Tuesday, December 6

Switching the Narrative

Recently I've been switching things up a bit, as you all know, and thought I would take a post to reflect on all this.

My blog chronicles my kinky life with husband and others. I do not often go into life outside of this, as that is not the purpose of the blog. My original purpose in starting this blog was to blurt out my feelings and experiences around this new kink my husband had introduced me to. It was done more as a way of processing my feelings and sharing my excitement. I started getting a lot of wonderful response, and it has become a two way conversation where I get as much, if not more, than what I give. It has therefore evolved into me seeking to turn on and thereby entertain my readers with my real life experiences. This, in turn, has led me to seek ever more wild outlets, because I want to keep exploring, and keep turning up the heat in the blog and in my relationship, for your sake and for ours.

But my husband and I do have a real life. You would all be very surprised at how boring it is. We both work (too hard!), and we have other family obligations. Outside of our sex play, we are equal partners. I very much admire my husband. I consider him to be kind, smart, handsome and accomplished. I absolutely adore him. It is only during sex play that we take on the roles you see in the blog. So I can well understand why you might think we are more 24x7 than I let on.

While any kind of vanilla sex was pretty hot for the first few years of our relationship, it got into a bit of a rut. By now, I consider vanilla sex to be a bit boring, and so does he. When he first introduced me to spanking him, though, it just completely lit me up, and him too.

Both our favourite is for sure DD: Domestic Discipline. Our most favourite roles are Dominant Wife and submissive hubby. For a husband and wife, those are very easy roles to slip into! We sometimes role play other power dynamics, and those are fun also, but we keep going back to the FLR roleplay.

Like most subs, he does not enjoy having to tell me what to do. And goodness knows I hate being told what to do! So we have evolved such that for the more familiar types of scenes, especially FLR, play is entirely in my hands. I control the whole scene. After a scene, then we talk. We have developed enough confidence in one another that he can honestly say what he liked and what he didn't like about a scene, and I use that to guide me for the future. When we're talking we're not role playing. It's an honest exchange, and one that I take very seriously as part of our consensual play.

Over time, I have developed a sixth sense for what he will enjoy and what he won't. In fact, I have proven to know him better than he knows himself in certain regards. My entire purpose in play is to actualize his fantasies and make it be highly rewarding and engaging for him. At the same time, I only do things that genuinely turn me on as well, so we both have fun.

Part of the fun is pushing his boundaries. Sometimes these are psychological, for instance taking him out for a good dose of public humiliation. Or humiliating him in front of a female friend I bring over. I enjoy this greatly as well. Sometimes the boundaries are more physical. for example, making him take a punishment beyond what he has taken before. I let my inner beast out. I am so cruel. It is cathartic for me. It's when we are pushing these boundaries beyond our ordinary that we can really go deep. It's when he's at his most submissive and I at my most dominant. And that's incredibly exciting for us both. He does not "enjoy" these more extreme sessions in the conventional sense, not while they're going on. He submits.

Yoga Girl on her blog FLR101 talks about a different kind of relationship. Her punishments are meant to be aversive. I think it's really important to distinguish aversive stimuli from BDSM play. What she presents is truly aversive. Designed to modify behaviour and ensure it stays modified. What I practice with my husband is BDSM play. The most aversive thing about it is my threatening to withhold it. Does that mean Yoga Girl and her husband are "wrong?" Of course not! They are "playing" as well, of course, but at an even deeper level than my husband and I. The female domination that her husband craves cannot be satisfied with the sort of play my husband and I engage in, they both desire it to be deeper than that, and that is very cool as well, just different from what my husband and I practice.

I love dominating my man the most. The thought of controlling him, humiliating him, and punishing him is truly exciting for me. That same excitement extends to the thought of doing that to other men as well, though I have not yet done that in person.

Being dominated by a man in the flesh is a turn off for me. I panic at the thought in fact. Oddly, I can engage in email exchanges with men where they take on the dominant role, and I can quite get into it and even become highly sexually excited at the thought of it. But contemplating doing it for real is still frightening for me. I have tried experimenting with my husband, the man I trust most completely in this world, and it just doesn't work out. When I am just fantasizing out a role play of man over woman, the excitement of the dominance and the submission turns me on. Often when I am dominating david we flip roles: I am the man and he the woman. I love that. So when I am fantasizing these power exchanges with the woman on the bottom, I guess I am seeing it very much along those lines. Although it is me on the bottom. When it's safely in the verbal fantasy realm it's exciting.

What I think it comes down to is energy. There is a certain aggressive male energy which legitimately scares me. I do not feel that energy while fantasizing, only during the real deal. And I also would not get it if the male was under control of the female either. In her latest post, Examples of Aversive Stimuli, Yoga Girl talks about using that male energy to create a truly aversive experience for her husband. I get it.

I do enjoy dominating a woman, but find that I want to fuck them more than spank them. While I like men above all, I definitely have a very healthy dose of bi in me as well.

Lately I have found myself to be highly turned on by being dominated by a woman. This came as a total surprise to me. I had never entertained the thought previously. I guess I lumped it in along the same lines as being dominated by a man. Imagine my surprise when it turned out very differently!

I am exceedingly happy with this development, as I now get to experience "what the big deal is" for a subby. Such delicious anticipation and surrender! The pain of the spanking needs to be there so that I can truly submit. I'm loving it.

For my next session with my Dommy Girl Tracy, she is having her husband watch. That is turning me on as well, surprisingly. I think it's just a heavier form of submission to Tracy. In this society, for a woman to be stripped in front of a male by another woman is a real surrender to her. And then to be spanked in front of him. I am even promised to be fucked with a strap-on (a first for me) while he watches. Very humiliating. Very submissive.

There has even been a suggestion of physical contact. For example, he holds me across his knee as Tracy spanks me. If I think of it as HIM holding me, and directing the action, it is panicky. If I think of it as HER ordering him to hold me down so that she can spank me better, it is a TOTAL turn on. Wow. Such a thin edge! I'm afraid to admit that the same thinking would encompass a sexual act. Being MADE by Tracy to blow her husband, her hands around my neck and on the back of my head, pushing me deeper, is an immense turn on. Being sprayed by his ejaculate, or being made to take it deep into my throat and swallow is equally as exciting. If it is HER will. The same excitement even extends to a hard fucking: pussy then ass. It is my punishment from HER. It is me submitting to HER. I am HER slave to be given like a blow-up fuck toy to whomever she pleases.

I have shared all these thought with my husband. He is not into the male cuckolding thing at all (though him being cuckolded by my lesbian lover is another matter entirely). But he is perfectly happy to allow me to experience this sort of thing with Tracy and John. He does not feel cuckolded in the least. He says that one day I'll be old and wrinkled and won't anymore have the opportunity with anybody other than him (he says he will go down on me 'til death do us part - I plan on holding him to that!). In fact, he says he would be excited to hear about me getting well-fucked by another man.

And ps, I tease him a lot about his premature ejaculation, but actually he's fine. He did have a bad time in high school which I will NEVER EVER let him live down: cumming in his pants during a petting session with a girl. Ha Ha! And while he does cum considerably faster than some other men I have known, I am not into getting my pussy banged for that long anyways, as I can't cum from that no matter how extended a banging it is. If my husband cums into my pussy before I am done, he's the one who has to eat it out regardless, cum and everything. As it is, I love how easily I can get him to the brink and then keep him there, or make him gush with a whisper touch for my girlfriend's viewing pleasure if that's what I want!

The other thing I'm thinking about is submitting to do these acts with John provided I can get Tracy into bed with david and I. Since he's been married to me he has not had any strange pussy. Imagine me sitting on his face getting licked out, while Tracy rides his cock, she and I kissing and making out.


Under those circumstances, he likely will not last nearly as long as Tracy would want (who seems to enjoy that sort of thing).


This would afford us an excellent opportunity to flip him over and whip his premie bitch ass while he sucks his spoiled condom dry.





61 comments:

  1. Hi Julie, I just finished reading your, very thought provoking post, twice actually. It is very easy to forget, especially after reading through the many arousing scenes and play times you describe, that you and David due have a life outside of this blog.

    You say that your lives are in actual fact boring, and that may well be. If boring is based on having jobs, working too hard, having family commitments etc. then I guess we can all say we have a boring life, and we probably do.

    I think David’s and your lives are far from boring, and I’m not referring to all the D/d and BDSM scenes you have played out over the years. What I’m referring to is the solid relationship that you have just described. After all the scenes and play by play descriptions it is gratifying to know that you and David have a rock solid foundation.

    The respect you have for each other when you are not playing out a scene, the ability to talk about what works and what didn’t, the confidence to allow each other to explore other facets of your sexuality and relationships, and the underlying reason for doing any of this, to please each other. To me that’s exciting!

    So I think your lives are more exciting than you might think, I feel there’s a lot more couples that wished they could have something similar.

    Now I’m not the most articulate person world, and I often have a lot of thoughts bouncing around that never make it to the fingertips, so what I’ve just said may not have made a whole lot of sense, but I hope it did.

    P.S. Thank you for your blog and for letting us all share in this one small facet of yours and David’s life.

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    1. Thank you for the lovely comment, hattie.
      Yes, you are right, we are very fortunate to have each other as companions through life!

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  2. Very well written blog post. Looking forward to reading about what eventuates.

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    1. What eventually eventuates?
      Next week I am hoping!

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  3. Julie what a wonderful post. A look behind the scene. We all have the vanilla life the public sees then the life we share when alone or with very, very close friends. David like me needs to be dominated. The feeling when we are submissive is so deep and needed. You have a wonderful post and am waiting for play time with Tracy and her hubby, and I do know where you are coming from when you say if it's his idea it's a turn off...If it's Tracy's then a turn on as it puts you deeper into submission.
    archedone

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    1. I am nervous and super excited. Again! Crazy...

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  4. I really enjoy a good dose of reality blended into the kinkiness we live for real. And when admissions are made as to the actual mechanics of a particular relationship I enjoy seeing the diversity in how we put our kinks into practice. You play at FLR, for others it's more serious and practical DD with little kink, and for others like me & Rosa, it's a genuine blend of both. And the best part is that no one is "doing it wrong ".

    What I wish I could hear more of is others moving beyond whatever is holding them back from living the way they want.

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    1. Well said! People's insecurities are what do it. I am counseling a husband and wife now. They just need to be sure of themselves and communicate.

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  5. Strict Julie,

    Thank you for your thoughtful and very personal post. I'm so glad that you have found a way that works for you and david, and that you share it with us. And to hear that your blog has become a conversation that you enjoy, that's downright heartwarming. This is a change from my usual reaction to your writing, which is more groin-warming. :) Especially when you details about your desires for Tracy, and what it might lead to. Nice pics, as always.

    Yes, I got aroused reading your post and responding, and I have been stroking myself. But no, I will not be ejaculating today. Thank you also for introducing me to Yoga Girl's blog.

    Namaste.

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  6. Ms julie, HATTRICK is spot on! You and David have a beautiful relationship based on love, caring, trust, and communication...That's absolutely wonderful! I'm sure there are the mundane and difficult times, but they don't outweigh the amazing times between you two! Congratulations on the work you both put into your relationship and certainly on the benefits that you reap!

    Now back to being a Ms Julie submissive and daydreaming about you spread open having your pussy spanked on full display! And the fantasy of being there to tend to and serve you after! :)

    Respectfully,
    doc

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    1. Yes, puss would want a nice soothing licking after such a spanking!

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    2. Ms Julie, I would be the most obedient and attentive subby! :)

      Respectfully,
      doc

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  7. Thank you Julie for the post as well as the blog generally. One question about your bi side- have you discussed this with your sister? i recall she is gay, and i wonder whether you've verbalized your attraction, and submissiveness, to other women?

    or perhaps she reads the blog?

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    1. She does not read the blog (she would let me know if she ever found it!).

      No. I have not shared any of this bi stuff or this submissive stuff with her. I don't know. It would be like I was coming onto her? Ewww! Maybe I should? (talk! not come on!)

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    2. not come on, maybe come out? you're family after all, and have shared much in the past, including David.

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  8. Ms StrictJulie

    Very nicely stated. Irene and I have much the same relationship, although it's all strictly between us if you don't count our role playing.

    I love the drawing and photo - the reverse cowgirl cunnlingus is my favorite position. Adding another woman fucking me at the same time would probably cause an immediate ejaculation. (I pretty much always lick Irene's pussy before intercourse, in part so I don't worry about how long I last. But she tends to want it right after she comes.)

    Sincerely,

    Rosco

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    1. I don't know if she wants it right after she cums, or wants to just lay there and relax and get it over with.

      You should reassure her that you are perfectly happy giving her an orgasm with your mouth after you have cum into her. That it would excite you, in fact. She probably thinks you lose interest right after you cum.

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  9. Agree with all the previous comments. For me, probably your "best" post because it provided real insight into the person behind the blog. Thanks so much for sharing your personal journey & exploration of the life you live.

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    1. Don't get me wrong. That last section was a totally titillating turn-on! Don't stop doing those posts as well.

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    2. Yes, I love turning on a dime from thoughtful Julie to Disgusting Whore Julie!

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  10. I like that you delineate between play and couples that may live it. My husband and I played and experimented in the past and it helped us to explore all these innate built in triggers as to what clicks for arousal and what doesn't. I then stumbled on to semen retention through my yoga and Qigong practice and everything clicked and bang, what turned out to be a trial period has evolved into over a year of 24/7 lifestyle. It was so easy to slip into. Our relationship is in flux as to the level of his submission. The rudder that continually guides our ship is that he practices semen retention, and I set his ejaculation schedule ...and of course almost daily intercourse.

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    1. Sounds like the "basecoat" is the real life semen retention and aversive punishments, and then you sometimes apply more of a "playcoat" of BDSM fun?

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    2. It's probably about 99% basecoat and 1% playcoat.

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  11. Thank you for writing this post

    -Eve

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    1. My please, Eve. I think it's good to put my play into context every now and then. I firmly believe many needy men would be very satisfied with high quality play: getting their fix every now and then as opposed to perhaps even a purported desire for 24x7.

      Delete
  12. One of the things that always drew me to your writings was your writing ability. Your last post is indicative of your skill. Well said.

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  13. Just wanted to say thank you Ms. Julie for your wonderful blog. I've been reading only for a few weeks but enjoy it so much and look forward to checking it out every day. Your writing style is so sweet- it flows smoothly between subtle descriptions/thoughts/emotions and in-your-face erotic hotness! And always you let us see the affection between you and David.
    vic

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  14. Julie,

    Great post I really enjoyed reading it. As a fellow blogger I can certainly relate to how readers can get the wrong idea while reading a blog. And that is they sometimes tend to see a blog as your life 24/7. Nothing could be further from the truth.

    As you know I use spanking as discipline and in that sense ours is a FLR. But that is such a fractional part of our life certainly not a full time thing. As you put it Bob and I are equals as husband and wife. And it's that way 99.9% of the time. He asked me to help him make some real changes in areas in his life and asked me to do it through discipline. I finally oblidged though it took several years. I wasn't sure it would work knowing that spanking was a turn on for him. And admittingly it didn't work at first. I noticed he did things trying to get spankings.

    I finally came up with a way or actually you helped me think of a way with your post about a good boy spanking. But I decided to give him a spanking when he asked for one or just felt the need. He's in control and tops from the bottom in these to live out whatever fantasy he's wanting to experience. My only role is to spank how he wants I don't need or want to know his fantasy. This protects my feelings from being hurt.

    But bottom line is these give him an outlet for his sexual feelings about spanking. So when I see a need to teach him a lesson in an area we've agreed he needs to make changes it's effective. Emotionally he knows it's serious and I'm truly upset at him. Rather than argue and be mad for days I use discipline. He feels better like he's atoned for his mistake and I feel better releasing my frustration with him. I've seen the changes in him as well as a dramatic drop in discipline spankings. So for us it works. These only happen about 3-4 times a year now so again very small part of our life.

    The rest of the time it's just a normal boring as you put it relationship.

    Again great post and thanks for writing it !!

    Dianne

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    1. Thank you, Dianne. It's interesting how you take pains to avoid his fantasies. I love ripping my guys' fantasies apart and into shreds!!! Really owning them and him.

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    2. It's the only way I could think of to deal with both situations the fantasies and the real infractions and have them both be effective. But occasionally the two cross as you know from some of your recent post and our email exchanges.

      Dianne

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  15. Everyone has to figure out what works for them in these non-traditional relationships. Julie, you describe many of your encounters as "scenes." That wouldn't work for us. We both agreed going into DD that it had to be "real" (hurts like hell) spankings for real bad behavior. For us, thinking of it as a scene would be counterproductive. But, that's because what we are doing is more about DD and not really about BDSM. For others, it's the opposite. Or, something in between. I've gotten into dozens of philosophical debates on my blog about whether something is "really" DD or whether DD is "really" just some subset of BDSM, etc. In the end, I think it really comes down to motive, i.e. why are you doing it? If it is to change behavior or to make him feel accountable or to let her get some vindication where his bad behavior is concerned, then you are closer to the DD end of the spectrum. If it is more about sexual gratification, then you are probably closer to the BDSM end. And, FLR seems to potentially have a foot in both camps, with one being a more controlling and pervasive kind of DD and the other being some kind of FemDom.

    But, there aren't any hard-wired rules or definitions, and it's whatever works for each couple.

    On the whole cuckholding thing, I will say that I think that can be playing with fire. Lots of relationships seem to be able to successfully navigate introducing a girl into things for a three-some in which the novelty is girl-on-girl for the wife. I have, however, in all honesty not seen a lot of long-term relationships in which another man was introduced in to have sex with the wife, whether in the context of swinging, three-somes, etc. The green-eyed jealousy monster always seems to raise its ugly head. I remember a friend of mine who got into swinging years ago tell me about how his divorce resulted from the difference between fantasizing about watching his wife get banged by another guy versus seeing it actually happen. But, again, whatever works for you. Not judging. Just voicing a word of caution.

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    1. Thanks dan,

      My husband is not going to see me getting banged, only hear about it ;-) And no, I know my man. If he says I should go for something and he is fine with it, then he definitely is fine with it. His only condition is that I need to tell him every little detail! Though I am still not sure if I want to.

      I don't think the terms DD or BDSM have much of a meaning, and I won't be boxed by a word anyways.

      What my husband and I mostly do is roleplaying a strict dominant wife and a submissive husband, but it for sure blurs into real life as I can start a scene at my discretion and without warning, and he always goes along.

      Delete
    2. You are amazing! You write like a dream. You are witty. sexy. playful. creative. and more. wow:))))))))))))

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  16. Very well written like all of your blog posts! At first For me I just wanted to be put over a knee & Spanked. Then one of my Spankers hand just rubbed my genitals, I nearly jumped off her knee but she held me in place & she says that it's a power trip for her to make me orgasm while over her knee!

    Just be careful with all that your planning on doing & do please keep all of readers like myself informed!

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    1. Yes, it is a power trip to make somebody cum, especially during any kind of power play where you extend it and make them beg for it!

      For me, the most embarrassing thing i can think of is being being fully nude and being brought to the brink of an orgasm by a clothed Tracy, while her husband looks on. And then being denied and being forced by Tracy to beg for it in front of him, and then cumming while they laugh at me...

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    2. I love seeing (no, making) women orgasm! Vaginally with penis, or orally with my tongue, or just with my fingers. All react differently. Always gives me a "Look what I did!!" feeling.

      A.J.

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  17. Well MIss Julie aka Julia
    hope me calling you Juila doesnt get me spanked lol

    want say you and david have awesome marriage realontionship and both happy in what you do all matter you agreeing to spank him when he ask has given you new idea to do in bedroom and out of bedroom i know how busy life can get iam sure your both not only ones

    sometime i wonder if david wasnt marry to you would he had ask another female to spank him that he marry too To me i think a man that want be spanked or dominate by wife or girlfriend there something about the wife or girlfriend that make them want ask them to punish them then some female agree to do it but to make it truely work the female has have some intrested in it too

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    1. Just lucky I guess.

      And you can call me anything so long as you don't call me late for supper!

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    2. Thanks you Miss Julie Mrs Julie Miss Julia i would never call you later for supper or anything

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  18. So beautifully written - and like all your posts - a turn on at the same time. Thank you for sharing your so well articulated thoughts and colorfully descriptive activities. TL

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  19. I knew that!!!

    Something I once read and then saved:

    "(David) and I are not really engaged in an FLR. We only roleplay that we are, ...we really are equals. I know, you wouldn't know it from my blog, but that's actually the way it is." - You, July 6, 2016.

    What I most liked in either that or another post was that after you and David play - you talk. A lot.

    Someone I know who could be called an expert in this area once said, “On some level people who practice D&S end up having much healthier conversation than people in vanilla relationships because they’re so skilled at constantly TALKING about what they want, what their limits are, and what those things are for their partners.”

    What I interpret as 'healthier conversations lead to healthier relationships'.

    A.J.

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  20. Dear Julie,
    Nothing more to say than that you are truly a beautiful woman. I read every word you write for that window into your magnificence.

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  21. I am thinking the Narrative isnt the ONLY thing that would do with a good Switching !!

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  22. Ever read Sex With Shakespeare?
    Always
    Ron

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