Fender Bender Aftermath

I recounted in my last blog post, Spanked for Real for a Fender Bender, how I got into a little car accident due to my inattention and how I was punished for it. There were some interesting comment reactions and responses that I would like to elaborate on, and some aftermath type stuff as well, including an embarrassing exchange at family dinner.

Believe it or not, in more than two decades of driving this was the first car accident I had ever been in. Mind you, I don't drive that often. I don't particularly enjoy it, and most of the men around me have always seemed eager to drive me around.

So the accident was really frazzling for me. I could feel the adrenaline pumping into me. It was long lasting and persisted several days. As it's happening, and immediately after, it feels like your heart is beating up in your throat, and it's hard to speak clearly and put coherent sentences together. Plus your emotions are amplified, and you feel on the verge of crying all the time.

I was feeling all of that when the accident happened. My immediate thought was how stupid I had been, and how my day had just been ruined, and what a bother all of this was going to be (I knew I was completely uninjured as was the other guy, it was not that kind of accident). I was also worried the other person would be angry. When he was in fact kind, gentle, and forgiving with me (I wonder if he was a Christian?), I felt relief and then guilt over ruining his day the way I had my own.

I knew he had had to slow down more quickly than usual, but I figured there was a good reason for that, like the car ahead of him had done something dumb. I was way too close to him and moments before had been a distracted driver which is what led to our collision. I knew it was 100% my fault. Had a policeman observed me, I probably would have been charged.

I imagine there are some people who would have tried to blame the guy ahead for stopping too suddenly and deflect blame from themselves. In our litigious society you are almost encouraged to do stuff like that. But more than that, as human beings we work desperately to protect our egos and will re-write actual events in our minds to come out on top. That is really not an option for me. My domestic discipline arrangement sees to that.

I have this relationship with my husband where I have asked him to hold me accountable. At one point we formalized it in a Domestic Discipline Contract. We cancelled the contract, but the thoughts behind it are still in effect. I know this can be confusing seeing as how we switch. Let me try to explain.

When David is on the bottom he likes to play at spankings and is not interested in a more real-life arrangement. I know it does not seem so at times, and sometimes we will play around real incidents, but they are more like role play scenes drawn from life when I spank him. And in my blogging I sometimes don't make the distinction at all, and even play it down to appear more bad ass which is sexy. And I am pretty bad ass as a Domme if I do say so myself. I can be delightfully cruel, arbitrary, capricious. Like allowing another woman to give my husband a blow job and then beating the shit out of him to remind him to whom he belongs. But through it all, it's play. Sometimes realistic play for genuine offenses, sometimes intense play, or emotionally charged play, but always play. That's what he craves. He does not crave to be accountable to me in the same way I do to him (as the man in our marriage, he's accountable in different ways).

In my case, I crave a more real-life arrangement. I am frustrated that there are not more real-life incidents that justify him spanking me. The DD Contract was a misguided attempt to manufacture that, but it did not really work, and we moved on from it quickly as neither of us found it satisfying. However, out of that attempt, about a year ago, we have settled down into our current arrangement.

David has my over-arching consent to punish me, generally with spankings, whenever he thinks I need it, regardless of what I have to say about it at the time. There are elements of the contract that have informally survived, such as him requiring me to confirm why I am being punished just before the punishment, and my complete sexual availability to him after a punishment. It so far has not happened that I have ever disagreed with a decision of his to punish me, but there have not been many. I think I can count them on one hand. Not that my disagreement would be in any sense meaningful given our arrangement. I just point it out as an observation.

As a result, I walk around, 24x7, with what I call a "spanked wife" mindset. I know that if I genuinely misbehave, am careless, am rude, am disrespectful even, I am subject to a spanking from my husband. You know that changes everything, don't you? Because it does. There is not even one aspect of my life that is not in at least some small way impacted by that situation. I walk around with the certain knowledge that if I fall short, I will be spanked.

Most adults don't have this mindset. Some children do. Perhaps not spanked per se, but having this idea that they will be "punished" by a greater authority in some way if they misbehave. I... crave... that.

I had that as a young child, this immaterial fear of punishment if I was naughty, which sometimes (rarely) was a spanking. As a younger tween and teen this turned more into the knowledge that I would disappoint my parents if I was naughty. This was trained into me, mainly by my Dad, by the dreaded "lecture". It was delivered in private, calmly, rationally. I was, sometimes quite publicly, removed from the company of others, and we had a "conversation". He explained why what I had done was wrong in excruciating detail. The worst part was the palpable feeling that I had disappointed my Dad. In retrospect, I wish he had just spanked me so we could move on and I didn't have to feel that crushing disappointment. I honestly think spanking would have been better for my upbringing during my teens and staved off what was to come. Your mileage may vary.

As I became older, and became more rebellious, I didn't give a fuck if I disappointed my parents. Fuck them! It culminated in me dropping out of school and engaging in all manner of self-destructive behaviours. During that time I thought I was free, but I was actually miserable in the loneliest possible sense, and it culminated in a catastrophe not entirely of my own making which was my "rock bottom". While my relationship with David began my healing process, it was years and years before I felt largely free of the negative impacts of my youth, and my recovery was actually tied up into my sense of empowerment from domming David, and my willingness to more and more over time accept a submissive role in BDSM play.

I noticed, as have all of you, that I was becoming more and more obsessed over BDSM bottom play (I apologize to those of you who followed me for my femdom content). Maybe even obsessed in a not so healthy way? I remember a blog post I made in 2017, Am I Sick in the Head? illustrated with this lead image.

I lead the post with, "My own submissive fantasies sometimes scare me. Am I ill?" I went on to describe an incident where I was corresponding with a man and wrote him a fantasy. As I summed it up at the time,

I was not intending to write all that. It was just going to be a sweet little spanking for me. But then I just started writing, and this degrading misogynistic filth poured out of my brain. I definitely don't want all that to happen for real, but then why do I obviously fantasize about it? Reading it back makes me wet. I do not approve of those things happening to any woman!!!

I ended that post with this thought:

Do I subconsciously resent my husband for being such a pussy sub in the bedroom? Is this what I want for myself?

I don't know if you guys thought I was being coy back then, but my fears about my own mental health around these tendencies were real. I also thought I was being unfair to David as well. He was willing and able to dominate me, but I had been unwilling to truly submit. I wound up working through my issues by writing him a letter and asking him to dominate me in every way imaginable for a full week. It absolutely got over any sense of resentment, and after the experience I felt more connected to this side of me and no longer feared it as much.

But I was still searching for the right balance and for what I really craved. I started fantasizing about spankings from my real Dad - what would that have been like had he continued spanking me? I also started taking on the submissive role more with David, and playing at being a naughty spanked wife. Roleplay started merging into real life with me. For example, we were being playful in bed, he was being a bit dommy with me. He insisted in cumming into my mouth during 69 and me swallowing it instead of me running and spitting it out. I "refused to" (though I had done it before). He (entirely against my will! wink) spanked me until I swallowed. I liked that feeling of being "made to". (Wife Spanked Until She Swallows).

I also recall an incident when we were hiking and I insisted on a wrong turn. He, in turn, insisted on baring my bum in the great outdoors and switching my ass (Naughty Wife Gets an Outdoor Switching). At the time I thought he was using my intransigence as some daring outdoor roleplay material. Of course, it was indistinguishable in every respect from being a spanked wife.

I had also been dabbling with thoughts and fantasies of being a spanked wife. I had found "Christian Domestic Discipline" and was absolutely fascinated by the lifestyle. But for me it was more a fantasy idea to run around in my head, and maybe to roleplay, not a real thing applied to me.

As I said, we were merging and blending roleplay with real life, and just over a year ago, when everybody was super-concerned abut the COVID-19 outbreak, I broke some rules that David considered unsafe towards my parents. It was recounted in Julie Spanked for being Irresponsible. In my words at the time,

What was I thinking? Let me explain. This was not a "play" spanking. It was not incredibly hard or brutal or anything. We have definitely played harder than this. But this was not play. He had put me here against my will. I could have had him thrown in jail (or, yes, used our safeword). But... I knew from the moment he caught me that I had been a bad girl. An actual bad girl. I did something impulsive with the ice cream trip. I lied by omission when I said I was going for a walk. I did not wear a face covering as I implied to him I would. I taunted him by eating the ice cream out in the open. I basically lied to him, technicalities notwithstanding, when he asked me about the ice cream. I ignored his concerns about social distancing. And I mocked him. Yes. I had been a bad girl and I knew I had it coming.

David had actually gotten... the balls... to spank me for real and over my rather firmly stated initial objections. All the realistic play we had engaged in prior, and this edging towards consensual non-consent, had culminated in this. It helped that we had a framework for all this, including a lot of trust, experience, and guardrails (such as safewords). But regardless, he had definitely spanked me against my will. We did not have an "arrangement" like that at the time as we do now, not really.

Brett commented about this episode,

One thing you find with real punishments like this is that you get spanked to tears — not just moist eyes, but the glistening wet cheeks of shame and remorse. You have joined the ranks of bad girls and boys who have had to endure lessons like this historically, and you discovered the emotion of this spanking was unlike your normal experiences.

After all you went through, later masturbating on your tummy is surely understandable, and was probably inevitable. When you fully examine what happened to you, the arousal is going to be intense and, for you, all those particular circumstances led to you imagining yourself being leathered on your exposed behind by your real father.  

It was true, that spanking from David excited me like no other, and triggered many thoughts of parental discipline. It also satisfied me in a deep way like no other. I think I decided then and there that I wanted to become a spanked wife, and I wanted a husband who had the balls to spank me when he thought I needed it. I was also proud of it, not ashamed, and I wanted the world to know. My better sense got to me, and "the world" consisted of my closest family, but that is bad enough and can be very embarrassing! It is possible to be proud of something and embarrassed by it as well. Given the right dynamic and situation, I would happily confess to being a spanked wife to anybody who was interested, no exclusions.

So forget about "having an ego" like I mentioned above. My ego is kept very much in check by the knowledge that I can be upended and spanked at my husband's discretion, even with witnesses present if it was prudent (it rarely would be!).

At some point as the immediate aftermath of the accident unfolded, it did pop into my mind that I would be spanked for this. It was when I blurted out to the gentleman that my husband would be angry with me. That was the moment I realized I would be given a spanking. The two things were simultaneous. I cannot think which preceded the other, the thought or the speech.

It felt like I was admitting to the gentleman that I would be spanked. Admitting that your husband would be mad at you is already a pretty submissive thing I guess, but more acceptable in society. It does conjure up images of a wife-spanking, though. A "liberated" woman would never say a thing like that, about her husband being mad at her. That's spanked wife territory. I think he knew. Maybe he even fantasized about me across my husband's knee getting a sound spanking, or bent over with an already spanked red bum for a further strapping?

There is something primordially exciting and sexy about a spanked wife being dealt with by her husband for legitimate misbehavior, no?

Part of our domestic discipline arrangement that we kept from the contract days is the explicit agreement of my full sexual availability to him after my punishment. I am not allowed to sulk and be resentful. I must remain his wife in every way possible after a spanking.

This sexual availability is actually pretty key in my opinion. Did you know that women bond much more with men during sex than men do with women? Something about the oxytocin levels. We get addicted to our men in a very real sense. Some of this seems to come out during the punishment itself. I sexualize it so much that I think my hormones go nuts during a spanking. I become more able to orgasm, and I become more bonded to the person spanking me. But I think it's at it's peak during penetrative sex. When his penis is inside of me, and I am highly aroused, which happens when I am at my most submissive as well, is when I feel the oxytocin at its highest and I most bond to my man. Yes, sigh, I am addicted to cock, and spanking.

Some on my blog have commented that they found my punishment insufficient. While it is true that the outcome was not so bad, they pointed out that distracted driving is similar to drunk driving, and it could have ended much worse, with lives, my own included, potentially lost or ruined.

I can sympathize with this point of view. I have been a distracted driver, freely messing with my device when my eyes should have been on the road. This time it cost me. I feel I have truly learned a lesson from the experience, and will put the phone away, or pull over as required. It was not my spanking that taught me my lesson, it was the experience of the accident itself. The spanking was more a guilt expiation. And in terms of that, I agree I did get off lightly. I do think I deserved more for the reasons stated.

Many suggested that some form of blistering with a wooden implement would have been appropriate. I have experienced the fiery hell of a blister spanking, though not as severe as I feel I deserved this time, and it is not something I would have any desire to undergo, not even in my fantasies. And yes, a solid five or ten minutes undergoing such a punishment across my husband's knee would have been horrible, but deserved. But that is my husband's decision, not mine, and I trust his wisdom when it comes to my punishment. I did get a half hour of very, very uncomfortable, very humiliating, and utterly interminable nose-in-corner timeout, which many seem to ignore. As a punishment, that should not be under-appreciated. I was not just cooling my heels recovering from my spanking. I was actively pressing my nose into the corner and arching my back in a stress position after a pretty nasty belt whipping.

If you think it's easy standing like that for half an hour you're welcome to try and tell me how it goes.

Earlier today we went over to Mom and Dad's with Sue for "Sunday dinner" (I know it's Saturday! We ask each other, "what day can you do Sunday dinner?"). I discussed with David in advance if they would be told. I wanted it so David agreed. David said I should raise it and explain what happened and how I was at fault. I asked David if he would then prompt me to say how I was punished, and he agreed.

This is not David's idea, this is mine. From the start I associated spanked wife and spanked daughter very closely. The discipline I crave from David is a kind of transference of the discipline I craved and missed out on from my parents at a key juncture in my life. I don't really know if it would have changed anything. I might have been even more rebellious than I was, but we'll never know. I know it's not a societally popular idea, but had I been spanked throughout my teens, I think I would have been kept more in check. I hear that from some Christian households and Southern households, and see how their daughters wind up, and am impressed.

In searching for images to illustrate this thought, I came across a NuWest model named Debbie being punished by her mother that exemplifies these thoughts perfectly. I had previously thought my parental spanking desires were tied up with my Dad, but getting spanked by Mom would be powerful as well.

Imagine if spankings from both my parents continued into my tweens and teens. Just imagine if I had been snippy or rude to Mom, as I often was in my teens. Once she'd had enough, she would paddle me. Imagine me having to put a chair in the middle of the room and drop my slacks and panties as Mommy fetched her big paddle. Oh my gosh! At this point I would not be rebellious. I knew it could get much more painful and embarrassing if Mommy decided Daddy should deal with me.

I would have to bend over and prepare myself. I would already be terrified and regretting my choices.

Mommy would be very strict with me. From the very first stroke I would know I would be in for it.

Before long I would be wailing from every stroke.

Mommy would reduce me to a very sorry red-faced and red-bottomed little girl.

Should this have been me growing up? Would I ever have had a rebellious stage if I was kept in check like this? Or would I have been the sweetest, politest, most studious, most modest girl ever? My modern. educated mind says no. But I feel deep in my heart that I could have benefited from discipline like this all through high school, especially into my senior year when I started going a bit wild, cutting classes, drinking, drugs, and disrespecting my parents who did not at all know what to do with me. Had I been made used to this sort of discipline from my childhood, and had it continued uninterrupted into senior year, I honestly think it would have done me good. Sorry for offending any of you "anti-spanking" activists out there, or those who think it should only happen between consenting adults, but you have no concept of how self-destructive I became as a result of my parents' inability to control me.

So it's a sort of completion for me, and maybe even an "I told you so", for my Mom and Dad to understand I have chosen to be a spanked wife, and what the implications of that are. Yes it's terribly embarrassing, but that's also the point of it. And I must confess, the thrill of it. I've stopped trying to pull apart what role my sexually submissive drive contributes to my desires versus my intense emotional needs, because they are part and parcel and inseparable.

My Mom and Dad have seen me spanked mildly as an adult, by David, as a form of "demonstration"; and I did cajole my Dad into spanking me on my bare bum, twice in fact. So I don't think a real spanking from my Mom or Dad is totally out of the question. I do crave it and feel that being spanked by my husband is a substitute for parental spanking. I have asked David to "fill in" in this regard. Of course, many would say that after your Dad gives you away in marriage, it's up to your husband from then on. I would not disagree that I am David's responsibility now, but does that mean a father is not allowed to spank his daughter any longer? I don't think so. I wish he would see that it's what I've been asking for.

I thought maybe Dad would have been as angry with me as some of my commenters have been, and David could have offered to let him get some licks in? Probably a paddle to the seat of my panties would have been appropriate. I dunno.

But that did not happen. I did tell them mid-dinner about my week, and focused in on the accident. I admitted it all. Daddy just reminded me to keep my attention on the road. David did not need to raise my punishment because Sue jumped in and asked, "did you get a spanking?" I definitely felt a blush rise and said, "sure did. And the belt too."

At that point Dad said, "Oh, you got the belt did you?" with a smile.

"Only a few strokes," David clarified, "to let her know what happens if she does it again." David continued, "What else did you get, after the belt, sweetheart?"

"I had to stand with my nose in the corner for 30 minutes, Sir." Ok. Now I felt foolish.

"Are you going to drive distracted like that again?" David asked.

"no sir," I answered in a small voice, the emotions gaining on me.

I picked up the napkin from my lap and dabbed at my eyes.

"She's learned her lesson," Daddy said. Yeah!

David said, "She has. And before this I haven't had to spank her for a while now."

Oh blush.

"I'm pretty well behaved most of the time," I said with a smile, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Sue added, "Maybe not spanked for cause, but I'll bet David keeps that butt pretty rosy before sexytime?"

"No comment!" I complained. Ha ha.

"Susan, stop." Said my Mom, but also with a smile. They all laughed a bit as I blushed at the obvious truth of it. Mercifully, the conversation moved on, the topic of my spanked rear having run its natural course. I liked it, the fact that my spankings had reached the status of dinner time conversation.

 

So honestly, given what you know about me, tell me what your guys thoughts are about the idea of teenage girls still being spanked by their Moms or Dads? Bad idea, or do girls like me a world of good?