New Book - Rings of Consent

I started in on my new book project last weekend. I'm calling it,

Rings of Consent

Interviews and commentaries on Ontario's
new consensual discipline laws and their
impact on society.
by
Julie Delmar

I think it will be great! If anybody has some idea for a cover that is suitable on Amazon (no explicit nudity), please let me know.

So far I've written the preface and the first chapter. I did a trial balloon of my concept on my post Consent Ring Gets Nod in Ontario.

I decided to lead off the Preface with this:

This book is offered as a work of fiction for your entertainment and amusement. It posits an alternative universe where domestic discipline among consenting adults has been normalized and fully legalized in the Canadian province of Ontario. Intrepid investigative journalist Julie Delmar sets off on a titillating quest to interview founders, practitioners, and bystanders. This is their stories told in their words.

I mention it is fictional right off the bat. I don't want folks getting mad and googling and all that and then calling me a liar, liar, pants on fire. But even before the end of the paragraph I'm already starting to write as if it was real, "their stories told in their words". I want to start confusing the readers a bit right up front in this way, get their brains reeling a bit back and forth so they can settle into the "what if?" universe I'm about to create for them.

The preface then goes on to talk a bit about me and my real-life relationship to consensual domestic discipline. At first this was ridiculously long, with lots of sexy real-life stuff to illustrate, but it had gotten way too long. I need punchy chapters! Like a butcher first, and then a surgeon, I cut it way back down to size. Because I can't stand killing my word babies like that, I cut and paste them into a section at the back of the document: Tumbolia. I would have plenty of time to recount sexy goings on in the interview chapters, and those hard won turns of phrases may yet see the light of day. I managed to get the Preface down to a fairly tight 4 pages so we could get on with the action more quickly.

I did, however, leave in the bit that explains that these relationships were by no means exclusive to women on the bottom, and I plan on the book being roughly 50/50 male and female bottoms with some gay and lesbian and gender non-comforming folks in there as well.

The Preface ends with,

But at this stage in my life, I am not ashamed I am a spanked wife and do wish more people could know it. I know that currently that it is not possible outside of a very few close and trusted family and friends, or a kink gathering which for me does not satisfy this need. But I dream of a society where it would be mainstream and acceptable to have people in general know this about me and to even witness my spankings with approval and encouragement. This would of course embarrass me to no end, being spanked in public, but would be a potent disciplinary tool for my husband to use and would dramatically increase the intensity of the experience for me.

This thought was the genesis for this book. What if? What if our consensual domestic discipline arrangements could be officially recognized and registered? What if society was accepting of the fact that people like me benefit from these sorts of arrangements? What if public indecency laws were exempted for this purpose and the oft promised most dreaded public bare-bottomed spanking was fully legalized between consenting adults? What if the public were supportive of the positive mental health benefits that participants enjoy? What if people accepted that sexual arousal was a natural part of adult consensual discipline and not separable from it, and rather than being scandalized by it, would enjoy it and even tease the miscreant about it to add to her beneficial punishment?

Is this too far a stretch? Were not trans women scorned, vilified, and ridiculed only a scant decade ago? Yet now, as they should, they are beginning to enjoy recognition, respect, and specifically equal treatment under the law. Why not the same societal respect for consensual domestic discipline arrangements?

Why not indeed? Let us dream...

Those paragraphs became very heartfelt for me. Our kink is very poorly understood and is still not very socially acceptable, is it? We hide behind anonymous identities and scurry away at the slightest risk of discovery. Why does this have to be? Why do we have to be so ashamed of who we are??? The parallels with gays from another era, or trans folks today, is actually a bit striking when you think of it.

Writing the end to that Preface actually fired me up to totally "come out" and to promote exactly the sort of movement I am writing about in this book. They say to change things you need to paint a picture for yourself and others of what a better life could be like. Perhaps that will be my contribution?

I've also finished a first cut at the first chapter. I interview Christie-Ann Somers, who is one of the founders of the movement. The name choice is conscious. I wanted to evoke a bit of "Christ-like" passion, give a little nod to Christian Domestic Discipline, our brothers and sisters in lived kink, and also the notion of a hopeful and languid summer after a harsh winter of struggle. Ann is a reference to Ann Torbet of Texas (see below), and the hyphenated name invokes a Southern girl getting the strap, at least in my mind.

New York Post, 15 September 1977
Student Gets Her Spanking
Mrs. Ann Torbet of Texas with the belt she used to punish her
daughter Tammy. After Mrs. Torbet objected to the paddling of
her daughter at school a compromise was reached whereby she
was allowed to come to the school and administer punishment
with the belt she used for home discipline. An assistant principal
of the school was quoted as saying: "Tammy would have been
better off taking the paddle swats from us: her Mom really
sizzled her behind with that strap."

In Chapter 1, Christie-Ann explains how she and her partner had the cops called on them by apartment neighbors fearing domestic abuse and hearing Christie-Ann calling out for her partner to "stop, please stop!". When the cops arrived they doubted it was consensual and detained the partner despite Christie-Ann's attempted explanation of consensual non-consent. As a result of the perceived injustice and subsequent ridicule when the truth came out, the pair launched a movement to bring awareness to couples such as themselves. The movement grew and eventually they lobbied for the law to be changed. In Christie-Ann's words:

At a certain point we had gained a lot of positive attention and more and more people were practicing the lifestyle. We did some police outreach, and we found out, just like in our case, they were pretty much hamstrung by policy if they encountered a spanking couple. So we worked with them and with some cooperative Provincial Members of Parliament, to draft a bill that gave more concrete guidance to police and citizens.

Basically, the proposed law made it illegal to interfere with the administration of corporal punishment between consenting adults. You were required to pause and give your names if asked and produce evidence of a contract. If the punishment were unreasonably beyond what the contract allowed for, police or citizens in general could intervene, but otherwise it was hands off. You could literally be fined or go to jail if you tried to stop a punishment when a reasonable person would consider it to be within the contract bounds.

We also very deliberately included the ability to apply corporal punishment in public spaces. The contract had to specifically allow it and had to specifically call out the maximum allowed level of undress. Under those conditions you were exempt from any public indecency or nudity-type laws when the purpose was disciplinary.

We thought it was important to allow for discipline in public spaces. This thing is part of us. We're built this way. We don’t want to have to hide it in public. It would be like banning two gay guys kissing in public. It's not on. Our purpose is to normalize this, and if it makes a few people uncomfortable along the way, well so be it.

It was introduced in the Ontario legislature as a private member's bill, and surprisingly there was very little opposition. The left saw it as another intersectional identity that ought to be protected. The Christian right were proponents. The more libertarian conservatives were all for government getting out of the way of consensual relationships. Some of the centrists were concerned about public decency type concerns, but with the Christian right on our side the objections really couldn't be sustained. And besides, the 'old-fashioned values' crowd were also on our side. As a result, there was no serious opposition and the bill sort of sailed through.

The not-for-profit organization that Christie-Ann founded, called "Rings of Consent" facilitated the administration of the law. Christie-Ann explains.

The law does not specify how you identify yourself and produce the contract, so we step in to make that a bit more convenient for folks. The rings we sell now have unique RFID tags inside of them, and we have an app that can directly take you to the bottom's registration information. There's a photograph on the site, so that's the equivalent to a photo id which serves as adequate identification anywhere in the Province. And the contract is accessible right there. We use blockchain technology to make sure the contract being viewed is the most up-to-date one signed by the ring holder. We sell the rings and continue as a non-profit, providing educational information about the lifestyle and how to practice it safely and get the most from it.

So you see, not so implausible after all is it? Huh? Huh? Huh? I can totally see that happening here in Ontario.

That sort of sets up the book. the rest of the chapters will be interviews with all sorts of other people. I plan on starting mild and getting more freaky towards the end, introducing a spate of interesting characters as we go.

Should be a good read, no? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.