Wednesday, November 9

Feeling Guilty?

So I may be starting to feel pangs of guilt not telling david about this blog.

When I first went on the Topix site I wanted to get advice on things to do to him, and didn't want him listening in, because I wanted to learn and surprise him. So my thinking when I set up this blog was the same. I want it to be my place where I can be completely honest, ask questions of like-minded people, and get their input back. I don't want to censor myself knowing that somebody I know in "real life", and especially him, is reading everything I write. It's so liberating just expressing myself freely, and knowing that at least some people are reading. I have been way more raw and uninhibited in my writing than I EVER would be otherwise.

The guilty part is that I am now sharing some of our most intimate moments on this blog. Stuff he would never in a million years want the guys at work knowing, for instance. As the dominant one in the relationship, I find it empowering knowing that lots of people are aware of my new-found strength. As the submissive one, I wonder how he would feel? I wonder how he would feel knowing, even anonymously, that so many people know how pussy whipped (literally) he is. I wonder if that would be a weight, walking around, seeing men and women on the street, wondering if any of them are following along with his humiliations at my hands.

Also, I am being so intimate on this blog. More intimate in certain ways than with anybody in my real life. This is like writing in my own personal diary, but knowing every word is read. I don't want to blaspheme, but it's sort of like saying private prayers, and knowing God is listening. Sorry if I offended anybody with that last - I did not mean to.

But I have to accept that one day he may be surfing around for porn, and knowing his interests, might actually find this blog. If you do sweetie, and are ever reading this, i love you, baby!

In the meantime, baby, hold onto your hat, because I intend to take you on such a ride...


  1. Julie, I don't think you should feel guilty at all. You should of course change enough details about the people and places you write of in the off chance that someone may recognize you or David. Having said that, if someone you know is reading.....well, lets just say they are interested int the subject and I doubt they will judge.

    FLR, spanking, domination, power exchange have been around for quite some time. The internet and blogs have made it just more visible and easier to share. There are all sorts of folks that fantasize about this or live this to some degree.

    I think it is great that you are sharing and that others are giving you insight into the male mind. Of course we all have our differences but there are some fairly universal traits submissives share to some degree. The fact that you feel empowered is what is important. The fact that David is probably loving this and you are working on your relationship and happiness as an individual and a couple is what really matters.

    I would suggest a few books on the subject of spanking.
    Hot Cross Buns by Tasha Lee and
    Spanking the Male mind and loving the man (The savvy woman's guide to understanding domestic discipline) by Miss Francy.

    Both great books.

  2. It's great to have this resource. I must confess that many of david's fantasies are alien to me. But they actually seem to be pretty common here on the Internet among similiar-minded guys. I am told I am "creative" when I steal somebody else's fantasy and apply it to david. That's ironic! The nice thing is, while I might not have thought them up in the first place, they do wind up turning me on!

    Thank you for the book suggestions. I'll look into those.