Friday, November 11

A Real Man

I have been exchanging messages with "Submissive Husband" on the Topix forum.In a recent post he wrote something that turned my crank nicely:
... we did have a new twist this morning, she had gotten ready for work, and came to make sure i was up, with a smirk, she said good morning. as she was totally dressed for work, i asked, "may i please jerk off?" to which she said yes, but didn't do more. your not going to help? i asked. nope. so there i layed, naked stroking as she just sat and watched. was a twinge of embarrassment of sorts but, i liked it. to her surprise she commented after, i kinda liked that.
I answered him with a bit of a saucy dommie response, hoping to fuel more jerking off in future (ASIDE: I love that guys may be jerking off to stuff I write - just put a little picture in their mind, and there they go tugging at their poor abused little penises. I think they do feel shame, but can't stop doing it. Ha Ha!)
Well you should be embarrassed. Little boys tug on themselves like that (and I have seen monkeys in the zoo do that as well). A real man would be able to fuck his wife whenever he feels like it. But I guess not in your case, eh? Poor boy! ;-)
and he responds
Hard to tell if you approve of her control or not? Does you husband get you whenever he wants?
To answer the first, of course I approve of her control. But I think he was wondering if I was being critical of him for not being a "real man" in bed. I will come back to that later.

As for the second question, my husband used to get me whenever he wanted. Of course he never forced me, but I would let him have me when he wanted, even if I was not particularly in the mood. I figured I had duties as his wife. In his vows he had promised not to sleep with anybody else. So if he couldn't just go out and get another pussy whenever he wanted, I guess mine was the price I had to pay for that. So I put up with a lot of sex that was satisfying for him, but not always for me. Pretty twisted thinking, looking back on it.

But lately, since he started asking me to spank him, well my thinking has turned and I don't think he gets that privilege anymore. If his fondest desire is to be spanked, which I associate as a very unmanly thing, suitable for a little boy or a submissive girl, I'll treat him like a submissive girl in bed also.

He handed his pants over to me when he first asked me to spank him, so he does not get to wear them anymore. Don't worry though, he's not completely bare all the time, I gave him panties to replace them with. As for his cock, he does not get to use that as he pleases anymore either. If I want it in me, then it better be hard and ready for me, and if not, I would now not hesitate to belt whip him to teach him a lesson. If I don't want it in me, well I can replace his cock very adequately with my strap-on, only with him bending over and taking it from me.

But I don't mean "unmanly" as a bad thing in the context of the home or bedroom. I love it! A male can be a real man in the outside world, and we love them for being strong like that. After all they need to hold down a job, be in control out there, protect me physically from other guys, and bring me home lots of nice money to spend! I love a "real man" and my husband is all that and more.

Some men, so inclined, with a partner so inclined as well (as used to be the case with david and I), get sex basically whenever they want it, as I explained above, and are dominant in bed. In the bedroom, I would call that "a real man", and there's nothing wrong with that. It can even be a thrill.

In fact, I used to think it was a big thrill to have him be all dominant like that in bed. Now I realize that the thrill I felt was the thrill of power and control, and while it was ok when he wielded it, it's ten times better when it is me with that power and control!

So in the house, in the kitchen, and especially in the bedroom, I for one have come to prefer my man submissive to me. I want a real man in the outside world, but not in the home or the bedroom. There the man must ask politely for sex, and may be refused. It is the woman, who by virtue of wielding the hairbrush, also gets to call the shots in the bedroom. It is so natural that way.

When you submit to going over my knee and getting your bare little bottom warmed, you give up your right to be a real man in my house. Too bad for you. If only your craving to be spanked like that could be kept in check, then you could keep your "real man" bedroom privileges. As it is, it's going to have to be panties and an apron, and "Yes Ma'am" and "No Ma'am" from now on, or I'll put away my hairbrush and then what will you do?


  1. I was about all set to tear into you for selfishness, but then I read your earlier entries and they put things in perspective.

    I hope you both continue to have fun :)


  2. Just wanted to say we enjoy your blog, and I appreciate your following me on mine.

    Nice to see a stern Woman posting and letting her feelings be known.

    Good Luck and I hope you're posting for a long time.


  3. Ms. Julie-
    It appears that you have the male of the species figured out. Maybe a figured out a little too well!!

    Keep up the good work, Ma'am!


  4. Clarence said:
    I was about all set to tear into you
    for selfishness, ...

    Hi Clarence, I appreciate that you read more and you changed your mind about me, but I'm curious, what in the original post made you think I was selfish?

  5. Ken said:
    It appears that you have the male of the species figured out.

    Well, that's not too difficult, Ken!

  6. Hmmm, well I suppose it's true. When I told my Wife, I've given up some control. I now wait for her to initiate, and try to be good to get her to do so.

    About the jerking off request.. one of the most humiliating things is when I did this, and after a bit she (already pleasured) got "bored," and just walked out of the room, leaving me there stroking!

    The panties aren't that bad. But I prefer nylon to cotton! :)

  7. Instead of waiting for her to initiate (life does tend to get in the way), perhaps there is something you want to improve about yourself that can be easily measured, for example, time spent doing something, or cleaning chores, or fitness level. You can agree with your wife that she will punish you on a weekly basis if you fall short, but if you do nothing at all towards your goals, the punishments will stop?

  8. Miss Julie- thank you for your reply and thoughts. I have been trying to improve here by doing more cleaning and laundry, etc. But I haven't thought about the 'measurement stick' aspect...thanks. May have to suggest that to Her when the time is right. :) While I get maintenance spankings, that might help me to improve things for both of us. Ooh, stopping the punishments is a severe punishment, LOL! :)

  9. Ms Julie:
    The "wifely vows" thing. It sounded like now suddenly, the marriage was going to be all about your wants and needs. A marriage being a partnership, yes there are times you do things for it or for your partner even if you aren't in the mood. There's nothing wrong with placing a higher value on your love for your partner or a harmonious marriage than a momentary desire.

    But it's obvious from your earlier and later posts that you still love and respect him and y ou do realize he's made some sacrifices of his own over the years and that you do have him in mind and not just yourself. You've discovered a new equilibrium in your relationship and you both seem happier with it.


  10. Clarence,

    It was too one-sided before, as he always wanted sex, and sometimes I was not in the mood. Fine, as you say, to put up with a bit of that, but not when it's so one-sided in the bedroom.

    Now that I've taken charge, it's not one-sided anymore.

    He wants to be spanked, so I'll spank him even if I were to not find myself in the mood for it.

    On the other hand, if I feel like putting him through his paces, then I won't care if he's not in the mood. He will still have to bend over and put his pretty ass up for my strap-on, whether he wants it or not.

    As for my pussy, as far as I'm concerned he's not allowed to claim that anymore. Little boys who allow themselves to be forced into panties and get their bare bums spanked by their wives do not get that priviledge, period.

    Much more balanced now.

  11. Ms. Julie:
    Yes, much more balanced now. I always hate seeing unbalanced relationships ( I don't mean occasionally, I mean as a matter of day to day living) because that almost always means problems are brewing. No one should expect sex at demand, at least without negotiating that first, and the same applies to so many other things in the BDSM lifestyle. I think you are on the right path, but you are (from your descriptions on this blog) a bit of a beginner at this stuff so I recommend the following blog:

    No, I don't get anything for asking you to go there, and no it's not a pay site. But I think it might help you both going forward. Google Clarisse Thorn if you'd like. :)

    A hug,

  12. Thank you Clarence,

    I am very new to this and have been getting A LOT of information from the web. I have not come across the site you mention, however, and shall check it out.

  13. Sorry I am late to this posting as I just found your blog. Normally I would read through to the current posting before offering a comment, but at the risk of this comment not being seen by now, I do want to say that I reject the inference that wanting to be spanked necessarily infers one is submissive. It is possible to have the “kink” desire to be spanked and to spank without it implying there is a “D/s relationship” in play. Who knows why a person “gets off” on the pain (whatever the pain threshold involved)? It does NOT imply anything about one’s “masculinity” or “femininity” - that is a separate issue even if there is sometimes a “correlation” between the two. Your statement that david gave up his standing to be a man in the bedroom when he wanted to be spanked is not valid in my opinion. That is a separate choice he may have made but please be accurate in the assessment of cause and effect. Thanks – I really do love your blog, just wanted to clear up that little bit that is important to me!


    1. Hello E,

      To each their own, I suppose, but I stand by my blog sentiments. In my eyes he is definitely less of a man for wanting to be spanked by his wife (and put into bra and panties, and humiliated in front of other women, and so on ...). I'm not sure if he feels any less the man, but how is that relevant to my feelings about him? It's very cause and effect for me.

      In fact, if any man came up to me and asked me to put him over my knee and give him a spanking, he would definitely be less of a man in my eyes. I wouldn't quite buy it if he said "oh, no, it's not like that, I really am a rough and tough dude, I just enjoy the massaging sensation of your hairbrush striking my ass. Purely coincidental that the massaging position I favour is across your knee like a naughty child"


  14. So if he is less of a man in your eyes do you love him less? Like love mixed with contempt? Or perhaps like loving a faithful dog which wants to be beaten for attention?


    1. None of the above. I love it that's he's not a "real man" when I tell him not to be. I continue to have the utmost respect for him and his choices.

  15. Most Honorable Strict Julie:

    I have decided to reread all your posts - since you are the best writer of female dominance on the internet.

    This post sums up very well the separation between two worlds - one in which couples find incredible sexual satisfaction in a dominant-submissive relationship and one that involves the rest of our lives.

    I'm still in 2011, and looking forward to rereading all your posts.



  16. Ms Julie:
    I am a engaged male that has a dominate fiancée that forced me to wear panties 24/7. She says that this is a constant reminder of my place in the relationship. She wears the pants, and I wear the panties and am the sissy bitch. She burned all of my boxers. I want to ask for your opinion.
    Do you believe that a panty wearing sissy can regain his manhood if he buys boxers and rebels, or do you believe that it is impossible?

    1. Of course not, sweetie. It would be like a woman wearing men's clothes and saying she is no longer a woman. A sissy bitch is a sissy bitch, no matter what. Wearing men's boxers won't change that, though it might earn you a very uncomfortable trip across her knee, so please be careful with any little rebellions!