Embracing Female Domestic Discipline

My husband and I decided to make it official: I will now become, officially, a spanked wife! We have agreed to engage in a Domestic Discipline lifestyle with me as the "taken in hand".

The woman in the photo is bare breasted with her panties at her knees.
She has either just been spanked, or is about to be.
I look at that, and genuinely wish it was me being disciplined.

What got me going was my recent disciplinary spanking described in Julie Spanked for Being Irresponsible, and elaborated on in Emotions after a Real Punishment Spanking. This was done as kind of a very justified real-life extension of our kink, but it sure came naturally to the both of us! I can't stop thinking of the feelings evoked in me by a spanking motivated by discipline, not kink (although it is kinky, subtle distinction). So my husband and I have decided to formalize it into a DD Contract of some sort for me - still working on it.

Ok, my DD is going to be a little different from other ones you may have heard of. I will continue Domming my husband for fun. I will design the scenes (with his input) and may roll them out unexpectedly, and may involve others, as we have always done. None of that will change. For purposes of sexy kink, we both enjoy that a lot! We even strive to make the scenes super real, like punishing him for real things I find around the house (dirty dishes in sink for example). All of that will definitely still go on. He will also be subject to discipline spankings when he falls short of his own goals (or as a "reward" for continuing, e,g., picky food diary / weight loss spankings). Though there will be no formal "contract" for that, because if he does not think it justified, he will manhandle me right across his knee and let me know! None of that changes in the least.

But overlaid on top of all of that fun kink, I want to add a more "real life" 24x7 dynamic as well for me. I want to be a spanked wife. Not motivated by sexy fun times (we have that already), but real discipline when in his eyes I have fallen short of one of my (or our joint) expectations of myself.

It won't be him being "Head of Household" or anything like that. We will continue our 50-50 partnership in chores, decision-making, bank accounts, and so on. From each according to their abilities, to each according to their needs. A two-person communist party.

But beyond all this, what I have come to realize is that I crave a father figure doling out real discipline. I feel safe and protected, and it makes me a more passionate wife (in the vanilla sense). My need for it is not primarily a need for kinky fun. My primary need is to feel taken in hand, to feel loved via discipline. Essentially for my emotional health (I have been feeling down a bit lately, who hasn't, but my recent disciplinary spanking was a bright light). Oh yes it makes me burn with passion and lust after it happens, or thinking about it happening, but one follows from the other, not the other way around. It's complicated! It's so hard to explain that. It's been hard for me to disentangle those things and come to my current realization.

I "blame" my Dad. I love my Dad so much. In early childhood (around aged 5 to 10) I was spanked across his knee, by hand, on the bare. The spankings from him were very mild, and I was always loved and cuddled more than usual afterwards. That was a different time. It was the 1980's. There was no hint of impropriety. I understand from research that back then it was maybe considered old fashioned to spank your child and not recommended by the liberal child psychologist types. Looking back from my vantage point now, I realize those spankings didn't "hurt" so much as "make a point". Despite how mild they were, I inevitably wound up in great sobbing tears during and after my spankings. I was not spanked often at all. Maybe in total a half a dozen times over a five year period. So when I was spanked, it made an impression. I did get spanked by Mom as well, in much the same way, maybe a bit harsher but not overly so, but I remember resenting those spankings and feeling defiant inside - though I did toe the line outside!

I absolutely craved and adored the attention of my father. I am the middle girl of three, and they say the middle girl is often the forgotten one. Not me! I forced myself on my Dad. I was for sure his favourite (that's what my sisters kept telling me anyways, and I think they were right). We would have long, silly conversations and he was so patient with me. When I had childish troubles I could always confide in him and our talks always helped. I would greet him joyously, jump up on his lap, hug him and cover him in kisses!

This persisted into my late teens, where I would still jump on his lap and hug and kiss him, wearing only a T-shirt and my panties! I knew that something about what I was doing was somehow "wrong", and it gave me a funny but good feeling in my tummy. My older sister (Sue) did not approve, and my Mom looked askance as well. I stopped doing that when I was around 16, as I started dating and started recognizing that those feelings about my Dad were definitely sexual. I became very guilty about it, and very self-conscious of the approbation of my sister and Mom, so I stopped. Though I never stopped loving my Dad! It just morphed from a childish love into a grown daughter's love, which is unchanged to this day.

So when I got spanked by Daddy, it was a signal that I had been a very bad girl in his eyes. I had disappointed my Daddy. I cried worried that I had lost his love. After a spanking I would do whatever I could to get back into his good graces, which was never very hard. For weeks afterwards I would be extra affectionate with Daddy. Just checking!

My relationship with my Mom was a lot rockier as a child and as a teen. I always thought she paid more of the good kind of attention to my siblings, and I resented it. As I started growing up, she was the one who tried to regulate my behaviour, and I resented it. She always made me do chores like set the table or help her to cook. She would timeslice watching over me as I did boring homework, enforce my bedtime, and as I was older set my curfews. She wouldn't buy me the clothes I wanted, and she would be the one to send me back to my room to change because, "you're not going out looking like that!" I look back on it and laugh. She had four kids to watch over that way, was entirely justified, and Dad was entirely MIA for that sort of parenting.

Man, was I ever set up to be a spanked wife or what?

Unfortunately, anything along those lines got derailed when I was in my early twenties living on my own. I had a bad (terrifying) experience with a guy I met at a bar and brought back to my apartment. It lasted three days and I was absolutely sure I was going to die at the end of it. I never reported it to anybody, and I got fired from my job for missing work. While I'm a conservative girl and the #metoo shit drives me crazy (because really, you willingly got "casting couched" you whore, give me a fucking break), reporting my rape did not even enter my mind. I was completely humiliated, and completely emotionally broken down. I shut it away and never wanted to think about it again. Oh I know, GREAT way to deal with trauma (she says sarcastically). Instead, my "self-treatment" plan was alcohol, drugs, and sexual promiscuity. Real smart.

It affected all future relationships including with my husband. I always insisted on being in control, on being on top. If something even slightly went wrong during sex I would freak, like a guy touched me in a way I hadn't expected, or at a time I didn't expect. David was extremely tender with me and I eventually told him a bit about my past. I think this is the reason he hid his spanking fetish from me for so long. When he first approached me, he very gingerly asked me if I wanted to be spanked, and I was, in my head, NO FUCKING WAY (I said it more gently to him!). He pivoted to asking if I would mind spanking him. Sure, why not? I was usually "on top" anyways, and if he had a kink, I definitely wanted to know about it and cater to it. I love the guy! What I found was that spanking him (beating him, even, humiliating him) was absolutely empowering for me. I did it with such joy! It was like therapy. I went over the top, I admit, but his passion for being spanked, beaten, and humiliated knew no bounds, so it was a perfect match. I also think he saw the joyfulness in me, and went with it hard in part because of that: for me. Oh, I never lost my head, it was always safe, sane and consensual (well, safe and consensual, anyways, I like to say, fuck the sane part).

This blog is my diary of everything kinky that happened since that first time, so you can follow along, although looking back at some of my posts, I was not completely up-front about some of my motivations. I was not quite ready to spill all the beans, so to speak. I guess the therapy worked, though, because there came a time when I started getting the itch to be spanked myself, which for me is putting my early adult trauma behind me, and returning to my childhood innocence where my relationship with my Daddy defined my relationship with strong loving men.

It started slowly and I had to feel 100% in control. My first experience with David spanking me was after I had read a blog from a Pro Domme that said as a top you needed to experience being spanked yourself or you would not get any good at dishing it out. I was a very earnest young woman and took her advice. I made David give me a spanking under my own terms. If I was in control I did not panic at all, and I enjoyed the physical sensations. I kept telling him to go harder as it appears I have pretty high pain tolerance. I enjoyed it. We had a few other cases where I was spanked, always me initiating it and controlling the action.

There was a watershed moment at some point where I realized I like girls as well as boys. I had arranged a vanilla escort to visit us in a hotel room to witness David being dominated by me. That went off great and according to plan. After it was over we still had time, she suggested that she and I make out, and let him watch but not touch. I was pretty hot and horny from dominating David, and so I totally went along with it, and absolutely lezzed out with her for the first time in my life, and loved it!

After that, I was anxious to get with more women, and arranged a few scenes including David where that would happen. I also mixed in a few spankings for me from the women, as it felt sexy and did not make me as anxious as being spanked by a man (any man, even my David). I started getting more and more intense submissive feelings at around this time as well.

There was an e-mail correspondence with a reader where it slipped into us roleplaying him being the Daddy and me being the Naughty Daughter. I told myself (and you all) at the time that I was "researching" Daddy/Daughter kink as I was intending on a gender-age-bender scene with David where I would be the Daddy and he would be the Daughter. We did actually do that, but looking back on that post now (Daddy Spanks Daughter!), OMG I was so Daddy-Daughter subby! I didn't at all mind the e-mail roleplay as I obviously felt completely safe. It was not going to happen to me, after all. But of course I was thinking about myself, but barely admitting it. Not sure who I was fooling.

I was sliding fast! Very soon after that, my correspondent offered to construct a paddle for me and send it to me. I accepted, but I did not want to give him my real address. I have a friend (named Tracy  for blog purposes) who maintains a US address forwarding dropbox for her thrifty US online shopping. I asked her if I could use her service to have an item sent to me. She wanted to know what it was, and I had to tell her it was a spanking paddle (!).

She asked me who it was for, and I told her David, but that because I was so scatterbrained and delayed in getting the address to him, that I had promised to take 24 on my bare butt first and send my Paddle Daddy a photo. She asked who was doing the honours, and I told her David... unless she wanted to... She jumped at the chance and wanted to involve her husband (it turns out, I did not know at the time, that she and her husband are swingers), but I asked that it just be her. I was so fucking excited it was unbelievable. You can read all my fevered postings about it, and see the pics of my very well-paddled ass (Julie in for a Severe Paddling!).

This was me later in the evening after my paddling from Tracy.
Photo courtesy my then girl-cucked husband!

The infatuation grew, and Tracy came over and saw David get spanked. She came over and spanked me once. And then I went over there and took a belt whipping from her while her husband watched. He even participated a little and I found myself very turned on having a man involved in the Domming process (unexpectedly). We then arranged another scene where I would be a schoolgirl, and they would be my Mommy and my Daddy.

Me after my spanking from John and Tracy.
Tracy taking the photo. John standing right there!
He would fuck my pussy that night as well.
First (and only) fucking outside my marriage.

After that scene with John and Tracy, I realized what a ninny I was for allowing Tracy's husband John to spank me while I had never really allowed David to (and it was a real drawn out affair with John, without me "totally in control" - I mean, me not topping from the bottom as I had been with David). So I invited David to spank me for the first time "for real". I did "yellow out" during it, but that was the extent of my control. I wrote at the time (Wife Spanked by Husband),

It was nice getting a spanking from my David!!!!! I fell into my submissive state of mind and fantasized I was a bad girl getting spanked by her Daddy.

In fact, David was a much, much better spanker than John or Tracy. There was no need to tell him what to do, he was naturally dominant, sufficiently firm, and sensitive to my reactions. After that spanking he gave me anal intercourse. That's turned into a theme! We began switching from then on, maybe for a third of the time or less. I still mainly Dommed him during our scenes. We also starting playing more with Mistress Violet, with me taking on a sub role half the time.

A photo of me being spanked naked by Violet taken by David

My submissive fantasies started becoming darker and darker with time, to an unhealthy level I will admit (Am I Sick in the Head?). It culminated in me writing a long letter to my husband, expressing my darker wishes for him to dominate me (Letter to my Husband). I wasn't sure how he would react, but he was amazing. He said "we needed to talk about it" and I thought oh oh, Julie's off to the shrink. But instead he told me to strip naked for our "talk", and then he made me read aloud every sentence of the letter (do you know how blushy that is when you lay your heart out on a platter like that???). He decided I would be his total sex slave for a week. We started by him taking me to a pet store and very publicly fitting me for a dog collar and matching leash!

After he paid, he leashed me and whipped me on the seat of my jeans with the end of the lead and then pulled me out of the shop by my leash. All as the pet store staff watched! That started one full week of intense submission from me. That seemed to get it out of my system for a bit! Phew.

It was after that that I asked my sister to spank me also after I had pushed some boundaries with her (she previously knew about my sex slave week, so she knew what to do with me!). Then there was the incident where I had David give me some super-embarrassing (playful) swats on the seat of my tight dress hoisted up on his knee in front of my whole family. That got my real Daddy fantasies going but good 'cause Daddy egged David on and teased me after. Then I think I got switched by David "for real" (but more for fun) for taking a wrong turn (my responsibility) on a hiking trail. It was bare bum on the trail (mercifully deserted owing to the time of year), and I had to blow him right there afterwards as "penance". I would not actually call that DD. That was a scene for sure.

Later on I wrote a blog entry Christian Domestic Discipline where I admitted to being fascinated by that whole scene.

A disciplined wife sent to stand in the corner before her spanking.
Imagine how embarrassing if her Mom and Dad happened to drop in?

But it wasn't for me. No, not me. Those guys are a little kooky. Spankings for real? Give me a break. It's all kink, I told myself. Either lying to themselves or (more likely) lying to us.

I did a bunch more subby scenes with David. It became more like 50-50 as my readers pointed out (they counted). Many, many of them involved my "Daddy" fantasies, if not explicitly, then implicitly (in that I was thinking that as David spanked me). The distinction between my real Daddy, an abstract Daddy figure, and my husband was all blurry. They were all mixed in there at the same time. Again, I thought of them all as "scenes". Sexy scenes. They made my tummy flutter, and made me feel good inside. I was Loved. I was never abused. Daddy loves me. Daddy needs to spank me when I'm naughty because he loves me. After my spanking, I would be reassured with how much he loves me with hugs and kisses (and orgasms!).

What I've only now come to realize is that, for me, I have it backwards. It's not that my main goal is sexy feelings and an orgasm, and an imaginary spanking from a father figure is a means to that end. No. It's actually the other way around. I need to feel disciplined to feel loved. Feeling loved in this way makes me warm inside and tingly, and is what leads, incidentally, to sexy feelings. That's how it actually is.

Ok, so that's weird to need to be disciplined to feel loved.  But it's not really that black and white. Sure I feel loved without. But to feel the highest intensity of being loved, I need the discipline. That's not for every woman. But for me, for my personality and my path, it is.

It was this last spanking from David (Julie Spanked for Being Irresponsible) that made me realize that. I had done something wrong, and I knew I had done wrong but would not admit it. David spanked me. He actually spanked me! And then sent me to the corner until I admitted it. That was real. That was fucking real!

But he was right. I had done wrong. I had been childish and irresponsible. I felt I completely deserved my disciplining.

The fact that I had been disciplined, like a child, by my loving but strict husband, without my "consent", was incredibly emotional for me. I felt squishy afterwards that he cared enough about me to do this, to take this risk of offending me.

Afterwards, alone in bed, there was masturbation. Oh my, but there was masturbation! He had mastered me, and it made me feel amazing. As I masturbated, on my tummy, bottom up, I linked my feelings to the same feelings I had as a child when Daddy spanked me, and my sexual feelings towards my Daddy (never acted on, of course!).

Later on, in bed with David, I confessed to my masturbation, and my feelings, and begged him to, casually, tell my Mom and Dad, like no big deal, "I spanked your daughter for being naughty". I wanted those closest to me to know I was a spanked wife. My ask was motivated by kink, but now I know it was more than that.

He followed through, and I found myself very embarrassed, but at the same time very proud, to be a spanked wife, proud that I had a husband who would not hesitate to discipline me when I clearly needed to be disciplined. I don't know if my folks thought it was just playful, but I really want them to know it was real. That I really was and am taken in hand. That my husband judges when I misbehave, and punishes me like a child when I do.

I gave it a lot of thought, and did some online research (one of my "realer" sources was Domestic Discipline, Jenny Style!), and decided that I wanted that. For the rest of my life I want that. The desire for those closest to me to know, heck, for anybody to know but especially those closest to me, is because I want this thing to be the new real for me. I sat down with David and we discussed the parameters of a DD relationship.

I have certain goals I want to achieve. I want to work out at least five times a week in our gym. I want to cook us a healthy dinner at least 3 times a week. I want to keep my weight within a narrow band.  I don't want to overdrink. I don't want to overspend. David will help me with my goals. He will hold me accountable. His behaviour is not my concern. He does not want a DD for himself. I want one for me.

If I feel I have been naughty or irresponsible, I don't want to ask him to discipline me, I want him to see it and act on it. If he feels I have been naughty or irresponsible, whether or not I realize and ask, he will discipline me. Yes, there's a huge measure of trust associated with that last one, but I trust him completely. If I never see it, well so be it. I don't want to continue behaviours that he thinks are wrong, and will submit to his will on those occasions.

I asked him if there were any behaviours in me he wanted to correct? He said there were none, but there is this one bedroom thing... "what?" I asked him. It's about (blush!) blow jobs...  He told me that I really was not that good at giving them. What? Geeze, I mean, not a huge fan, but I thought I was ok at it. I mean, I can make him cum. I thought I was ok at it. Good even. Apparently not. I told him I'd do better, that I'd apply myself and do online research. David suggested I ask my sister for tips (FUCK!). I swallowed my pride and said "Yes Sir". We agreed that if I didn't do my blowjob research and improve, I'd get spanked. He also told me that he really hates it when I run to the bathroom sink and spit (I do that). I'm going to try to do better, and if I do spit we agree that it's spankable.

We agreed that most of my disciplining will be over his knee, with his hand, on my bare bottom. Cornertime also. Implements for more serious or repeated offenses (like a hairbrush, paddle, belt, strap, switch, cane, ...), anywhere from waist to knees, front or back, or tits. He can also be more creative with my discipline if he wishes (like line writing, mouth soaping, thumb sucking, held enemas, ginger root, icy hot, diapering, whatever). I also told him that the day of my spankings that he should expect me to be submissive in bed. Whatever acts/positions he wanted. Even rough blow jobs or hard anal. Husband's choice if I put him in a position to have to discipline me that day.

We are working (well, I am working) on formalizing that into a "DD Contract" as suggested by Jenny: Our DD Contract. Stay tuned. I am in correspondence with Jenny and will run it past her.

Because my parents are already a little bit "in the know", I told David he didn't need to hide anything about our new DD lifestyle from them, or in fact from anybody. I feel proud to be a spanked wife. He should for sure tell my Mom and Dad anytime he spanks me for discipline, and what I did to earn it. Or I will anyways.  Yeah it's embarrassing, but isn't that what a spanking mainly is for a grown woman? Isn't that the whole point? In fact, if he thought it was reasonable and natural to discipline me in front of others, he should do so, and should not hesitate to bare my bum for it, or anything else of me for that matter, if that's what he thinks I need. I consent in advance.

I really do want a spanking in front of, or better yet by, my Dad. Ideally bare breasted and bare bum, where he can see my private parts clearly, maybe, like diaper position or straddling the knee. I doubt that will ever happen. I suppose that's just fantasy, sigh, but I told David that if there ever was an opportunity to discipline me like that he should. He probably won't. Pooh.

Because I really don't intend to misbehave, but want to know I am loved in this way, I asked David to give me maintenance spankings once a month or so. It's a spanking to remind me to be his good girl.

One question I have in my own mind is boundary pushing, or bratting I guess we call it. Is that acceptable in a DD? For example, David has a problem with the skimpy swimwear I prefer to wear at the cottage in the summer ("family harmony" - my little sister gets offended when my nephews get to see their Aunty Julie like that.) Even pre-DD he's discretely threatened me with a spanking for it.  Do I "brat" and see what I can get away with? Test his resolve? It's probably one of the surer ways to "get it" in public. Topless sunbathing on or by the lake is against the county Bylaws. Fucking Nazis. Removing that top is likely to earn me a spanking! I wonder if bottomless spanking on or by the lake is also against the Bylaws? ;-)

I just read about this punishment the other day on O&P Spanking Stories that seems more a European thing I think, which is being "made to dance" to a martinet, a small handled flogger.

The husband would make his wife stand bottomless (or nude), hands on head, as the martinet is whipped indiscriminately from knees to waist, front and back, causing the miscreant (i.e., me) to "dance" in place as she is whipped. I will buy a martinet for David to use on me like this. I guess the "P.G." version would be to do it with only my skimpy bikini bottoms on. Imagine being made to "dance" like that for sunbathing topless, in front of the males of my family. The top would only go back on after my whipping. I'm sure my nephews would love to see their Aunty Julie dancing topless like that under her husband's whip. I doubt my breasts would escape the whip under those circumstances. Oh dear, there I go again. I can't seem to discriminate fantasy from real-life DD. I'll have to put myself in David's hands to ensure I don't go overboard.

And other than boundary pushing, is it still a DD if I deliberately misbehave (or pretend to) knowing it will get me spanked "for cause"? For example, David hates, with a passion, drinking and driving. His rule for himself has evolved to simplicity itself: zero alcohol when driving. If I were to tell him I had a glass of wine or two before driving home? Hoo boy! That's the belt being taken off. I do think zero tolerance is too strict in reality. Stay under the legal limit, it's low enough. But the legal limit is considerably higher than my husband's limit for me, I'm sure.

Maybe every wife's license should have her husband's
limit for her printed on it. Naughty wives caught exceeding
their limits should be placed in handcuffs and taken straight
back to their husbands for the swift administration of justice
to her bare bum with the officers as the official witnesses.

I also swear a lot. You guys have probably noticed. David does not much like that either. I did specifically mention "mouth soaping" to him as alternative punishments, just throwing that out there.

And for some of you, you know who you are, I'll add that David gets annoyed at my tiny bladder capacity. I'm constantly making him stop at rest stops or pull over by the side of the road.

He'll ask me why I didn't "go" before we left. I didn't have to then! These conversations probably make me feel the most childish, as does pulling down my pants and panties to my ankles and squatting by the side of the road.

I have a small bladder, ok? Pack the diapers and the icy hot for long road trips from now on, I suppose, sigh.

I guess I'll have to give some thought as to how rebellious or bratty I ought to be. I'm thinking at least some. I'm still spirited, after all!

I will still spank David for a scene. I don't mind that at all! In fact, he says it will be a spanking offense for me if I don't scene him enough (that will be one we don't tell my parents about, along with the blowjob and swallowing ones!) :-) There's a twist on a Female DD! I also fully intend to remain sassy and provocative. I am comforted to know I have my man to keep me in line if I step over the boundary.

I know you guys are going to think I am crazy (like I did about those Christian DD people), and some of you may be disappointed that "Strict Julie" in fact turns out to be a spanked wife. Oh well. Sorry not sorry.

So far I have been good, and have kept to all of my resolutions and not misbehaved at all, so I am golden! Yay! But I know that if I slip, my husband will be right there with a firm hand to lovingly correct me and set me back on the right path, and cuddle me (and make love to me) afterwards.

I feel excited and am really looking forward to formally settling the parameters and then on to my new DD life!

P.S. I don't mind being teased about my "spanked wife" status, so no need for you guys to hold back at all in your comments. My resulting blushes are helpful to me. I don't at all mind you telling me what you would do with me if I was your wife or grown-up daughter, and in front of whom. I am still kinky!