Switching the Narrative

Recently I've been switching things up a bit, as you all know, and thought I would take a post to reflect on all this.

My blog chronicles my kinky life with husband and others. I do not often go into life outside of this, as that is not the purpose of the blog. My original purpose in starting this blog was to blurt out my feelings and experiences around this new kink my husband had introduced me to. It was done more as a way of processing my feelings and sharing my excitement. I started getting a lot of wonderful response, and it has become a two way conversation where I get as much, if not more, than what I give. It has therefore evolved into me seeking to turn on and thereby entertain my readers with my real life experiences. This, in turn, has led me to seek ever more wild outlets, because I want to keep exploring, and keep turning up the heat in the blog and in my relationship, for your sake and for ours.

But my husband and I do have a real life. You would all be very surprised at how boring it is. We both work (too hard!), and we have other family obligations. Outside of our sex play, we are equal partners. I very much admire my husband. I consider him to be kind, smart, handsome and accomplished. I absolutely adore him. It is only during sex play that we take on the roles you see in the blog. So I can well understand why you might think we are more 24x7 than I let on.

While any kind of vanilla sex was pretty hot for the first few years of our relationship, it got into a bit of a rut. By now, I consider vanilla sex to be a bit boring, and so does he. When he first introduced me to spanking him, though, it just completely lit me up, and him too.

Both our favourite is for sure DD: Domestic Discipline. Our most favourite roles are Dominant Wife and submissive hubby. For a husband and wife, those are very easy roles to slip into! We sometimes role play other power dynamics, and those are fun also, but we keep going back to the FLR roleplay.

Like most subs, he does not enjoy having to tell me what to do. And goodness knows I hate being told what to do! So we have evolved such that for the more familiar types of scenes, especially FLR, play is entirely in my hands. I control the whole scene. After a scene, then we talk. We have developed enough confidence in one another that he can honestly say what he liked and what he didn't like about a scene, and I use that to guide me for the future. When we're talking we're not role playing. It's an honest exchange, and one that I take very seriously as part of our consensual play.

Over time, I have developed a sixth sense for what he will enjoy and what he won't. In fact, I have proven to know him better than he knows himself in certain regards. My entire purpose in play is to actualize his fantasies and make it be highly rewarding and engaging for him. At the same time, I only do things that genuinely turn me on as well, so we both have fun.

Part of the fun is pushing his boundaries. Sometimes these are psychological, for instance taking him out for a good dose of public humiliation. Or humiliating him in front of a female friend I bring over. I enjoy this greatly as well. Sometimes the boundaries are more physical. for example, making him take a punishment beyond what he has taken before. I let my inner beast out. I am so cruel. It is cathartic for me. It's when we are pushing these boundaries beyond our ordinary that we can really go deep. It's when he's at his most submissive and I at my most dominant. And that's incredibly exciting for us both. He does not "enjoy" these more extreme sessions in the conventional sense, not while they're going on. He submits.

Yoga Girl on her blog FLR101 talks about a different kind of relationship. Her punishments are meant to be aversive. I think it's really important to distinguish aversive stimuli from BDSM play. What she presents is truly aversive. Designed to modify behaviour and ensure it stays modified. What I practice with my husband is BDSM play. The most aversive thing about it is my threatening to withhold it. Does that mean Yoga Girl and her husband are "wrong?" Of course not! They are "playing" as well, of course, but at an even deeper level than my husband and I. The female domination that her husband craves cannot be satisfied with the sort of play my husband and I engage in, they both desire it to be deeper than that, and that is very cool as well, just different from what my husband and I practice.

I love dominating my man the most. The thought of controlling him, humiliating him, and punishing him is truly exciting for me. That same excitement extends to the thought of doing that to other men as well, though I have not yet done that in person.

Being dominated by a man in the flesh is a turn off for me. I panic at the thought in fact. Oddly, I can engage in email exchanges with men where they take on the dominant role, and I can quite get into it and even become highly sexually excited at the thought of it. But contemplating doing it for real is still frightening for me. I have tried experimenting with my husband, the man I trust most completely in this world, and it just doesn't work out. When I am just fantasizing out a role play of man over woman, the excitement of the dominance and the submission turns me on. Often when I am dominating david we flip roles: I am the man and he the woman. I love that. So when I am fantasizing these power exchanges with the woman on the bottom, I guess I am seeing it very much along those lines. Although it is me on the bottom. When it's safely in the verbal fantasy realm it's exciting.

What I think it comes down to is energy. There is a certain aggressive male energy which legitimately scares me. I do not feel that energy while fantasizing, only during the real deal. And I also would not get it if the male was under control of the female either. In her latest post, Examples of Aversive Stimuli, Yoga Girl talks about using that male energy to create a truly aversive experience for her husband. I get it.

I do enjoy dominating a woman, but find that I want to fuck them more than spank them. While I like men above all, I definitely have a very healthy dose of bi in me as well.

Lately I have found myself to be highly turned on by being dominated by a woman. This came as a total surprise to me. I had never entertained the thought previously. I guess I lumped it in along the same lines as being dominated by a man. Imagine my surprise when it turned out very differently!

I am exceedingly happy with this development, as I now get to experience "what the big deal is" for a subby. Such delicious anticipation and surrender! The pain of the spanking needs to be there so that I can truly submit. I'm loving it.

For my next session with my Dommy Girl Tracy, she is having her husband watch. That is turning me on as well, surprisingly. I think it's just a heavier form of submission to Tracy. In this society, for a woman to be stripped in front of a male by another woman is a real surrender to her. And then to be spanked in front of him. I am even promised to be fucked with a strap-on (a first for me) while he watches. Very humiliating. Very submissive.

There has even been a suggestion of physical contact. For example, he holds me across his knee as Tracy spanks me. If I think of it as HIM holding me, and directing the action, it is panicky. If I think of it as HER ordering him to hold me down so that she can spank me better, it is a TOTAL turn on. Wow. Such a thin edge! I'm afraid to admit that the same thinking would encompass a sexual act. Being MADE by Tracy to blow her husband, her hands around my neck and on the back of my head, pushing me deeper, is an immense turn on. Being sprayed by his ejaculate, or being made to take it deep into my throat and swallow is equally as exciting. If it is HER will. The same excitement even extends to a hard fucking: pussy then ass. It is my punishment from HER. It is me submitting to HER. I am HER slave to be given like a blow-up fuck toy to whomever she pleases.

I have shared all these thought with my husband. He is not into the male cuckolding thing at all (though him being cuckolded by my lesbian lover is another matter entirely). But he is perfectly happy to allow me to experience this sort of thing with Tracy and John. He does not feel cuckolded in the least. He says that one day I'll be old and wrinkled and won't anymore have the opportunity with anybody other than him (he says he will go down on me 'til death do us part - I plan on holding him to that!). In fact, he says he would be excited to hear about me getting well-fucked by another man.

And ps, I tease him a lot about his premature ejaculation, but actually he's fine. He did have a bad time in high school which I will NEVER EVER let him live down: cumming in his pants during a petting session with a girl. Ha Ha! And while he does cum considerably faster than some other men I have known, I am not into getting my pussy banged for that long anyways, as I can't cum from that no matter how extended a banging it is. If my husband cums into my pussy before I am done, he's the one who has to eat it out regardless, cum and everything. As it is, I love how easily I can get him to the brink and then keep him there, or make him gush with a whisper touch for my girlfriend's viewing pleasure if that's what I want!

The other thing I'm thinking about is submitting to do these acts with John provided I can get Tracy into bed with david and I. Since he's been married to me he has not had any strange pussy. Imagine me sitting on his face getting licked out, while Tracy rides his cock, she and I kissing and making out.

Under those circumstances, he likely will not last nearly as long as Tracy would want (who seems to enjoy that sort of thing).

This would afford us an excellent opportunity to flip him over and whip his premie bitch ass while he sucks his spoiled condom dry.