Violet Holds Fan Accountable

A long-time fan, first-time emailer we shall call 'Kyle', reached out to me at the start of the month. The end result is that he had a session with Mistress Violet and is expected for another six in order to hold himself accountable for his misbehaviours.

 Here was Kyle's initial reach out to me.

Hello Julie,

I've been a fan of your blog since way back in 2011 and have made anonymous comments from time to time. Today I'm reaching out in response to a comment that *you* made on your recent post "My Flogging Myeh."

"It's mostly about finding a male willing to submit absolutely to my will.... You'd have to sign legal disclaimers and everything.... Something like that. It excites me."

Obviously, David would typically fill that role for you, but on the off chance that this truly was an invitation (as it differs from your usual domestic themed fun that you share with him), I wanted to reach out as a longtime kink enthusiast and resident of Toronto. In typing this out, I'm thinking it was probably just an idle fantasy of yours. But I'll mention that I'd be happy to complete all sorts of preparations in order to take as much punishment as possible from you. Perhaps even meeting with Mistress Violet to be vetted and pre-trained to your specifications. Or maybe something else entirely. It could of course be fuel for your blog, my only stipulations being that you continue to protect my privacy as you do with everyone that reaches out to you. 

Apart from the above, I'm really looking forward to your book. I was in my early twenties in 2010 which happened to be the year I restarted my university degree after dropping out a couple years earlier due to poor performance. Many, many afternoons were spent reading your blog and wishing for a governess of my own to hold my nose to the grindstone (and put my nose in the corner when I messed up). 

Your blog encouraged me to open up to my then girlfriend (now wife) about my fetishes. We experimented but found that things work best when we're vanilla overall with me topping her occasionally and indulging my submissive proclivities with others. There have been many experiences that were only available to me because I followed your advice and was open and honest about the kinky side of myself, and for that I am extremely grateful! 

Anyways, I hope you're well. Apologies if I've let my idle fantasies get out of control (regarding being the one completely immobilized and thrashed by you, without a safeword). Keep up the amazing work.

Kyle

Ha ha! Thirsty fan... I don't mind. I'm flattered by the compliments. Love that Kyle has been with my blog from the beginning and that I helped him to be more open with his eventual wife.

I usually make it a habit to re-direct people who want to play with me to instead seek out my friend Violet who does this for a living. And seeing as he mentioned her...

Hi! Glad to meet you, Kyle

No, it was not a real invitation, just a flight of fancy. I really try to minimize any crossover from blog to real world. But you should definitely reach out to my friend Violet. She's very attractive, a lovely person, exceptionally and genuinely kinky, loves her job, is highly skilled, and extremely discreet and trustworthy. We've played many times. She'd give you a wonderful beating and I could hear all about it if you want. I could even act as a go between to hone in your session better.

Happy to hear I was helpful to you in your kinky life. I think you in particular will love my new book!

Julie

He wrote back.

Aww Julie, thanks so much for responding!

That makes sense it wasn't an actual invitation, as I was opening Gmail just now I was thinking, "wait, I didn't actually send that right? Did I really interpret a comment on a blog as a cattle call for scene partners?" I'm not entirely sure what came over me yesterday, thank you for being so laid back about it!

That's really kind of you to offer to be a go between! I've thought about reaching out to her for years and it would truly help with the nerves. Playing out my fantasies with the added thrill of you being involved would be the culmination of a fantasy in its own right. I'm going to write out a couple of ideas that just came to my head upon reading your message:

1. Playing out Julie's fantasy. I show up to Mistress Violet with nothing more than my limits and the knowledge that whatever goes on will be at your whim. Maybe you've had a stressful couple of weeks and would love to hear about a man being put into such a strict hogtie that he cries. Or perhaps you're in the mood for a laugh and would prefer to see pictures of the most pathetic sissy imaginable being bent over and fucked. Or maybe you're in a gentle mood, or you want to see/hear about a stupid boy from the internet getting pied in the face. In a sense it could be like service submission to you, bring your idle thoughts into reality - especially the ones least practical for your real-life scening?

2. Real life Governess. I set-up a monthly appointment with Mistress Violet and establish goals in the first session (sleep schedule, language learning, personal projects, work productivity, sex with my spouse, orgasms for my spouse, etc.) with the following sessions being used to assess tangible proof towards my goals and applying (maintenance) punishments where necessary and possibly rewards. I'm not sure what form the rewards could take, given the professional aspect of the domination. In this scenario, I would put down a one or two session deposit before things kicked off, so that I couldn't just disappear in order to avoid an impending punishment. It seems unlikely that I'm the first person to have this idea, I wonder if she's dealt with this before (or is tired of being propositioned with it!). It occurs to me that this idea could be combined with the above (and possibly give you stuff to throw in the blog when it's a slow news day/kink day?).

It's honestly such a thrill to have heard from you. THE strict Julie using MY pseudonym :)

Silly boy. Thinking about reaching out to Violet for "years" and not doing it? It was clear to me that #2 above is at the core of what Kyle really wants, with #1 just being some hints as to what he craves. Fed up with his dithering, I wrote back to Kyle with a direct cc to Violet! Ha ha!

Well, if you've thought about reaching out to Mistress Violet for years and have not yet because of nerves, I've just solved that for you by cc'ing her (evil grin!).

Violet, please meet a "long time lurker, first time emailer" of my blog potentially interested in sessioning with you regularly (assuming it works out all around).

Kyle, I love #2. I don't actually get satisfaction from hurting my partner for no reason. The satisfaction I get is hurting my partner for a good reason. I think that would apply vicariously to you through Mistress Violet as well. And I'd love to be involved remotely. Your "shortcomings and evidence" would be due a few days in advance by email. She and I could discuss behind the scenes an appropriate consequence for you. You could share privately with me any additional session feedback, and I would decide if it's just whining or if I pass it on to Violet, and you won't know which I do.

And I would absolutely take you up on the offer of photos for my blog. I'd make sure anything identifying you is appropriately altered or blurred out. Might be a very nice series for us to collaborate on.

If the thing becomes established, I wonder if I could talk my husband into dropping by with me to observe one of your sessions? Or maybe have him put you across his knee for a spanking during the session as Violet and I watch? Honestly that would excite me more than doing it myself. Ha ha! Your poor ass, though. Doubt I would be able to resist giving you a good thrashing as well.

A great first session would be for you to have that discussion and goal setting with Violet, naked and kneeling in front of her. Or possibly fastened down tightly onto her spanking horse, legs spread, asshole, penis, and testicles accessible with a riding crop in her hand encouraging you to elaborate. A dildoing to reinforce your place before she sends you home to your wife, hard and drippy?

I'm sure Mistress Violet can work out some rewards in addition to punishments, though I expect you'll have to do a lot to earn them. She might even let you jerk yourself off while she watches, and allow you to eat it after, but you'd need to be a very good boy to earn that.

Violet, what do you think?

Julie

Violet was first to write back.

Hello Julie, 

I would absolutely love to conspire with you (and maybe David too!) for some sessions with your long-time lurker, Kyle. 

If Kyle could send me some dates and times when he’s available - the week of August 8th onward - then myself and Julie can concoct an appropriate session. 

I love these kinds of triangulated trysts… I will provide my own feedback on Kyle's conduct to Julie as well! 

I love taking photos during sessions and we can send them to Julie - for a blogpost perhaps. 

Let me know what you think. I’m open to all sorts of creative ideas!

 Kyle got back to both of us.

Aww thanks you two! 

Julie I love your ideas, just need to raise a couple of limits: 

1. Anything involving David or other men (male bisexuality, cuckolding, being compared negatively to other men). The beta vs. alpha male dichotomy that has sprung up in popular culture is something that I would rather avoid, preferring to see female domination as something I need - the way a show horse needs to have blinders put on and be put through its paces in order for it to be its best.

2. Me having an orgasm in the presence of Mistress Violet. I've spoke with my spouse about seeing a professional dominatrix and that is a limit that she has set, and that I agree with. The same applies to sexual contact involving my penis, though contact with the intent of pain or anything else that would not lead to orgasm is not a limit.

3. In-person play with anyone who is not being paid/a professional. Similar to the above, a limit from my spouse that I agree with and respect.

Julie, thank you so much for facilitating this, I'm immensely grateful (though my heart was beating in my ears the second I saw the first line of your most recent message!). Mistress Violet, thank you just as much for being so open to this! 

It's a dream come true to be speaking with both of you.

 I wrote back.

Wonderful that you replied, Kyle.

I totally understand your limits. David is the same way about guy-on-guy, though I was hoping to convince him to come watch and maybe give you a spanking, though I had not broached it with him yet. Nor am I in any sense a pro and just taking money this one time would seem like a loophole that your wife would not approve of. Besides, I don't want to do anything in person without my husband present, but happy to continue to participate behind the scenes by email, and possibly blog about it.

I'll leave it to you two to setup your first session. I'll be interested in helping set the scene and hearing all about it afterwards (and possibly seeing it via pics as well). And helping to keep you accountable remotely, Kyle.

Violet also responded to us both.

Thank you Kyle for sending your limits and dates for your first session. All limits will be respected - many of my clients do not engage in explicit sexual play during sessions so that’s very easy to manage. And I’m very happy for you that you’re in a relationship with your wife where you can share this adventure with her. Well done! 

I will email you separately to arrange our session.

There we go. Mission accomplished. Match made!

I'll not reproduce the subsequent emails, but I was back and forth individually with both Kyle and Violet to help design a session to fulfill Kyle's needs. In the end it would of course be fully Violet's session,  but I knew from our own play with her that she appreciates my kinky mind laying out some guide-rails for a session that she then runs with and interprets in her own unique way. Also, since we hadn't met up for a while, Violet and I went out for mid-afternoon lunch, and one of our topics of conversation was of course what we would do to poor Kyle. We had to watch our voices as other tables were nearby and waiters were coming and going. Despite our discretion, I thought we caught some furtive stares and listens from fellow diners regardless. Ha ha!

I went into a lot of detail with Kyle, and asked a lot of questions back and forth to try to understand those little triggers that would turn him on the most. Many emails worth! But never spilling the beans at all on what Violet and I were plotting for his first session. There were going to be some surprises for Kyle.

The session date and time was arranged, and all necessary screening was successfully passed.  In the meantime I had Kyle "prepare himself" for his first session by self-spanking and butt plug. I also made him hold his sperm and practice edging thinking about his upcoming scene. I wanted him at peak sexual excitement for his session so he could indeed be sent home to his wife hard and drippy for her. He was very new to this, and when you're new sometimes you get a bit panicked thinking a spanking or a dildoing is doing more damage than it actually does. That was why the prep. Here was one of his reports back to me:

Report from completion of self-spanking and dildoing:

The 50 spanks were much more painful than I expected. It was surprising to see so little redness (pictures attached). Yet at the same time, a few minutes after I was done, the pain dissipated much faster than I expected and left me feeling that I should have been slower and more deliberate. It gave me a lot more respect for what you and David have gone through regularly (I've been spanked by a partner before, but it was years ago). My wife's smallest pink dildo felt nice inside of my ass, it's the farthest I've even been able to push something up there. Likely 4 inches. What must have been pressure on my prostate was a very heady experience, it's hard to describe but it felt like it added pressure in my penis. The edging itself was excruciating. As my timer ticked down from ten minutes, my fear of cumming was at the forefront of my mind. Especially after seeing how I react to such a light spanking. At first I couldn't even stroke to get myself fully hard, I could've cum with my cock barely at half-mast. Eventually the combination of my stuffed asshole and my sporadic strokes got me to an almost painful hardness. I couldn't complete more than two strokes at a time without feeling like an orgasm was just around the corner. When the timer finally went to zero I was relieved, but groaned when I remembered that I have ten more days left of this brutal tease. I have purchased the 1.0" and 1.5" dildos they are due to be delivered in 10-25 days, I'll use the buttplug and small dildo until then. I will continue to look for a 2" dildo and a wooden hair brush and make a purchase no later than tomorrow night.

Isn't that delightful? I was pleased that Kyle seemed to have a nice, womanly bum. But I think a full-body waxing is definitely in his future!

Kyle bought a better hairbrush and went at himself some more.

WOW this time hurt WAY more. I bought a new hairbrush (pic attached). It's technically called a "paddle brush" and I can see why. It makes me think that's it actual use is for spanking. It still surprises me how quickly the pain goes away when I'm done, though my cheeks are still feeling pretty sensitive today come to think of it.

By the way, I was perusing your blog today and realized I forgot to mention the position I'm most eager to try in my earlier message. The position is over-the-knee, but with one leg looped over the back of my thighs, trapping me between Mistress Violet's legs (and possibly pulling my right arm behind my back with her left so I'm even more at her mercy).

I replied.

That's a better hairbrush. And yes, the purpose of your spanking exercise is to convince you that you will survive a nice hard spanking just fine (even though, in the moment, it may seem as if you can't).

That is a classic position of control. I'll pass that on. Everything I may mention though, is just a suggestion. Violet will absorb the energy of the suggestions and craft a great scene for you, but don't go into it expecting anything in particular. These things evolve over time.

Julie

I thought it best to manage Kyle's expectations. I knew he would have an amazing scene, but better to go in with lower expectations and come out with his expectations exceeded.

Oh that makes about the spanking! I hadn't thought about it in those terms before and didn't realize how important that aspect of things would be.

Thanks for helping set my expectations for next week's session. I'm really looking forward to it and feel like I'll enjoy it just as much regardless of whether my suggestions are taken into account. Like, you and her are so experienced and both so creative that I almost want to stay out of the way. In person, Mistress Violet will probably be able to read my like a book as well, understand what makes me tick. To some extent I may be putting her on a pedestal, but I hope you understand what I mean.

I think Kyle is wrong about "staying out of the way". It's tiny little things that make all the difference between a scene being super exciting and being a turn off, and it's different for everybody. A lot of preparation and communication is best, as we were doing (though it has a different "feel" when it's a third party go between, I think - more "romantic").

The day before his session, Kyle sent us his "Accountability List":

1. Sexual performance
1. Haven't given my wife an orgasm in 10 years together
2. Have masturbated in secret and let her down with reduced sex drive as a result
3. Selfish lover, have not gone down on her more than once in past year
4. Failure to communicate my sexual wants to my wife (not coaching her on how best to please me orally)
2. Professionalism
1. Would frequently not do anything outside of meetings at my previous job
2. Probably didn't work a full 40 hours once in the past 3 months
3. Too much joking around and trying to be an entertainer
4. Need to get better at presentation skills (dashboard and deck creation)
3. Health (weightlifting, food choices, cardio, walking)
1. Great at weightlifting past few months, very consistent
2. Good with food, have cleaned up my diet and am avoiding deep-fried foods
3. Great with cardio the past few weeks after buying a stationary bike
4. Need to walk more, I will add it to my routine at lunchtime
4. Self-control
1. Used to frequently drink too much when out with friends, have cut down to 2 drinks max for past 2 months (have also completely cut out weed in past month)
2. Road rage while cycling, have put myself in bad situations twice in the past month (not yelling at drivers, just making dangerous choices while going 40-50 Km/h)
3. Looking at women dressed in particularly tight or revealing clothes, I live downtown and have stared multiple times in the past month, wasn't seen/caught but still knew it was wrong
4. Am frequently impatient with my wife and cut her off when she is telling a story or just talking, have improved in recent months but should be better
5. Hygiene
1. Miss the occasional shower
2. Missed brushing & flossing twice each in the past month
3. Often let my nails get too long
4. Not a big deal but I should be perfect on all of this
6. Intellect
1. Haven't read a book in 2022 (want to reread The Art of War and The Prince (Machiavelli) and writing about how they can be applied to real-life (before moving on to writing reports on other books)
2. Haven't put any effort into learning Russian (long-term goal of mine, took classes years ago, they're too time consuming but self-study is more than possible at my knowledge level)
3. Want to start the habit of completing creativity/lateral thinking exercises
   

The first item was extremely surprising, as was the second. Plenty of fodder there, for sure! Violet agreed.

The scene proceeded and completely exceeded all of Kyle's expectations. Violet took some photos. We'll let Kyle describe it in his own words in blue. I'll interject my thoughts and some more background in red.

First, let's get you a bit of a visual of Mistress Violet, to make you salivate!

Isn't she fabulous??? Lucky Kyle.

In the cab ride to Mistress Violet's dungeon, I was on edge - but it was manageable. I was doing my best to keep calm and not picture anything that might happen in the session (as you had instructed me to keep my expectations under control). When I knocked on her door, that went completely out the window. She opened the door and I was overwhelmed. 

First, she's beautiful.

Second, she's in great shape. She must take excellent care of her body.

Third, her laugh. It's so big! And wonderful.

We stood in the kitchen area and she asked me a couple of questions about my experience, confirmed that my wife did indeed know I was there, and spoke about a couple of other things. I was jittery, I didn't know what to do with my hands. All I could think about was how afraid I was of being rude, how I didn't know where to but my hands (for that matter, how do people normally stand? How do people talk? etc.). She noticed my nerves and said, "I don't know if I can get close enough to you to spank you." It was reassuring that she noticed how I was feeling and disarmed me with a joke. It made me feel like it was ok to be nervous while also pointing out, yeah - I should probably settle down if I can.

With our meet & greet out of the way, she instructed me to follow her to the bathroom. She matter of factly stated, "Get undressed and shower." I clarified that she meant now, right in front of her - a part of me was afraid that I would somehow offend her with my nudity... I don't know, she was a beautiful woman who had just met me. I wanted to be extra sure that she consented to seeing me naked. She said "Yes" and I took my clothes off. It was a fairly large walk-in shower with the glass wall, so she had a completely unobstructed view of me. I asked if I should wash my hair as well. "Will you be rubbing your hair all over my space? Will you be rubbing your face all over everything?" Chastened and feeling ridiculous, I responded that I wouldn't. "Then just wash your body." The humour wasn't lost on me. 

I felt very self-conscious while showering in front of her, on display like that. Not self-conscious of my body, but my movements. It really enforced that she was in charge. Thinking back, it was so hot that she supervised me. At the end, she pointed out that I'd forgotten to pull my foreskin back and rinse the head of my penis. It was embarrassing in the best way and showed her attention to detail. 

Before leaving the bathroom, she said, "Dry yourself, hang the towel and stand in front of the mirror." I've never dried myself so quickly and thoroughly in my life, I had no idea what was coming next but I was afraid that she would come back before I was done and that she'd be disappointed. I wanted to impress her with how well I could follow her commands. When she returned, she told me to put my hands on the counter and bend over, "Further, bend your arms, further." She was wearing rubber gloves. She spread my cheeks and slid a finger between them. It felt really nice to be processed like that. Even nicer to pass her inspection. She didn't comment but I felt a sense of pride.

Violet has a shower for her clients, She'll usually ask if they would like to use it. Some will have just showered before getting there and pass. Violet and I thought it would be good, especially in light of Kyle's "Hygiene" bullet, if we just TOLD HIM to use it, and supervised him doing so. We thought it would be quite humiliating (in a good way) and set the scene and the domestic power dynamic properly. I mean, so unusual to be told by a beautiful fully-clothed woman to strip and shower as she watches. Very domestic. The Governess supervising her charge's cleanliness. Violet throwing in the instruction to clean under his foreskin was genius, as was the inspection afterwards.

She led the way to the discipline room. Walking from the shower to there was nerve-wracking. Mistress Violet walked in front of me, I remember thinking, "this is it, no going back now!" It felt a bit like I was floating. I remember considering whether I should take a peek at Mistress Violet's derriere but thought it would be unseemly. I'm rather in awe of her. And I guess it's also her being a woman in general, it just felt wrong to look at her in that way unless she specifically commanded it or consented to it.

I don't know... do we really believe that Kyle did not even peek?  I have my doubts. :-)

Passing by various other rooms we got to the discipline room. There were no windows, just painted cinder blocks and various restraints, spanking implements, and a wall full of gags. She had me stand, she walked back and forth in front of me. I was naked. It was intimidating. Whenever I made eye-contact, I couldn't hold her gaze for long. It felt like there was a force emanating from her that I couldn't face, like she was moving through me. She told me that she'd gone over my list and that there was a lot to punish me for, but that we would also be trying a lot of different spanking implements as this was an introductory session.

I can't lie, for a moment I was disappointed. Scared that I wouldn't receive the discipline that you and I had discussed. She had me get into position on the spanking bench. It took me a second to figure out how to position myself, she laughed a little and gave me encouragement when I put my knees closer to my elbows. Another burst of pride as I felt that my flexibility impressed her. Truly, Mistress Violet has such a lovely laugh, it made me feel nice whenever I heard it. Even if it was directed at me, perhaps especially when it was *at* me.

She fastened me to the bench so I had no chance of moving.

Mistress Violet then said "Julie mentioned something about safewords, tell me about that."

I mentioned my concern about safewording too early, she said "red is red. If you safeword too early, then too bad for you, that's your responsibility. But there's also yellow, you'll use yellow at some point today and then you'll see what happens after and that it's ok."

Kyle and I had discussed safewords. He was toying with the concept of playing without a safeword. I didn't think that was a good idea for a first session, and obviously neither did Violet. Although Violet is very adept at reading her sub's body, and your body will find a way of "safe-wording" to an experienced Domme even without a safeword. But too soon for any of that.

As she bound me down she made a comment about my weight, "you look pudgier than I expected without your clothes on." I really appreciated this, she wasn't doing it to shame me or 'playing it up' for my benefit. Just speaking matter-of-factly. I've actually lost about 15 lbs over the past few months, but it was nice to have her objectivity, it's not time for me to be complacent. I liked that she was holding me to a higher standard and putting me in my place.

I agree. For a boy who claims to be doing so much exercise, the results just are not there. Way too many womanly curves on Kyle. He's probably doing it wrong. We'll have to work on that.

Next, she outlined my responsibilities for the day. "Your job is to breathe." She told me how important it was for me to remember to breathe. Breathing would help spread the pain throughout my body. This was very helpful to have in mind later!

Mistress Violet then outlined what was going to happen. She was going to read through my list and discipline me with various implements at her discretion.

With my body in place, she got into position behind me. Secured to the bench, completely unable to move, I was very aware that I had no control anymore, I was at her mercy now. Anything that happened from here would be completely at her discretion. I couldn't be happier, while I couldn't move it also meant I couldn't be responsible. I was immobilized and yet completely free.

The warmup spanks with her hand were nice. She also touched my body which was wonderful. Maybe that's the "sensual domination" aspect you were referring to. When she put her hands on my body, running them over the back of my thighs, my sides, my back, neck, head, it made me feel calm and warm.

That's the "reward" part.

She started the "real" spanking with a thin paddle. She went over my cheeks and a little time was spent on my thighs. It stung a little, I was surprised that the sensation was so manageable. At one point she held up my ass cheeks to get the tender area right where my ass meets my thigh, that intensified things. It didn't feel like she had increased the force she was using, but this was starting to burn. From there, she moved on to a large leather paddle and then to a wooden paddle with holes in it.

She explained that the holes made it so that the paddle would travel through the air faster. This definitely hurt a bit. But I can't remember when this ended and the next implement started. I remember that my ass was starting to get thoroughly warm at this point.

Next came the small leather paddle. She told me that this was going to be an explanation of how safewords work. "I'm going to give you 48 swats with this, you will say yellow before I'm done, and then you'll see that it's ok to say yellow and what happens when you do so."

The pain started to really build as she got to twenty spanks. I was trying to process the pain. Reminding myself to breathe, asking myself, "How do I know that this is too much? Can I hold out a little longer, just one more thud?" At thirty-eight my ass was on fire, I said "Yellow" at forty. Mistress Violet reaffirmed that it was good for me to use the word and that we could continue.

Throughout this sequence of spankings Mistress Violet focused on my accountability list  and had me repeat certain "mantras". One was "I will not look leeringly at women".  I had to say it each time she paddled me. Or, "I will not be a lazy lover".

For sexual performance she asked me how I typically behave in bed, how long I last, how much effort I put into helping my partner achieve orgasm. I told her that I never last more than 5 minutes, I stopped going down on my wife years ago, and that I was intent only on making myself cum. She said, "when I was younger and sleeping with different people, nothing disappointed me more or made me more angry than a bad fuck." She hit me while making me repeat the mantra "I will not be a lazy and selfish lover in bed."

For professionalism she told me about how important professionalism is to her personally and how I need to get my act together. She asked me to clarify how long I'd been at my new job. She stated that they didn't have a record of me slacking so I'd better establish a good standard. She had me repeat a mantra "I will not be lazy at work" while she hit my ass.

She went through all of the items in a similar manner as she punished me. 

Along the way she also gave me homework as she was punishing me. 

1. Two orgasms for my wife before my penis is allowed inside her (no cumming inside her until at least ten minutes of sex)
2. No masturbation to completion, my pleasure doesn't matter. 
3. No laziness at work. Work a full day, everyday 
4. Avert my gaze and look downwards if I catch myself looking leeringly at women. 
5. Need to lose more weight and show muscle striations 
6. Significant improvement in my language learning 
7. Cut my nails that night

It was very exciting to be held accountable. It's really been helping me in my day-to-day life. It makes it feel like my actions count - since this arrangement started to take shape over email, I've found myself thinking "hmm, would Julie and Mistress Violet approve of me having that extra beer at the bar (when out with coworkers), would they approve of me being "too tired" to workout today, would it impress them if I chose to be lazy or impatient here?"

But as I write this, I feel guilt that I've already messed the last one up. She told me to cut my nails that night (on Thursday) but I didn't cut them until Saturday. When we were going over this point on my accountability list, she looked at my nails and asked how long I usually let them get. I responded "I shouldn't let them get longer than this." She laughed and said I had really feminine fingernails. But... I don't know, I felt pride at that.

When I got home, I guess I sort of "bratted" by not doing them, but I also didn't realize how much I liked growing my nails out a bit longer. If I wanted to keep growing them out, I should have just told her when she asked. I'm kind of kicking myself, both for not doing a straightforward thing that she told me, and for not communicating better at the time. This whole arrangement won't work unless I'm communicating openly and following through on what I'm told...

I wrote back to Kyle on this point as follows: "Regarding your fingernail length. Either cut them short like a man, or paint them properly like a woman. This in-between is not a good look. If you wish this to be your little point of defiance, then fine, but don't expect any mercy at accountability time." He responded "Thank you for the note on my nails. It's invaluable to have you in my ear, telling me how to be a man. This gets to the heart of my fantasies, being taught how to 'act like a man' while being emasculated by you and Mistress Violet, such smart, feminine women." Indeed.

As it was understood it was a first session, Mistress Violet did not go overboard. I believe that I can take it harder and hope to build towards that with her. I know what you mean, crave is a good descriptor (but I also want to be good for her and not deserve "the worst"). She made a comment that "I'll spank you as a warning, to show you how much worse it will be if you're bad." I like the idea that even if I'm good, she'll keep me in line and give me a taste of how much worse things could be. ("Like" isn't the perfect word here either).

After the scene, Violet wrote back to me regarding this point: "Yesterday was a bit of an introduction to the various types of paddles and implements. His bottom was red but we are building to something more severe once trust has been established ;)". Holy shit, Kyle. Don't discount that winky at the end. Violet is completely capable of ramping it up to an 11. Careful what you wish for. You better be PERFECT on that homework list, or I see some severe punishment in your future. ;-)

I've been having latent fantasies of an interrogation aspect to future sessions. As in, going over my accountability list and asking about my progress and then using 'enhanced interrogation techniques' to make sure that I was telling the truth about my claims of progress or that I was telling her everything I had done poorly on.

That's not a fantasy. That will be your reality, Kyle. Of course we don't believe naughty boys like you until you are put into the proper headspace for telling the truth, both to yourself and to us.

At this point she put the paddles down, and said that now she was really going to teach me a lesson about sexual performance. 

She told me she was going to take her skirt off and said she was replacing it with the strap-on. I was really nervous, I couldn't bear to look at her. I was confused for a moment when she first walked towards my face.

She took off both skirt and blouse, leaving her in a lingerie-style bodysuit. I got a glance of her nipple through her bodysuit, I averted my gaze... But not before I saw how perky her breasts are, without a bra no less. 

The dildo was purple and veiny and looked huge (I'm assuming it was smaller than it looked to me). She started by standing beside me and chastising me for my selfishness in bed. She quizzed me on how I have sex with my fiance and was not happy about what I told her. She laughed about how pathetic my effort was and really made it clear how selfish I've been, and how unacceptable it is. I'm really grateful for that, the way I've been behaving in bed doesn't reflect how much I love my wife and needs to change. Mistress Violet made me feel so small and powerless. She placed the cock on my face and taunted me with it while I answered some of her questions. It emphasized her control over me and focused me on her and her cock.

I was so confused when she walked into me with her dildo and pushed my face around with it. I wasn't conscious of her as a sexual option in the slightest, though when she shoved her cock down my throat, I looked towards the base of it and thought "wow, per pussy just be right there!" I swear I'm not a teenager.

She shoved it in my mouth and told me to suck. I did my best. I was overwhelmed almost immediately. Then she put her hand behind my head and started to fuck my face. All I wanted to do was please her and suck her cock well. She made it clear that this wasn't about my pleasure. This was about her. She said she was going to fuck my mouth and then fuck my ass. She told me to open my throat. I did my best. But my gag reflex was triggered and I tried to pull my head away while making retching sounds. Sometimes she would let me, sometimes she would hold my head on her cock. At one point when I pulled away there was a lot of drool. She encouraged me and wiped it all over my face, saying how hot it has to see me drool on her cock and have strands of saliva connecting my mouth to it. This made me feel like a million bucks. It filled me with pride to hear that I could please her, that I was pleasing her. It made me eager to continue. 

At this point she grabbed a condom and told me that I was going to roll it down her cock with my mouth. The condom slipped out of my grasp the first time, but I was able to roll it down the majority of her cock on my second attempt. I wanted to touch the base of her strap-on with my nose but I couldn't get there before my gag reflex pulled me back. I was disappointed in myself but Mistress Violet praised me, which again filled me with pride.

When she moved to my ass, she stuck her finger in me and pointed out where my prostate was. I'd never been touched there before. It felt as if I was leaking cum out of my penis for half a second, but nothing actually came out. It was a weird feeling. 

She lined her cock up with my ass, I believe this was when the pictures were taken.

 

With the pictures out of the way, she matter of factly told me that it was likely going to hurt. She pushed in a little and then pulled back. It definitely hurt. Then she thrust herself back into me. This is where I got a little scared. It felt like too much. I remembered your line to me about why you told me to spank myself and play with my ass. The pain will feel unbearable, and then it will be gone. I kept telling myself to just wait. Don't consider anything, don't say anything, don't ask for anything. Just wait. 

With a shudder of relief, the pain was over. This is when the moaning started. Thinking back, I was her little slut. I didn't even realize that I was moaning at first. Then I heard her grunting as she filled my ass and realized that I was making sounds as well. She said how this was just for her. Which made me feel all the more naughty for the pleasure I was feeling.

She took so much pleasure in taking my anal virginity, stopping her thrusts while inside me and leaning forward to ask if I'd ever been fucked with a strap-on. After finding out that she was popping my cherry, she let out her lovely laugh and told me how happy she was to take my tight little hole. She also mentioned that she was happy that I hadn't stretched it out and that it was still so tight. I love the idea that while my wife owns my cock, Mistress Violet owns my ass. 

I actually didn't realize it until after the scene when we were just talking. She said, "I liked how much you enjoyed pegging." Something clicked. Julie, I loved every second of Mistress Violet taking my ass. It was visceral. She mentioned before the session that she gets off on pegging (I think she said that at least). I couldn't see her, but it sounded like she was having a good time. Another thing that filled me with pride. Being part of her pleasure. I felt special that she was allowing me to make her feel good (possibly even please her sexually? I'm phrasing this as a question because I'm afraid of being presumptuous about this - which may seem absurd. It was just really special, ok.)

Of course she's taking sexual pleasure from you Kyle. That was the whole point.

I never would have predicted it, but getting fucked in both holes by her was a reward while also being a correction for how I fuck. She stated that even though she was the one with the cock, this was all a metaphor for my lovemaking. The way I processed it is that she can be selfish because She is Mistress Violet. As she said to me, my pleasure is not important - a phrase that really stuck with me and was helpful when I was with my wife later that night. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I needed to focus on Mistress Violet's pleasure, and in pleasing her cock, develop the focus that I need to please my wife's pussy. While my wife can't shove her pussy down my throat or up my ass, I need to bring that intensity to pleasing her.

After she pulled her cock out of my ass, she made the comment that I had pushed myself as far forward on the spanking bench as possible. I immediately tried my best to wriggle myself back into position, she had a hearty chuckle and made a comment to the effect of "Yeah, shake that ass back and forth for me." It's possible that I wasn't even impressing her at the time, but I guess I just liked being on display for her and struggling for her approval.

After she pulled out she walked away and left me restrained on the spanking bench. I remember thinking, "aww over already! That's too bad". There was a tinge of disappointment but it had been such a great experience up to that point that I couldn't complain. I also remember thinking, "I was just getting a feeling for how to take her cock" as I had *just* figured out how to push back as she thrust into me.

She came back and cleaned me off a bit and untied me. She was giving indications that the session was over. Again, I felt disappointed, but I supposed my time was up. But just before we left the discipline room, she seemed to have second thoughts. She sat on a chair and took me across her lap. She stated that this would be a reinforcement of everything that had been discussed up to this point.

From the first spank, I realized that I'd been had. She was absolutely lighting my ass up with her bare hand. She must have been going really easy on me with all of the implements that she'd used earlier. The pain was building, I inadvertently started to whine and make little cries. I started to wonder if I would actually start crying, it seemed like tears would start to form in my eyes before too long. I heard myself say, "I'm sorry." She encouraged me with another hearty laugh, "Yes, you can apologize." I continued my apologies. Throughout this, she had me over her left knee while my legs were pinned down under her right leg. She also had me give her my right hand so I was fully immobilized. All I could do was whine and say sorry, taking my punishment with no possibility of escape.

That spanking was my little gift to Kyle. We wanted him to think the session was over, and then experience this after that point. You're welcome, Kyle.

At some point, the spanking was over. She told me to stand up and put my hands on my head. She left the room and I was again aware of my surroundings. Aware that I was completely under her control. Hers to ignore or attend to as she saw fit. She came back and told me to put my nose in the corner with a nostril touching each wall. I had just read one of your books where you were in the submissive role and were told to get into the same position, so I had the feeling that you were with me - yet another excuse for me to feel warm. It was nice to be reminded of you Julie, someone who I've been aware of for many years, who has fueled so many of my fantasies. It felt as though you had put me in the corner yourself.

In some sense I had. This was a special request of mine after the OTK spanking. I wanted you to experience corner time like I do. I also requested a pic of that from Violet.

After a short amount of time she instructed me to shower. I cleaned myself off as fast as I could (while still being thorough) so that I could get back and see her as soon as possible. I rejoined her in the kitchen/lounge area. We had a lovely little talk, she was really nice and super patient with me. I asked her plenty of questions about how I should behave (I saw a twitter post once where a Pro-Domme said "your domme is not your therapist" so I just asked for clarification about how to avoid doing that). Once our talk was wrapped up, it was time for me to go but not before she pulled me in for a hug at the door. Calm washed over me. It cemented a sense that everything was ok. That I didn't have to feel bad about anything from the session, she had approved of me. 

When I got home my wife asked to see my bum, she was probably relieved that the marks were so tame. She asked me if I'd gotten what I was looking for and I told her that I had, she was happy for me. I don't plan on discussing the sessions with her in detail, our relationship works best when I'm the "man" and take the lead. She's happy to let me explore discipline and accountability with a pro domme (as long as my penis isn't pleasured and I don't fall in love) but it's really not her cup of tea to see me be submissive. She was ecstatic about how focused I was on her pleasure though. That night, we went to bed and I put some music on. It's the first time I've licked her pussy for the entirety of an album (Arctic Monkeys - AM). The first time she came, I was fingering her while she used her wand vibrator. The second time, I was cuddling her side and holding on to her breasts. She raved all night about how much she loved me and how much she appreciates me and how it wasn't just because of the sex (must've been a coincidence, I'm sure).

 Last night she came while using her wand as I fingered her, today she came while full of my cum while using her wand on herself with me holding her breasts again (I would've waited to enter her until I'd made her cum twice like Mistress Violet instructed, but my wife insisted that I get inside her and also that I cum - I'm still giving her two orgasms for each one of mine but will vary the order when required by her). The routine continued, she was suddenly full of overwhelming words of love (to be fair, we both tell each other "I love you" quite often, but this was more than that).

No reason not to lick her to another orgasm after you've cum into her, Kyle. We'll have to work on that.

So there we have it. Kyle's first experience with Mistress Violet. He's already scheduled the next. Now that Violet has a good sense of his limits, if he falls short anywhere (which will be ascertained after painful interrogation), I do not relish the severity of the punishment he is likely to receive.

Shall we make this more a group project? Any comments on appropriate consequences for Kyle next time? Do you think you would enjoy and benefit from such sessions yourself? Let us know!