Consent Ring Gets Nod in Ontario

by Mary Barklay
May 10, 2021

Yesterday in passing bill C-97, the Ontario government gave the nod of approval to the previously legally precarious movement know as "Consent Ring".

The movement was founded over a decade ago, but its growth has dramatically accelerated over the past two years. Explains one of its founders, Christy-Anne Somers, "Consent Ring is a practice amongst consenting adults who wish to be held accountable for their behaviour by a significant other. The Ring Bearer wears a signet ring with their primary Ring Giver's initial engraved on it on their right middle finger. The ring indicates that they are in a consensual domestic discipline arrangement with their Ring Giver."

"Domestic discipline" is a controversial practice where adults consent to undergo corporal punishment, including spankings, when their disciplinarian decides it is called for. Critics say it is a thin veneer to allow participants to play out their sexual fantasies in the open. Adherents do not reject the appeal to fetishistic sexuality, but say that its most important elements are accountability and guilt expiation.

"Before I did Consent Ring, I was a real wild child," says Richmond Hill native, Catherine Mulligan. "Drinking, missing work, generally just screwing up my life. I asked my boyfriend to be my Ring Giver, and ever since, boy have I cleaned up my act! There's nothing like your boyfriend's belt to your bare backside to motivate you. I think it was something that was missing from my childhood."

It is not only women who "Bear the Ring". Jake and Cathy, a married couple from Brampton, each Bear the Ring on their right hands. "We hold each other accountable," says Cathy. "Of course, he mostly only uses his hand on my butt, but when it's my turn, I get out the wooden paddle, and let me tell you, he howls just as much as I ever do."

In some situations, the lines between consent and coercion blurr. Bill Filmore of Etobicoke says, "I was lazy and unmotivated, but my gal said either I put on the Ring or she's dumping me. So I put on the ring. Sure I get a lot of ribbing from the guys, but hey, I'm the one holding down the full-time job with a wonderful and sexy woman in my bed every night."

Elise McCullock of Toronto was coerced in a different manner, but seems happy enough about it now. "He said if I don't put the Ring on my right finger he's not putting the ring on my left finger. Now I've got two rings and I haven't regretted it in the least, despite the occasional sore backside." By way of explanation Elise adds, "I'm a terrible over-spender. What can I say? I love shopping. And I pay with more than just his credit cards."

While these examples of coercion seem mild enough, the lines are even more blurred where younger adults and parents are concerned.

Dianne Fitzroy of Scarborough is an eighteen-year-old woman living at home and attending first year University where she hopes to do well enough to get into a Registered Nursing program. "The law says I'm age of majority and my parents aren't responsible for me anymore, but if I want to become a nurse I'm pretty much dependent on them to help me for housing, food, tuition, incidentals, and even spending-money. So I have no alternative but to live with my parents and accept their help. In exchange, they told me I had to wear the Ring."

Dianne's parents, Cynthia and Bob, make no bones about it. "Dianne has a choice," her Mom Cynthia says, "she can either get out there and make her own way, or we can help her out. But if we're helping her out, then it better be nose to the grindstone on her schoolwork, and her father and I make sure of it."

Dianne laughs and says, "Mom has all my logins to school and social media. She keeps a pretty tight lid on all the things. She knows more about when my homework is due and my tests are scheduled than I do."

"We're not asking overmuch," Dianne's father, Bob says. "We expect her to apply herself and work a solid 9-5 day, half-hour for lunch and two fifteen minute breaks, 5 days a week, on her schoolwork, not to go out on a school night, and be in at a reasonable time on the weekends."

Her Mom adds, "And if she doesn't, she knows she can expect a good spanking from her father or me."

"It's so embarrassing," Dianne says. "All my friends see the Ring and know I get spanked at home by my Mom and Dad. But I guess it does get me a little extra interest from the boys," the petite freshman says, perking up at the last.

In some cases, parents even get involved with their fully adult children. 39-year-old Julie Delmar and husband David are a married couple where Julie has decided to Bear the Ring. The couple was interviewed in their Toronto home, Julie dressed in a schoolgirl outfit. "After I've been naughty" Julie says, "David makes me wear this schoolgirl getup for a set period of time. Everybody who knows me knows I got spanked, it's embarrassing." Julie says her primary disciplinarian is her husband, however she has also authorized her father and her mother to discipline her. She says her father has taken the strap and a paddle to her backside, and her mother has put her across the knee and used the wooden spoon on her.

"The embarrassment is a really effective part of the punishment," says daughter and wife Julie. "My spankings are always skirt up, panties down, and sometimes they even make me strip completely." And the fact that her spankings are sometimes "family affairs" makes it that much worse, she adds.

"Julie craves this kind of discipline," her husband David says. "She's really a very disciplined person, successful career, kind, sensitive. But when she makes a mistake, as all of us do from time to time, it really messes with her head. She feels almost pathologically guilty about it. The discipline is a way for her to work that out of her system. That kind of loving discipline is something she feels she missed out on as a teen from her family, so she's making up for lost time now."

When asked for a recent example of a mistake and the disciplinary consequences, the couple pointed to an incident less than a week ago where Julie was distracted by her device while driving and caused a minor accident. "Nobody was hurt, fortunately," says husband David, "but someone easily could have been."

"I got a long hard spanking across his knee for that one," says Julie, "It was just with his hand, but it was on my bare bottom and it went on and on. Then he made me strip, bent me over the arm of that sofa there, and leathered my behind twenty times with his belt. I was sore all next day. After that, I had to stand there naked with my nose pressed into the corner and my spanked butt sticking out for a full 30 minutes. That was the worst part."

"Not quite the worst part," her husband David reminds her.

"Oh yeah..." Julie says. Whenever Julie is given a spanking, she must relay that information to her parents, usually at Sunday dinner, to determine if any additional follow-up discipline is warranted. On this occasion her older sister Sue and her younger brother Brian and his wife Chloe were also in attendance. "The rule is, I have to tell them what I did and how I was punished before dinner, no matter who is there to hear it. This time was particularly bad because while Sue certainly knows,  Brian and Chloe were new to this, and they were already wondering about my outfit. It was so embarrassing dressed in my schoolgirl outfit saying how I was punished while my little brother and his even younger wife were there."

"What was even more unfortunate," says David, "Was that Julie's Dad lost his brother to a drunk driver, and he considers a distracted driver to be pretty much the equivalent. So he was hopping mad when he heard. He told her to strip down to her bra and panties and stand in the corner of the dining room all through dinner."

"Only I wasn't wearing a bra," adds Julie. "I need to wear a specific bra under my schoolgirl blouse, but couldn't find it so didn't bother wearing one. I didn't know Daddy would make me take off my blouse, he never does that. I tried telling him, but that seemed to make him even madder. So my bare breasts and pantied ass were pretty much hanging right out there all through family dinner. At least my tits were mostly pointed at the corner, though I saw my little brother sneaking peaks at my ass and side-boob as he ate."

"You can't blame him," her husband adds with a chuckle, "she has a pretty spectacular ass and side-boob if I do say so myself. It was pretty funny that she had no bra. I was thinking of giving her a spanking for that, but in the end I thought the embarrassment of having to go bare breasted like that in front of her little brother for the first time was sufficient punishment. Natural consequences it's called."

"After dinner," Julie explains, "Daddy got out his big old fashioned razor strop and really leathered my backside. I had to pull down my own panties to my knees and bend over the back of Daddy's couch. During my strapping, I kicked so much that my panties flew clear across the room."

"She put on quite the show," husband David confirms. "Her daddy really sizzled her backside with that strap. I don't think he was too happy that she forgot her bra and the whole family had to see her boobs frantically whipping around during her strapping. She was already crying like a baby before her Dad was a quarter done with her. I'd never heard her wail like that before. Afterwards she had to face everyone, hands on her head, heaving titties and squirming little vag on show, and apologize for her driving and not wearing her bra. Then back into the living room corner to cry it out until we left. And boy her butt was crimson red after her Dad's strap. He really made an example of her in front of everybody. There was no way she could bear putting her panties back on, and she had to lie face down in the back seat on the way home and even sleep on her tummy without covers that night. Thank God she has a stand-up desk at work, because sitting next day was out of the question. You can still see the colouring today. Do you want a photo for your article?"

Julie blushes but complies with her husband's wishes, raising her schoolgirl skirt, lowering her daring red panties, and bending over to "show us the damage" inflicted by her father, still clearly visible even several days later.

Clearly, "Bearing the Ring" is not for everyone, but for Julie the benefits are worth the tears.

The new Ontario laws spell out in detail what is considered "reasonable" and "unreasonable" in the disciplining of Ring Bearers, thereby laying out the boundaries of what practitioners call "consensual non-consent". Most controversially, the law makes certain activities formerly subject to public indecency provisions allowed.

Bruce Jenkins of Missisauga took the Ring almost two years ago. Driving on the highway, Bruce flew into road rage when a fellow motorist cut him off. According to wife Marissa, Bruce became incensed, cursed, and began driving dangerously with her and their two daughters in the car. Marissa berated Bruce and made him pull over at the first opportunity which happened to be the parking lot of a popular highway eatery. She took him out of the car, bent him over the hood, took down his pants and underpants, and walloped his behind with a large paddle she carried in the trunk of their car until the grown man was crying like an infant. "It needed to be done," says wife Marissa, who does not bear the ring herself. According to Marissa there were well over a dozen witnesses to Bruce Jenkins' bare bottom paddling, something that prior to this new law being passed would have been problematic.

"He couldn't stay down for his strokes," Marissa says. "After every third stroke or so he jumped up and grabbed his butt cheeks in both hands. Well of course his paddling attracted attention and you can just imagine the show he put on for his audience, his little wiener bouncing in the air like that. Didn't do him a bit of good. The rule is that if he stands up after a stroke it gets repeated and one extra added. Poor Brucey was dancing his jig for near a half hour in front of all those folks before I got done with him.  Before this new law passed, it would have been indecent exposure. Afterwards, it was just a damned good lesson for him. Everyone seemed to enjoy watching him catch it, once I explained what he had done with us in the car. Low tolerance for road ragers, I guess."

Amongst Bruce's audience was his and Marissa's two teenage daughters, Adriana and Belle, who were travelling with them in the back seat. "Daddy sure caught it that time," says daughter Adriana Jenkins. "Mom blistered his butt," adds sister Belle. "It's good for the girls to see that," opines mother Marissa. "They need to know how it's done. When they're legal age, I plan on having Bruce add them as auxiliary Ring Givers so they can get a little practice in before ringing their own men."

"We can't wait!" says sisters Adriana and Belle both. "My birthday is in a week," says daughter Adriana. "This is the first he's hearing of it, but I'm having a bunch of girlfriends over for a birthday party and it's going to be Daddy who gets 18 paddle whacks and one to grow on this year. And I plan for him being buck naked in the corner for the whole party, and then across my knee for his paddy whacks. Sort of a great coming of age milestone, you know?" Father Bruce sputters and blushes at the news, but all it takes is a stern look from wife Marissa to settle him down. "And I guess I don't have anything to say about it?" Bruce asks petulantly. "No sweetheart," says wife Marissa simply as the girls laugh at their father's obvious embarrassment and discomfort. "And you better not get hard in front of my girlfriends, daddy," adds daughter Adriana, "or I'll make you rub one out in front of them and then give you the strap until you can't sit down for a week."

Father Bruce, who appears to have a bit of a temper, uses some choice language towards his daughter when she said that, and this reporter was able to witness firsthand husband Bruce fully stripped, his mouth washed out with soap at the downstairs guest bathroom sink, and then made to bend over clutching his ankles for one of his wife's famous "butt blisterings" with her big wooden paddle. The entire time husband Bruce was required to hold the bar of soap in his mouth, crying out and drooling big soapy suds on the floor in front of him as his daughters and this reporter watched a stern application of Consent Ring discipline in action. Between every stroke he was made to attempt an apology towards his eldest daughter, but the words could barely be made out between the tears, the soap gag, and the sudsy mouth. When the bar of soap was finally removed after his paddling, it had deep teeth marks and was practically cut in two. He was not allowed to rinse his mouth until after he had fetched the mop and bucket and cleaned up the floor in front of him, still completely nude, to his wife's and daughters' satisfaction.

"Disrespect for women is something we simply do not tolerate in this household," wife Marissa says. "Now go upstairs to our bedroom and prepare yourself for a long hard pegging," Marissa tells her husband. "You better be cleaned out, ass up, and lubed up, by the time I get up there," she shouts after her scurrying husband. "Sometimes the only way he learns is with a ten inch long, two inch thick cock fucking his backside fast and hard for ten or twenty minutes. It's the best thing I've found for teaching him a measure of respect for women, essentially making him into one for a time." The daughters giggle and report how their Dad moans and squeals during these "respect for women" sessions with their Mother.

When asked for comment regarding the new law, Consent Ring founder Somers says, "It's good that the guidelines have been made clear, and that they've fallen pretty much in line with our recommendations. The public indecency exemptions are particularly useful so that discipline can be administered on the spot."

Irene Majors of Hamilton and her husband Mark Majors are only too aware of the new law. "She lost her temper at the airport gate arguing with the attendant. It wasn't the attendant' fault, and the poor girl was practically in tears from Irene's outburst. I saw the attendant had a Consent Ring like my wife, and that made up my mind. I made her apologize to the attendant and then by God I took my bratty wife right across my knee right there in the waiting area."

"He took my pants right off and pulled my panties down for my spanking," says Irene, blushing profusely. "There were at least fifty people waiting for that flight, I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life. Plus he wouldn't give me my pants back afterward. I had to board the plane and spend the entire flight in my panties."

"Mind you," adds Mark with a wink, "the attendant did upgrade us to first class."

"Embarrassment is a very important addition to a punishment," says Adele Williams of Brampton, Ring Giver to husband Sam. "I insist he be bare-ass naked for all his spankings, I don't care if we're alone, have company, out visiting, or even in public. If he misbehaves, he knows what to expect."

"Having to strip before a spanking in public is the worst," says Ring Bearer husband Sam, "especially because of my... reactions..."

"He gets hard just before a spanking. Very hard," explains wife Adele. "It quivers and practically points straight up, and the tip becomes engorged and purpled, especially when attractive young women are present. I bend him over and use my little purse paddle on him. Usually his erection subsides a few minutes into his spanking. I remember once, though, at the mall, he needed a spanking and there happened to be a group of teenage girls there. Well they laughed and pointed at his flaming erection, and that didn't help his situation at all, and then they laughed even louder when he started leaking pre-cum. Some of those girls were a bit mischievous and flashed poor helpless Sam. After that he lost it completely and actually ejaculated during his paddling in front of them. Apparently from no more than a button or two and the smallest glimpse of a teen's lacy bra. Even I was embarrassed by that! I made him get on his hands and knees, lick it all up, and hold it in his mouth. The girls loved seeing that, but I don't think Sam enjoyed the rest of his spanking having to hold a mouthful of cum after his orgasm. After his spanking I made him get on his knees and open his mouth to show the girls he had retained it. I asked the girls to vote if he would be allowed to spit into a tissue, or swallow it all down. It was unanimous. He swallowed it all down like a naughty little slut as the girls laughed their heads off and teased him mercilessly."

As Sam's case illustrates, sometimes sexual arousal goes hand in hand with Consent Ring. While more obvious in men, women are not exempt from sexual arousal.

"Amanda gets very heated up during her spankings," says Fred Fellows of Brockton, Amanda's husband. "Her vagina visibly moistens and her labia and clitoris engorges. If I make her straddle my knee, she behaves like a kitten on a scratching post and orgasms, every time."

"I can't help it," wife Amanda adds, blushing deeply. "It's still a punishment, for sure, what with his hard hand, and being like that during my spankings is super embarrassing in front of witnesses."

"She sometimes gets spankings in front of our families, and yeah, she gets pretty embarrassed, especially in front of her brothers. If she's been very naughty I'll strip her bare and spank her with her legs spread, or on her back with her legs in the air so everyone can see her vagina reacting like that. Afterwards, during cornertime, I'll sometimes stick a ginger root up her bum. Her bare little ass sure wiggles and wriggles while that ginger root burns her bumhole, but her vagina just gets wetter and wetter."

"It's so embarrassing," Amanda says, "Mom has taken to making me stand on a puppy pad in the corner when the ginger is in."

"And a good thing too," Fred adds, "because that puppy pad gets soaked by the time I let her Mom pull the ginger root out and clean her up in the kitchen. Remember that time you begged your Mom to wash out your bumhole with the dish soap after a gingering, and then you orgasmed while your Mom was doing it?"

"Yeah, and Mom did not appreciate it," Amanda answered. "She took me across her knee and spanked me with her wooden spoon until I was in tears."

Practitioners of Consent Ring take sexual arousal in stride. According to founder Somers, "yes, absolutely many Ring Bearers and Ring Givers experience sexual arousal during discipline. We treat the person holistically and accept it for what it is. Some do, some don't."

For Ring Giver Irene Matthews, sexual arousal is an integral part of disciplining her husband Tim of five years. "I get very aroused when I have to punish him. Afterwards I always make him go down there, if you know what I mean," she says, referring to oral sex.

Ring Bearer Chrissy Johnson has her own perspective. "Part of our agreement is that after a punishment I need to make myself totally sexually available to my boyfriend, no matter what he wants. Even bum sex," she adds conspiratorially. "I mean, it's only fair. I asked him to do this, and of course he gets sexually excited when spanking my bare ass with my pussy waving around in his face. So I always make a point of it, even if sometimes it is a little rough!"

Serious discipline for psychological benefit, fetishistic play, or both? You be the judge.

(Comments are open.)