imagine. As a male submissive, I imagine myself on the receiving end with my Mistress using me. PS- I don't think you are sick, just very very imaginative, and thank goodness for us.

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    1. An OVER-active imagination, obviously!

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  5. Julie, the role of the woman in the nature is to be the dominant one, not the dominated. That's why the mommy educates the little boys, or the wife educates her husband (as the first thing is same as the second, women rules over men). So, it's really weird a dominant one thinking about being dominated. BUT... How humiliating to david would be see the woman who dominates him all the time, who spanks him, who fucks his ass, who negates him to fuck pussy, etc... How humiliating would be if he sees her being dominated in front of him by a alpha male, with he cannot doing anything? I mean - the woman who spanks him, being spanked; the woman who beats him, being beated; the woman who pegg him all te thime, being fucked in the pussy and in the ass, being tit sucked, sucking cock, etc. And more - what if david would be made to watch this while using a diaper, baby bonnet and drinking a large baby bottle of milk? Some things to be thinked.

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    1. Yes, that is an amusing thought. But I disagree that woman are born to be dominant... I could name a few men...

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    2. Oh, but both we knows that are just a few of them. And even they need their mothers to change their diapers, if you know what I mean (in all possible meanings).

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    3. Well yes, even big strong alpha males can be twisted around our little fingers, though a game not without potential dangers to the wife's bottom!

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  6. No Julie your not sick in the head! I think we are seeing something that most people don't have enough self knowledge and courage to do. You are obviously a very sexual yet moral person. You've found outlets that have helped you grow in your sexuality but your questions show you are also actively trying to remain the " moral " person you need to be. We all go through these struggles but most of us end up burying one or more parts of ourselves. We are actually less of a person than we could be by not fighting these battles with ourselves. Fantasy is just part of everyones thinking sexual and nonsexual. Like this long rambling note. I'm not a health care professional and don't play one on tv. But one of my fantasies (being in my early 60's) is to have a daughter like yourself who I can give my unsolicited dad advice to. Some (most) might think that is a bit twisted.

    I don't think any of this means you think less of David. You don't seem to suffer fools. Knowing him as you do I don't think you wouldn't respect him if he wasn't true to himself. Thus being true to you also.

    Anyway a good test of all of this could come from him. After all a fantasty is just a scene in our minds. Invite him in!

    Of course your question could have been rhetorical in which case like most dad advice you probably tuned out after the first sentence.
    Tom

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    1. It turns me on that you are giving me Dad advice, Tom. NOT the sort of conversation I can have with my real Daddy!!!!! But I think you may be right about my sharing this with david...

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  7. I think you are just experiencing the full range of sexual libido expressed in fantasy that marks you as a very highly sexed female.It's healthy and you are healthy as long as you clearly know that line between reality and fantasy. I do think because you are a woman of high intelligence and deep imagination and because your " real " life has allowed you to experiences such an array of vivid sexual experience, that you may be opening your self to the often paradoxical feeling and desires we all have. I believe all spankos have the ability to swing to either side to the dominant -submissive continuum and back. My sense is that you are really fundamentally a dominant woman and will end up there but in the meantime, have a good time of it.My wife is a dominant woman who started out on the other side of the brush ( not administered by me) and needed that to understand who she was
    Alan

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    1. Oooh! "Highly sexed!" True, and sounds like fun also! I agree that being dominant is my "home base". But these excursions pop into me...

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  8. Pas de panique, petite salope, ce sont juste des pensées obsédantes comme des bouffées d'angoisse. Certains s'imaginent lorsqu'ils traversent un pont par exemple qu'ils vont se jeter à l'eau. Cela n'arrive jamais. Ce sont juste des idées étranges qui relèvent d'une obsession latente, d'une pulsion qui émerge et vient taquiner la conscience. Sauf que généralement, elles repartent assez vite. Chez toi, elles demeurent. Peut-être qu'au fond tu es une vraie salope !
    zz

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    1. C'est vrai, Monsieur. Je suis qu'une petite salope! Mais vous êtes la grande raison que ces pensées demeure!!!

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  9. That's totally different & like a lot of your readers are saying "there's no way I can see that being done!"

    Are far as fantasy is concerned, it's just that. You just let your hair down & decided to just let it out things that you'd never want in real life but what does make you get WET!

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    1. I need to keep saying it:
      I would never want it in real life.
      I would never want it in real life.
      I would never want it in real life.

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  10. No, your not sick Julie. But have said it before to you on here, that you need a good rogering (preferably from a dominant female) in your delectable bottom-hole that will connect you to David's kink.

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    1. Well, you said in your reply to Edwin, that you could see yourself giving yourself over to David without limits or topping from the bottom, so that could be the way to go.(though I do not think David is really a true switch)
      The reason why I think you need to experience a good bottom fucking, is that it appears to me reading your excellent blog, it both appeals/repulses you in nearly equal measure.

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    2. My wife tell me to keep in mind that the main reason she allows me to go to your site is to improve my English. I must therefore ask you if rogering is a coarse or exciting word, the two or neither one nor the other. Outdated perhaps?
      BTW, she wants to deswitch (?) the fantasy up and do it for real. She took note of the difficulty noted by Archedone on the number of holes available in a man. She resolved it by adding 1 dagger. Either, two holes + two daggers : her big dildo in my mouth and ass and our son's pénis (18+, thick and nice big balls) in the same asshole when i'll give her the answer to the question.

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    3. Rogering is a more British word I would say, a less coarse term than fucking, and implies a bit of rough sex!

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    4. Indeed Julie.Your own writing is attentive,sassy,beguiling and suggests that you could do it as a profession if the fancy took you.

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    5. A very poor paying one, unfortunately!

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    6. True in most cases.But you never know, there may be a Kinky Billionaire out there, who gets his kicks from writing like yours and you could provide him with exclusive material at a reasonable rate (:

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    7. Never! I cannot be bought for money!
      (now, how much again? A BILLION?)

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    8. (I think I'd bend over and spread my bum hole for a BILLION).
      Ok, I CAN be bought. What a dirty little whore!

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    9. For a billion dollars, I think any person reading this blog would bend over, take it up the bum, and collect the money!!

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    10. I guess we are all whores then!

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  11. I would not say you are sick. Many people fantasize about situations that if actually carried out would horrify them. In a way, it's possible that extreme fantasies like this are a way your subconscious attempts to cope with your assault from years ago before you met David. It may be attempting to lessen the trauma of the violation you suffered with pleasure by allowing you to direct the moment and consent to it. Attempting to cope with trauma is not sick. The way your mind does it may seem scary and unorthodox, but it is not sick.

    It may be a little odd, but perhaps this would be something to discuss with David as equals outside of playtime. I'm not sure if it would truly work in your personal dynamic (and it's certainly possible that it won't), but maybe you should give yourself over to him for a day. Anything and everything he wants, within safe sane and consensual rules (safe word obviously included). Allow him to lead and truly dominate you, rather than topping from the bottom. If there was anyone to ever do that with, it would be him, the man who has joyfully submitted to you for years and would never harm a hair on your head. With the advance understanding that his butt will be as red as the next sunrise when time is up ;)

    David had the trust in you to come to you and ask you to dominate him to meet his deepest needs, needs he likely didn't fully understand at the time. Perhaps you need to trust in him and do the same on a one-time or occasional basis.

    Or maybe I'm just blowing smoke, heh.

    Take care, take heart, and be well,
    Edwin

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    1. Oh gosh, yes! As I read your note, I found that I felt I WANTED to give myself to my David for a nice extended play session: no topping from the bottom! Nothing off limits to him. Nothing.

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  12. My wife has actually alluded to this phenomenon herself recently as I was on my knees all night trying to make up for a "subpar pedicure" I gave her. Even though she is a natural dominant she yearns to submit at times herself. But it doesn't "feel right" when I try to play that role, she claims, and thus I get severely punished and the cycle repeats.

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    1. Yes. I think some men could switch, and some not. You are clearly in the latter category!

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  13. Nothing wrong with these sorts of thoughts - not sick at all! It's just adult games, and it tends to be the more intelligent that are into BDSM. Anyone that is 100% dominant or submissive probably has some personality issues though.

    Saying that, I have a fantasy to lick my wife's ass clean after she's been to the toilet. Now that's sick!

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    1. "It tends to be the more intelligent that are into BDSM" Really? You may want to reconsider such a broad generalization.

      Stan

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    2. It's been my observation as well. I have a very erudite fan base!

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    3. Many forms of BDSM appeal to a more complex psychology. They say sex is between the ears, so negotiating roles of dominance and submission, or having an appreciation for the meanings behind the actions and the paradox involved in enjoying things disagreeable is mental stimulation beyond raw emotion. Certainly true for some and, for others, they may not think about it too deeply. I expect a written blog would tend to appeal to thinkers.

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  14. well no I don't think your sick in head at all your perfectly normal female or human who happen have these kinky idea or fantasty I am sure lot of female feel like you as the male does

    to me sometime I find it werid I like to be spanked I sometime think to myself nobody else is into this stuff or no female going spank me or bleive I need a spanking or adult do spanking stuff or kinky stuff but u find out everybody is or does

    as you know I still yet find a female to take me over her lap and give me spankings I do think sometime iam not right in head either sometime but crave is so big you have to have need taken care of to me sometime I feel like I need spanked or spanking to make my day better but the day come and go I feel like go crazy cause didn't happen my butt is still pale white lol

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    1. That's what fantasy and masturbation are for, mike.

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    2. I know miss Julie I do masturbation with fantasy of you and other female spanking me or dominate me

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  15. I can relate in that what turns me on sexually often runs contrary to the real everyday me and the values I hold dear. Apparently, there's nothing about being human that guarantees one has much to do with the other. And I can readily switch from a dominant role to a submissive one, maybe because I'm both, or maybe because neither reflects much about who I am. Eroticism can be more powerful when we are challenged to leave the safety of our comfortable morality. It's at least easy to enjoy the fantasy.

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    1. True. But what does it say if I start to obsess over acting it out with my husband???

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    2. It says you're a dirty little slut! :)

      I've never uttered such a pejorative in my life. Call me Mr. Genteel. I'm not into that kind of language, but I guess if it works... I think what your fantasies are telling you is that something about submission, pain and humiliation really turns you on, and it's not limited to you being the one in control to dish it out. You've been getting more and more of a taste of it, and it's only making you hungrier and wanting to go deeper to experience those feelings, even to the point now where you're thinking about switching roles with your husband. You've always felt the need to maintain your dominance over him, to keep him in his place so-to-speak, and now that's yet another barrier to be broken down.

      He once asked you to spank him and, according to you, he created a monster. Of course you mean a good monster that has enhanced his life greatly. So is the question now whether he can do the same for you?

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    3. My home base is still definitely top, as. I really, really enjoy topping! Bottoming is a psychic exploration that I find sexy...

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    4. "But what does it say if I start to obsess over acting it out with my husband???"

      The operative word there: "Acting". That's all it is.

      That you and David "play" and have fantasies (like everyone of us reading this blog!) is....normal! (Not to mention a bit funny.) And acting and fantasies can be managed. And safe. And erotic! And even 'therapeutic.'

      Have fun.

      A.J.


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    5. You should be comforted and excited that the one person whom you love, respect and shares your life is the one you want to experience your fantasy with. He loves this part of you. Not just the kink but the ever evolving couple he is a part of. Even if reality doesn't live up to the fantasy it should still bring you two even closer and be a stepping stone for you. Just have fun and be safe TOGETHER.
      Tom

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    6. Absolutely. I think I'll go get myself spanked and fucked by hubby! Exciting!

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    7. What does it say about me if I seem to be obsessing more about your fantasy than you are? I was thinking that everything in your fantasy seems to be in your wheelhouse except being thrown away at the end. I'm hoping that part has no emotional effect on you when it's missing.
      Tom

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    8. It's just for play! After you throw me out, tom, and it's the end of the scene, I'll run right back in and give you a big hug and a kiss!

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  16. You are such a little mynx!! Paddle, strap, plug, dildo, giving & recieving, men, women, english or french - the consummate gemini vixen!! Since your first forays into this game I've been delighted by your wonderfully unaffected style and your escapdes have become the fodder of my fantasies as well as little scenes in the stolen moments my wife and I have in our busy lives. A deep bow and my most sincere thanks for your dedication to the underground & Give David a slap on the ass for my wife :) e

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    1. I will! Thank you for the kind words!

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  17. Well Miss Julie, you are just continuing to explore your submissive side in your normal bold and imaginative way. Don't fight the urge but embrace it as another adventure, which if you don't like you don't have to repeat. I can assure you David will enjoy it, as most of your fans will. If you ever need fatherly advice, instruction and discipline (you are a naughty little girl sometimes) you seem to have a large fan base that consist of older men(including myself)who like to be on both sides of the paddle.

    John

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    1. It's exciting imagining a few hundred stern Daddies out there with their paddles at the ready to discipline me!

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    2. You better behave yourself young lady:)

      John

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  18. Joseph, twenty-three, strong desire to be spanked. Spent many a time alone, spanking magazines. Recently learned that be careful what you ask for or wish. A lady who lives in the same apartment complex warned me to keep the music turned down or else. I was coming back from the pool, once in my apartment played my music. A knock on the door this lady said nothing walked in, and I soon found myself over her lap, my swimming suit around my ankles and my bottom being spanked. She said no one will hear, your music is to loud and when she finished I danced around the room, rubbing and yelling at her. That got me another spanking and the worse was yet to come. I was told to pull up my suit and we went down to her apartment. Your facing the wall young man and I did as told. She then pulled my suit down to display my red bottom. I loved it and hated it, she was really good.

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    1. That's very kinky. People don't do that out of the blue. Had you hinted to her you were open to it?

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    2. Once while visiting her, having a drink, I recall mentioning spankings. She smiled, said common among young males. What I found the most enjoyable was facing the wall, that naughty little boy feeling.

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    3. "Mentioning" spankings? Come on, fess up! Nobody just "mentions" spankings, especially not sick perverted spankos like us! I'll bet the mere mention of the word from a vanilla makes your heart race! You had an ulterior motive!

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  19. Miss Julie - I don't believe your head is anywhere but in the right place. I also think you're very horny to have produced a duo of blog posts like these last two. Beating david's bottom black and blue, then fantasising about being taken in the harshest way possible only reinforces your growing need to 'pay for' the punishments you dish out.

    Agree with so many others here that a good spanking, then rogering from David might open some additional fanatsy doors for you both.

    Also agree that you are the Best conveyor of kinky adventures I've ever read and so grateful you're willing to share so beautifully your experiences with the rest of us spankos. TL

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    1. Thank you for the kind words.
      Now the word "rogering", used in that context, makes my pussy tingle a bit...

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    2. You soooo want it in your bottom hole - and don't - all at the same time. It's so tantalising to swing on that anticipation/anxiety hook, isn't it? TL

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    3. Oh it is! What sane person wants their bottom hole stretched, abused, and rogered!

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  20. Your fantasy is only as applicable to your real life as you want it to be. It's your choice. Sexual fantasies are not good indicators of real life interests. While many acknowledge fantasies about domination, many also acknowledge they would not want to experience it in real life. There is also frequently crossover between fantasies about submission and domination. Many people report having both fantasies without necessarily having an interest in both or either. Your fantasy involves consenting adults in a non criminal situation. It seems to be healthy enough to me. Interesting blog piece though.

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    1. I guess there's 3 levels:
      1) Fantasy
      2) Acting fantasy out
      3) Having that happen against your will!!!

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    2. Yes and you are simply at level 1 at the moment. All very normal and natural. If you want you can choose to go to level 2. That's with your consent and again that's normal and natural (and your subby readers will be salivating at the prospect ha ha!). It is only Level 3, having that happen against your will, that is problematic. If that happens without genuine consent then that would be a crime.

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  21. Miss julie,
    Ive been a reader for some time and enjoy your take on all facets of this kink.
    Im a switch with some experience.
    I have a play partner and have sent her here to learn the trade!
    She has become very adept at topping but now has expressed interest in switching.
    I queried her about this interest and after a bit if prodding she confessed in being a bit jealous of the pleaseure i receive at her hand. She wants to enjoy that same endorphin high she sees in me during a scene. We are not full time like you and david. Our scene is more like an occasional indulgence. Her forcing my submission and requiring me to "purchase" her pleasure is an instrumental part of the scene to me and topping her would really "tip-the-cart" I fear.
    Do you think you could be topped by your sub and still maintain the dynamic?
    Ive been well received as a top, mostly because i know exactly how to build the desire to submit and create the brain chemistry high due to my enjoyment of submission and its costs. However, i have never topped a mistress i served.
    Thoughts?

    Keep up the good work!

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    1. We're not full time either. Absolutely the dynamic can be maintained. I have a part of me that wants to dominate, and a part of me that wants to submit. It all depends on which of my two girls I let out to play! Grrr! meow...

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  22. Hello there, you adorable little sicko. (Just teasing) A lot of good consistent, reassuring commentary has all been said before here, but I'll add this: your last thought about resentment is a bit bothersome. If there's anything you need to think through, it's that, because that little nugget could become a boulder one day. This is now two separate times you've brought something up about David that could turn things sour if not properly dealt with. My take would be that the dominant side of you needs him terribly and even the submissive side of you can be satisfied by him as well. Wondering if his usual submission is the reason for your fantasies being extreme, is probably not the best view to take.

    As far as what qualifies for sick? Hell......first get someone to agree on what counts as 'normal' and then we'll take it from there. You wouldn't believe the shit that has popped into my own head at times! (But then, I have never considered myself normal......or worried about it.)

    Also you clearly are a switch at this point in your life, and the things that flip that switch back and forth are unpredictable. And since the disparate interests in being one or the other can be so extreme, it can feel like being crazy....but it's just part of being a switch. If interested, you can read a story of mine on this very thing.....from a male-switch perspective: http://mattmansfigures.homestead.com/switching.html

    As for someone's observation that BDSM people tend towards being more intelligent than others? That has not been my experience. And if you need any evidence to back that up, just compare that assertion with the number of comments that you received that said, "your not sick" instead of "you're not sick". ;-) See? BDSM are just like everyone else.

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    1. Ha. No need for the (just teasing) caveat with me! I know when I'm being teased, and quite enjoy it!

      Maybe "resentment" was a poor choice of words. It's more like I'm resenting myself for not being woman enough to give my man the opportunity to show me what he's made of in the bedroom. Time to change that!

      Yeah, and YOU are one to talk about BDSM folks being not above average intelligence. Mister smarty pants.

      I'll read your story with interest! Thank you.

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    2. I hope you enjoy it. And I do like that response with regard to David. Very promising. (No doubt it will lead to another post. LOL)

      I wasn't going to mention this before, and it may seem WAY out of character for me....in several ways....BUT, for some reason, in reading not the story, but your responses to some of the comments, I suddenly had this sudden "fantasy urge" to Top you in a a kind of sicko-daddy/sicko-daughter scene. (I probably am just old enough to be your father.....if I started a family early.)

      I have switched in the past pretty successfully, but much prefer the sub role. It takes a weird set of conditions to put me in this kind of mood....but it happened nonetheless.

      (Just to satisfy a bit of your curiosity, I was thinking along the lines of a combination of predicament bondage and some wooden pony activity.....interspersed with more 'traditional' forms of punishment. Weird huh? I am still wondering where the hell this came from?!)

      Anyway....let me know what you thought of the story. It is almost entirely based on an actual event from many years ago.

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    3. Sicko Daddy/daughter: my sweet spot! So much erotic tension in that relationship!

      What's a wooden pony??? Is that where the girl sits on a triangular wood with her pussy spread? Sounds horrible! And oddly exciting... Daddy...

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    4. Yup, that's the pony. It works well on men too.

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    5. Yeeks! Please, Daddy! Please not another pony ride! Please!

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  23. Hi Julie: Like many of your readers, I have fantasized just like the reader you have communicated with, of being subjected to your whims as described, and some of what you have described with David. I also have fantasized about being the top with you, but never, ever, anything as severe as you describe, but making it real enough that you are never quite certain what would happen next..
    Some people can switch from one role to another, as in reality, it is just an erotic game we are playing, within limits that the couple accept.
    My opinion, for what it is worth, is that this is role playing, with exceptionally wonderful results.
    HOPEFULLY, you do not let the writing of the blog, and the readers comments influence you in making decisions about your life. Describing getting wet while writing something, is very similar to your male readers getting hard while reading. I believe it to be natural. I post daily because daily some different spanking scenario helps give me an erection or more. Use it or lose it.
    You would be fun to meet and chat with over a coffee.
    bottoms up
    Red

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    1. But I AM influenced by my readers' comments! That's the whole point. I am determined now to write David a letter regarding what I want him to do with me. I will of course clear it by the blog first! :-)

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    2. Impatient to be consulted about the beating you crave.

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    3. Sorry Sir! Travelling on business and don't have access to a big computer, only iPad. Anxious to consult still!

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  24. "Am I sick in the head?" The fact that you asked that question indicates you already know the answer to that question. You are quite sick. Even more disturbing is your desire to fuck your father. Quite clear there are no boundaries for you. You were even hoping that after your experience with John that he would sexualize his own daughters. There is a depth to your sickness that staggers one's imagination. You are a disturbed soul

    STAN(so you know I'm not hiding behind anonymous)

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    1. Thank you for your input, stan! Nice to see a contrarian view.

      I have a strong desire to mess around with an idealized Daddy figure, but no compelling desire to do anything with my real Dad (whom I love a lot). I have said that I would not be opposed to spanking him if he was a true spanko and lacked a partner, as a favour to him (not that he is or has hinted, or anything - just a thought experiment) and I would genuinely enjoy that.

      As for John, I would be strongly opposed to him involving his daughters in any way whatsoever with sex or kink where he is concerned!!! Illegal and immoral in the worst way at their age. I wondered if it would freak John out to role play a Daddy Daughter scene when he has real daughters. Turns out not.

      With a lot of love, stan, I think you have trouble separating fantasy from reality. The rest of us here on this blog, and players in the BDSM community in general, have a very high ability to distinguish those things, and safely mess around with taboo fantasy without hurting anybody.

      No, what disturbs me about myself is this ridiculously strong desire to be so thoroughly and completely whipped and sexually abused in my fantasy, and feeling the desire to spill that over into role play with a loving partner. Thinking about it obsesses me!

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  25. I wonder what is the meaning of that sperm you convey in your ass to your home.
    It allows to evoke David and so to appease the anguish of having had pleasure in cheating on him but,
    Is this a way of making David suck a man, swallowing the sperm of your rough lover ? (yuck!)
    Is it more like a small gift that a mother who did not come home brings back to her child left alone for the night ?
    Or is it something precious  you deliver, like a virgin ?

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  26. Stan, I feel obliged to back up my young lady on this. Though my narrative won't be up to the standards Julie has set, here is my account of something very relevant from my distant past. I was in my early thirties at the time.

    I was at the home of a couple that I spent a lot of time around. They were about my same age, three or four years older. It was their daughters 15th birthday. A large home with a lot of space for entertaining. Being the middle of the summer most guests were in the back yard on the deck enjoying the warm weather and shade. To escape the noise and another country song I went into the living room and sat on the couch.

    The birthday girl came into the room a few minutes later and just plopped herself on my lap! Almost immediately she said that she wanted a "special birthday spanking" from me!
    " What do you mean by special?" I asked.
    She replied. " On my bare bottom!".

    Now I've been a spanko as long as I can remember and to have this land in my lap,literally,was the stuff of my fantasies. But the only thing on my mind at that point was how to tell her no without rejecting or hurting her! Thank God we had know each other for a few years. Despite her age and the amount of alcohol I had consumed we had a very adult (not in that way) conversation.

    To this day I do not regret the choice I made at that moment. It was the right choice. But I also have to admit that over the years since then I do fantasize (with ALL that entails) about making a much different choice.
    Tom

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    1. A little Freudian slip at the beginning of my earlier replay. I meant to say "the young lady" not "my young lady". Sorry if it sounded presumptuous Julie!
      Tom

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    2. Oh Tom, a beautiful sentiment. I would be proud to be considered "your young lady"!

      But what a little minx of a 15 year old! You did good. I hope she eventually got her spanking from a boy her own age!

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  27. Sick. Are we talking about harmful and unhealthy, or something we should find offensive or disgusting?

    When I was young, in the U.S. at least, any sexual deviation from missionary position sex between a man and woman was considered to be in a range from creepy to sick. Sexual feelings weren't discussed openly because it was an awkward topic in mixed company. The sexual revolution was exactly that. Then the Internet was the wide open door. It's a night and day difference and yet... the influence of past culture still exists. People can feel threatened by what they don't understand, hostile and even violent when it challenges their sexual proprieties. With spanking and BDSM, there are many possible connections to family dynamics, age regression, even incestuous impulses. It's not difficult to understand how this can pose a threat to those who don't have the feelings. We who possess and express them not only know where the lines between reality and fantasy are drawn, we know what is literal and figurative, what is transference, symbolic or representational, etc.. Then some people are dangerous criminals, whether they happen to be kinksters or not.

    So do our fantasies expressed pose a threat to anyone? Is our morality weakened by having them? I don't believe so, but I also don't expect to change anyone's opinion either.

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    1. Harmful and unhealthy. Kinks must have been EVEN MORE FUN when they were so taboo. And yes, keep trying, you won't convince a hard liner, but there are on the fencers reading also!

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  28. Julie, I think your readers should supply suggestions to your letter, rather than a review. Or better yet write what we would do to you.

    John

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    1. Suggestions always welcome, but I have a few little ideas of my own...

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