She was slim and pretty in a nerdish way. Plain clothes, no makeup, glasses, awkward physically, petite, not toned. He was likewise, but much bigger all around. I was frankly surprised that this awkward and hyper-nerdy boy had found such a catch.
She was clearly enjoying her budding sexuality, and comfortable with it. She talked about sex toys without embarrassment. And she talked about them having sex together. She seemed to be really enjoying this part of the relationship. He blushed and seemed embarrassed by this talk, but at the same time eager like a puppy dog.
My husband and I watched their interaction, and we cringed a bit. Neither of them seemed sure of their place with respect to one another. For example, they had a small disagreement abut something trivial, and they fought a bit. But not a play fight. It was a small contest of wills. It did not bode well for the relationship. I hope they work this out.
The boy was unsure of himself. He was new to this "girl" thing, despite being in his early twenties. This was his first girlfriend, and more than likely his first sexual experience, and most of their time together had been online from different countries (US and Canada).
He didn't know how to act. Was he expected to be "in control"? To act "macho" towards her? To always "win" the arguments? But nor would she back down from him.
It was very clear to me and my husband...
We truly beleive this is the natural order of things.
Going back to the cave, there is this image that the males make the rules because they can impose their physical will on the females. I could be wrong, but I actually doubt this was ever the case. Did not the females always have male protectors? Fathers, brothers, other males seeking her favour? If a male not chosen by the female started throwing his weight around, I can bet he was taken to task with a good beating by her protectors. I suppose the powerful alpha male was the exception. He could have any pussy he wanted. But outside of that?
It is the natural right of the female to choose her sexual partner. In this case, my nephew was clearly chosen by this girl. Did he not see that? She could just as easily withdraw her partnership at any time, and replace it with dozens of others at a whim. Boys fool themselves if they think otherwise. Witness online dating sights where the girls are flooded with attention and there is none for the boys. Or a YouTube social experiment where an attractive boy asks 100 girls for sex and is turned down 100 times, whereas an attractive girl asks for sex 100 times and is taken up on it 99 times.
david should really talk to this boy. He needs straightening out. A truly secure male will appreciate the gift he is being granted, and will act accordingly. He will defer to his woman in public and in private. Within the relationship, she is in charge. He can use his size and his muscles (both actually and metaphorically) to ward off external threats to the pair. But within the relationship, she is Queen.
There is nothing more heart warming than to see a whim of a woman acted upon instantly by the male in the relationship.
"david, why don't you pour a drink for our guests?"
"Yes sweetie! Right away!"
This is the same man that if I was threatened in the street would beat the living crap out of the aggressor.
Is that not as it should be?
This boy needs to defer to his girl, in public and in the bedroom. For example, if she wants her pussy licked, will he not lick it? He had better, or he may find himself replaced.
She has the pussy. She makes the rules.
No Argument here!! I whole heartily agree!
ReplyDeletestevie
Mmmmmm
DeleteHi Julie - what a nice thought - She makes the rules - not only for personal relationships but also for the world. I truly believe the world will become a better place when this comes true. Hope we move closer to this ideal in 2017.
ReplyDeletevic
Already true for some of us!
DeleteIt is the order of things. That's why men have to be careful to find a woman who exercises that power with kindness, love, and compassion.
ReplyDeleteIt takes some doing.
James
Indeed!
DeleteSorry, but much as I've followed your blog for sexual thrills (male switch here), the LAST THING your Nephew needs is horrid advice such as the above.
ReplyDeleteA lifetime of experience (45 years) has taught me that most females are not Julie - they very much do NOT respect men who always kiss their ass or back down. And many a man could tell you stories of marriages sexless for 2, 4, even 8 years kept together due to children or habit more than any passion or shared goals or even a shared bed. Ask yourself this, Julie, for I've seen it wreck more than one marriage even though the guy did everything she said she wanted : Do you feel contempt for David? When do you ever desire penetrative or reproductively viable sex from him? Because while you mostly talk nicely about your husband (and that is a good sign, many a 'femdom' blog has went the other way)you still at times seem very dismissive of his sex drive or the fact that he occupies (even in FLM relationship a husband is a husband, not a boyfriend) a very important part of your social and sexual life.
Anyway, if your nephew starts behaving like a wimp and never stands up for himself watch her attraction for him fade. Now maybe you will be lucky and she will be 'natural' femdom like you seem to be (or purport yourself to be on this blog), but more likely she's a normal women and when she sees she can walk all over him, her sexual attraction. Maybe you are ok with this: apparently men have to all be like your husband or you think we all can be trained that way. You are wrong, and I no more support gynocentricism than I do androcentricism. There is a human nature and the traits of most women and most men are almost the exact opposite of what you relationship has become. And I know that scares the crap out of your feminists, which is why you constantly have to expand the definition of sex crimes and domestic violence (I was taught to hit a pillow not your partner, 25 years later that's considered 'abuse') in order for Big Daddy Government (how Patriarchal!) to prop you up. I'd stay out of their relationship and don't be surprised if they are still together 5 years from now.
Clarence
I don't think men need to behave like wimps. It's like a Colonel in the army is no wimp, but he does what the General tells him to!
DeleteShawn, this male believes women need to take the upper hand, long overdue. My mother-in-law was the first adult spanking I ever received. Visiting, came in very late, drunk, next morning pulled me from bed, in no time pj's on floor and I was over her lap naked, soon kicking, squirming, pleading. She spanked my bottom all the way to the kitchen, my wife picked up the hairbrush and once I got off her lap and danced around, I was told to face the wall. From that day on, this male feels a woman's lap is there for a reason, I have layed across my wife lap and even my mother-in-lap, my bare bottom soon stinging, red, warm and I promise to behave.
ReplyDeleteYour bottom warming warms my heart!
DeleteThe anthropologists and sociologists actually have quite a different theory of what happened, Now after the 1800's things started changing dramatically, but before that, let's go back oh say......70,000 years or so, after the big asteroid hit where is now the gulf of mexico, The planet was plunged into an ice age and it is thought that humans were down to 1000 breeding pairs -we think this because of something called mitochondrial variation which they sort of tracked in reverse as a way to trace our long term shared ancestry ( I'm kind of winging it here, so don't be surprised if an actual scientist steps in and tidies this all up a bit) So anyway in order to repopulate the planet it became quite natural for women to have children from more than one male ( sabertoth tigers and tar pits etc) and for males to naturally want to mate with all of the women they could. Furthermore, these very small groups were usually only a couple of families tiny little clans so the females were traded or married into the new clan -ie. no protector in the new clan short of who she was more or less wedded to -so the idea that a daughter spent her life in the direct sight of her father or brothers and uncles is not really how it could have worked due to the high mortality rate and the low population and life expectancy,
ReplyDeleteThen according to the sociologists there is something called the natural nursing theory -it's been a long time since SOC 101 but more or less because women had the babies and stayed home in the cave, the men hunted for the food which gave them access to the weapons and all the other nonsense that goes along with weapons and patriarchy
So the reason that modern alternative lifestyles are provocative is because they are in fact alternative to the traditions, if they weren't ,then it would just be traditional and this blog would just be an ordinary R rated blog -when in fact it is an extraordinary provocative exciting blog! Sorry for all the pseudo science and hopefully no sociologists . anthropologists or scientific theories,were harmed in its posting.
You make some very good points there. Although I suspect there were hen-pecked husbands and dominant wives for quite some time!
DeleteAnonymous: I'm not a scientist, but I'm going to do some tidying up of your narrative, anyway.
DeleteThe asteroid off the coast of Mexico was 63 million years ago, not 70,000. There were no humans then, nor any primates of any kind.
Scientific understanding of early human societies has advanced a good deal since your college Sociology course. I suggest you read "Sex at Dawn", by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. It draws on a good deal of more recent research. To summarize, modern humans evolved about 200,000 years ago, and we have changed very little biologically in that time. For the great majority of human existence, our ancestors were hunter-gatherers. The small, nomadic bands you mention. When researchers have found still-surviving hunter-gatherer societies, they have generally found matriarchal societies, with mate selection controlled by the females. Women might have multiple men in their lives--one or more for sex, another to raise the children, for instance. Then about 10,000 years ago our ancestors developed agriculture. With agriculture came substantial property--land, herds, tools. The need to protect property led to the rise of patriarchy, with all its ills.
We evolved to live in matriarchal societies, and only recently switched over to patriarchal societies. I believe it is entirely natural for women to control sex, and by extension much of social life. It's how our ancestors lived for 190,000 years, and we are biologically the same as them.
The femdom narrative is alternative only to the relatively recent tradition of patriarchy. It is in full alignment with the matriarchal tradition that held sway for 95% of the time people have existed. It resonates because it calls us back to our natural state.
I KNEW that (deep inside my genes!)
DeleteIn what context did you start talking about sex toys with your newphew and his new girlfriend? That's a new topic for the family Christmas table.
ReplyDeleteRegarding relationships, I believe both partners need to respect one another as individuals and be able to stand on there own outside of the relationship (have their own identity, their own friends and interests). If one doesn't respect the other or is too dependent/control then I don't think the relationship will work and stay health for long. But even when they see each other as equals one will normal take more of a "leader" (or Dom) role, that's how most relationships be they romantic or other wise tend to work, and who's the more dominant can change over time and in different parts the relationship.
I hope your newphew and his new special friend gets to see more of each other in person and settle themselves into a comfortable dynamic. And maybe they might appreciate some word of from Aunty Julie and her experience of a less conventional lifestyle (even if she's holding a hairbrush at the time and using it to highlight some of her points)
-Eve
The sex toys came up in context of her grandmother discovering some in her room that led to a fight!
DeleteI agree completely about being their own people. But when together, and they disagree over small things, they should know which one rules the roost.
For the nerdish girl, what david should tell to his nephew is that he should made his GF wear skirt so that she is aware of her very bare and very accessible thighs. Some stinging slaps when she is too bratty would make her less tiring.
ReplyDeleteAs for the caves, the prehistoric studies show that men did'nt live in caves and organized themselves to manage the group of females, and that alpha male organized the hierachy of men. Never the females could federate the men around her and if this happened, it was an exception.
Finally, everyone knows that the observe of "I have the pussy I make the rules" is (why We?) "We have the dick we fuck the rules" or "I crave for a loving dick who will fuck my soaking wet rules"
You men can rant and rave all you want. You know who's in charge...
DeleteMmmmm...! Ca sent la fessée déculottée devant tout le monde!
DeleteI've got an idea. How about if we all treat each other as human beings? All individual, each with unique tastes, needs and desires. What works for one may be completely wrong for another. Start with respect for all. Some will not deserve it. Discard them. Some will just not work out for you. Wish them well. A select few may make a good match for you. Pick one of those, and work hard every day to make that special relationship last. Love is a feeling, but love that lasts takes consistent effort. That's the advice I would give to anyone trying to figure things out in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Everyone!
And very good advice too!
DeleteBut you also better mind your woman...
This boy needs direction. Being awkward, he doesn't know how to handle this new world he's found himself in. The female does not sound in the least submissive so I'm sure will enjoy taking the upper hand. The boy will also be happier when he has been given guidance to accept the female authority. Not to say that they shouldn't debate, but that ultimately he should accept her will. Kim x
ReplyDeleteI so agree! Maybe it's just their dynamic I'm thinking about. I ought not perhaps to generalize.
DeleteWhile I believe women deserve a lot more authority. I don't believe every woman should make the rules. Each person is wired differently. I believe in a mutual relationship and mutual respect. I'll put a woman in her place when wrong but I also would be OK having her put me in my place if needed. Make sense?
ReplyDeleteI'm talking about a natural authority in the home. The sort of authority a mother has over her children. The sexes are NOT completely equal in this regard. Were it not for the women, where would you men be?
DeleteThat is true. And where would the men be well we'd be childless and not having to deal with naughty girls like you JK lol
DeleteAnd severely lacking the spankings you know you need...
DeleteThis sounds like a sincere attempt to make a case for gender inequality, so I'll respond to it as such. I'm highly attracted to a powerful female who can rule the roost, so to speak, and who has the sexual inclination to want to dominate her partner, to embarrass and emasculate him in erotically charged ways. However, if I submit, I do so because she's also doing it for me, not merely to satisfy herself. She doesn't make any rule that I don't agree to, so she isn't making them, in a unilateral sense. I love her sexual power, but I'm not a slave to it. She must respect me as I respect her, or the relationship won't work. I'm not going to try to validate this based on how cavemen might have felt, but in my experience, most men and women I know value a certain level of equality that isn't reflective of the sexual games we like to play.
ReplyDeleteI agree... to a point.
DeleteThere remains after all of that is said and done, the natural authority of a woman in her home.
The authority a woman has in our home, hypothetically, is what I choose to live with. Her adopting of a parental-type authority turns me on, and her kinky and loving implementation of it is what makes her a more powerful and attractive person to me. So, for me, her authority is real. The difference is that I don't accept it as natural or inevitable. I know I live in a culture where men and women are free to choose what works for them, and I can see clearly that there is diversity. Many men assume the dominant position in a relationship that was considered conventional when I was a child, and many more women now are the dominant partner but, in most cases, neither partner appears to have what could be considered more authority than the other.
DeleteThe relationship you and your husband have, as has been presented here on your blog, is one that I have not only enjoyed reading about, but also respect. I feel that you're an authority figure, not because you're a female, but because you're the person you are. I certainly don't feel that way about just any female. For some of us males, it's exciting that you embrace authority as you do.
My husband and I consider ourselves to be equals. In the "bedroom" we enjoy that I dominate. But in the home... there's a saying, "the man is the head of the house, the woman is the neck." (the neck can turn the head anywhere it pleases).
DeleteMaybe you should have talk with his girlfriend get know her better on personal level ask her how she feel about spanking. if want be spanker top or spankee bottom
ReplyDeleteask her if she would spank your nephew dont have mention your blog or what you and david does together
I would like to take her aside and have that conversation!
Deletethat be good conversation if ask me you can teach her alot spanking and beyond
DeleteMs Julie, beyond even the sexual and arousal factor of a FLR, and that I so readily fantasize about, I believe this is truly the way relationships should be!! With varying degrees depending on the couple.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck to your nephew in figuring this out!
Respectfully,
doc
Yes. I can't imagine a man doing a competent job running a home without his woman's guidance ;-)
DeleteWow, Talk about a real slap in the face to all the very COMPETENT single dads out there who are coping very nicely at running there woman less households!!
DeleteYour statement is way too broad! :-(
Yes, provocatively (and quite incorrectly) broad.
DeletePenance?
I would suggest a 10 minute time out (naked of course) followed by a good hard otk hand spanking followed by an anal pegging (dildo or real your choice) finished up with another timeout!
DeleteToo much or challenge accepted? ;-)
p.s.: verification would also be nice but not part of the penance
I told you you asked for it! Back to feel more dominant ? Really ?
DeleteIt's self-imposed penance, not punishment. I might be willing to offer david a sexual favour of some sort, that he would usually be denied, and pretend to enjoy it...
DeleteI had fully intended to just let this ride but then something got the better of me.
DeleteDictionary .com defines penance as follows:
noun
1.
a punishment undergone in token of penitence for sin.
2.
a penitential discipline imposed by church authority.
Miriam-Webster defines it as;
1 : an act of self-abasement, mortification, or devotion performed to show sorrow or repentance for sin
2 : a sacramental rite that is practiced in Roman, Eastern, and some Anglican churches and that consists of private confession, absolution, and a penance directed by the confessor
3 : something (as a hardship or penalty) resembling an act of penance (as in compensating for an offense)
Oxford also has similar descriptions but refers to it as punishment inflicted on ones self.
Therefore a penance is a punishment. Furthermore as in the church a penance is usually prescribed by someone other than the person performing the penance.
However, it is your blog and therefore your rules! ;-)
The sense in which it was meant (from the above) is "token" and "self-imposed" and "self-abasement"! ;-)
DeleteAlright fair enough!
DeleteSo out of curiosity what will your "token", "self-imposed", "self-abased" penance be? Assuming that it is intended to do one! ;-)
I am not a stakeholder but may i suggest a plate of cooked peas
DeletePeas are yummy!
DeleteYou said peas are yucky ("I hated cooked peas (still do)"). Are you the same Julie ?
DeleteI always say that when facing an imminent punishment of peas!
DeleteThanks, I needed to be sure you're a "good little devil"
DeleteMarcus, my wife and I married about six months and a tee shirt similar to this she would wear. In the home I was okay, but not away, she knew and accepted. She wore it away while shopping, I was at work and got off early and the look on her face was priceless. Needless to say she no longer owns the shirt, and her pretty bottom was given my direct attention. I told her I would spank her in the past and she learned I meant business. She saids turn about is fair play and I agreed, but as a male know no woman could spank hard enough to get my attention, just not possible.
ReplyDeleteTHAT sounds like a challenge, and a very foolish one for you!
DeleteYou think a woman could spank hard enough to get a man to cry?
DeleteNot necessarily crying, but certainly hard enough that they would not want a repeat performance! It would be a foolish, foolish challenge.
DeleteYour nephew reminds me of me at that age. I was naturally submissive, although I didn't have any language for it, or even any fully-formed ideas. And I could hardly believe my good fortune when I got into a relationship with a lovely young woman. We had frequent sex and more than a few arguments and she eventually left me for someone more mature.
ReplyDeleteBack then I didn't get any positive messages about male submission or see any role models. I hope david does have a talk with your nephew. He might be able to help him understand his situation, and be able thrive in it. He wouldn't need to use the word "submissive". But he could point out to your nephew that he's fortunate to be with such a forward, confident woman. And convey some sense of your marriage, in very light terms. He finds great satisfaction in pleasing you, and he's learned that things work best when he defers to your judgment. That sort of thing. It may well help your nephew find his place, both with this woman and in life in general.
Please do let us know of any developments.
We never got the chance to bring it up, unfortunately, but your sentiment is well taken!
DeleteBeing a male who is spanked by his wife, could not be happier. Out sex life is great, spankings are not for sex. My wife insures I remember for sometime after. I accept the spankings, no matter how much they hurt. What male would not want a wife who loves him, but understand that at times a reminder is needed.
ReplyDeleteI am skeptical that there is nothing sexual at all about you receiving a spanking!
DeleteOnline dating has certainly changed the dynamics of selecting a partner , compared to the good old days when the girls competed to find a man.
ReplyDeleteThe women are in the driving seat now and can be very selective while the guys are just happy to be selected.
Sounds like it may not be long until that young lady will have her man over her lap . I'm surprised you didn't have a word in her ear regarding the power of the hairbrush in a relationship Julie. You would make a great mentor for her.
Or... perhaps i should just stay out of it! ;-)
DeleteYes
ReplyDeleteAlways
Ron
This is a rather disturbing post, and I do hope this girl never gets to hear this "advice".
ReplyDeleteFetishes and fantasies are one thing, but teaching a teenager that there is a "natural order" that determines who makes the rules is terrible and dangerous.
They're in their twenties and she has a functioning brain. I'm not concerned.
Delete